Copper

       I am not orange.  I will help Orange if they remain peaceful.  Violence for the violent.  Orange has to be the meek, who in my religion win in the end.   Right now Trump using the color makes it untenable but I am not going to let his make up and the press have a color forever.  It was a Union revolution against the Soviet Union that came to mind when I blurted out Orange.  Making it up as I go along, as I did back then.

You would ask me questions I could guess at...  but I do not wish to take on a bunch of enemies by being friends with people. This will not stop me from finding common ground with those whom I have all but certain differences with, like pedophilia and genocide.  I am not a thief and if I have been the benefactor of any theft, I do not know about it.  I tried to bring all people together, as a Christ would.  Then you treated me like shit.  Left me in pain.  Homeless.  I did feel like I was from another planet, like you played with a bit I imagine, or there would have been no UFO sighting at O'hare in o6.  Look it up.

The meek inheriting the earth.

 The embers left them by the strong, now.    I am copper. This blood will not wear off from my sitting here in a pool of blood, in front of the television that told me of the darkness in the woods...  shredded tires, a rosary, a wreck of a car I saw.  In a color I saw as following my morals, again...   a mistake I often make.  Not my morals.  Just stopping slavery.  If you could, wouldn't you....

Regardless of the idiocy of my past I hope you realize that I have come to peace enough with what happened to hold no grudges, though I will not change, that would be appeasement.  I will however be very careful with my criticism.  

  I keep buying my illusion in my head that I am alone in this apartment.  While still feeling the creepy, slimey, haunting of knowing my words are being either taken very seriously, or the worst joke in the world has been played, and I am an unwitting fool.  Yes, I wish.  Bob is gone.  Proof enough of the dead from that day.  I regret those deaths as much as others.

The women who died at first.  When I had no clue what was happening, though they were going to try to pin everything on me, since I would not go along with their plans.  I understood nothing.   But they died.  Two sources told me this.  I saw something about women following me, but I had no intention of breaking up families, or getting people to live like me...  

The other times come through just as horrible, during the Obama times...

Of late the catastrophe has been averted.

No one should assume they are on my side

Unless you are like the sane imperfect people who want the best for all

This last time the people who were harmed I feel terrible about this order.  I did not know that was coming.  I had no plans to suddenly harm a spy network.  I never saw them, or knew anything about those things, or...  just a charade.  Though once the blood was flowing, and I realized the time bombs I was leaving, which could defeat any attempt at democracy with another leader.  I told you always I would give away power.  You treat me though like two different people.  Some of you treat me like this spy soldier colonialist...  whatever....  others a spiritual person.  The spiritual person is closer to the truth, and always was, even when I was very agnostic.  I think.   

I guess I write as both religious and political, but I do not try to use religion in my political comments,  or try not to, beyond an inspiration that is second nature.  I do not have to look up in a book what is right and wrong.  I can find out for myself, or I just know.  I mean, few listen....  few have people in their lives worth listening to.  I mean as far as mentors.  Kids, yes.  At my age, I would be mentoring but I am way too chaotic for such a thing.  And I am no hero.

I acted on the morality taught me from Indiana during a Blue, Strong Union period.  People were racist but I did not know.  I hated racism from the books I read.  I read fairly adult books, and believed the ethics there were out in the world, somewhere.  And in me.  I had no clue about racism until I moved to the big city and saw it, then had friends who were black and heard their stories, really read up on the issue, and always have.  I never looked at this as anything except a class revolution, that I thought we had lost... and we probably did.  I never thought I would amount to much.

Then I changed.  Barbara started telling me I was going to be a famous writer, as did other professors.  Went to my head when I could barely write at all.  I was convinced it would happen if I just kept writing, so I did.  Now I can write, and have this novel in my head, but there is violence, and presently I cannot even think or envision violence in my actions when I think about them.  Never a image of I would like to smack that guy... my gut jumps a bit just at that.,, and my mind will not envision it, something I once trained myself to easily do...  envision anything closely to write about them, at Columbia College... such a wonderful teaching method they use.  Buy the book.  Do the work.  Save thirty grand.  

I sat here today in the book five hundred million some years in the future, where a being from another dimension and a human being are on a mission, to find worlds like earths, raised in the kill or be killed environment we are, which inevitably end in climatic disasters, or war, due to domination of the few over the many.  The traps Earth had fallen into and was about to die from when the aliens, of which I have no name.  They all think as one, like photons, one learns and 'magically' all over the universe they learn.  They have no molecules to construct into matter like our universe, they are individuals but they are nothing except compilations of thoughts.  Prior to humans they had few.  A peaceful existence.  There is no violence in such dimensions, no reasons for anything except being amiable...  content... a community of love, in touch with God.  Though that too is a feeling matter, an exchange of love not worship, just love...  between a creator and the created.

Much like I see Heaven without any hierarchy at all. I could not make myself special once I was myself again.  Lying to you all these years to get information.  I thought that was over until MSNBC aske me if I am gray or purple.  I still question what your colors mean, and since I do not know, answering would be absurd.  I am religious, but as you know that means I will fight for justice, not some rules you have, or because of your hatreds.  Even if they have been caused by horrible injustices...  I will do anything to stop them.  I will lay down my life.  But I must try to find where I can make changes, I speak of allies who called me a Gorilla in a cage.  And secretly meet with Trump.  I know what many of you think of me.  The same as the other side probably does on this.  I don't care.

I know the need for law enforcement.  I also know killing people is not healthy.  Being shot is not healthy.  Etcetera.  Our society COULD be beyond this, were not there possibly some nefarious reason behind this that continues.  When I heard Trump telling people Cops would be his shock troops, all across the country, God I prayed that never come true..  He will sacrifice you as front line fodder.  Against forces the police cannot win against.  I do not want to see them as refugees, on the run, which is what anyone who rebels will be.  Too many cameras in this world to get away.

Don't ruin your kids lives by voting for Trump.  There is no race war.  There is no master fucking race.   You who read this have no idea how blessed you are to have met me...  how about that for an ego.  This does not make me feel good.  This is the Jesus factor.  You got to meet and see someone do the supernatural, after growing wings as a child...   who stood on your side.  I still do.  I was humbled.

This is what it took to break up a cult, and stop a war.  That is the way God works.  He got the message across I was not going to become part of the system, take a job working for Obama.  I would have been so damned proud to get that job.  Yet I never would have learned what needed to be stopped. 

And it may have continued.  Better, and God knows this, I am humbled in your vision of me than senseless war... breaking my heart, pushing whites from blacks was the opposite of my intent. .  I am not here to tell you how to live.  I am here to leave a few words.  Some I have left, others are just bullshit.  I feel like I am waking up from a drunk in jail.  My life suddenly gone.  My choice of futures destroyed by the notorious nature of my name.  A villian, who we bring out of prison for certain missions.  No one brought me to that fight, I instigated the war, burning a throne that should not have existed.  Then I made sure they would never think I want worshipped, or to change anyone's beliefs about the past.  What happened is up to you.  I am here now and can barely contain the supernatural beliefs I have.

I think I am out of this.  Or hope so.  I no longer want to participate in humanity.  I no longer wish to be watched, as you know.  Do you think I forget this torture, ever....  I try.   But I always come back to feeling the cuffs cutting into my bleeding wrists, sooner or later. . .  I fought your battles.  Best I could with the limits of man, anything that goes our way is God, who gives none of us a say in the matter, ultimately.