the Golden Rule

     What am I supposed to do?  Tell the truth.  I do not want to build anymore false narratives.  I tried to use fiction to tell a story.  It was terrible, when I think back on it.  I am not used to being seen by the masks you put on me.  They do not feel real to me.  I allowed this to get to me when I saw what happened when I tried to change the left.  I did not want anymore violence.  And I was in a mania.  Now, looking back, I feel like I was insane.

     I cannot abandon everyone on any side, really.  THEY can abandon me.  You wanted me to join a group that I knew to be using tactics I would never involve myself in.  I could not imagine the things I heard.  And then all these PEOPLE thinking I wanted people who followed.    Then came the racist ACTIONS.

There is always a part of me that wants to give up.  But then I find over and over ....  the Jack Tapper book just popped up on my phone, a sign of what.... he was criticized when he did this, people telling him to stick to news...  Hellfire is the name of the novel.   Does this mean, KEEP working?   When you are hated like I am, you still have power.  Or they would just move on to other fucking problems, but whoever you are, you are.  

I hope making a comedy about horrible events takes some of the sting out of it all for you...  the movie goes with his Batman movies.  He is working with the Original Oligarchs, I suppose.  I have never quit before... and will not now.  I feel free of the responsibility of trying to help....  and not knowing if I am or not?

WHO ARE YOU?

     I cannot remember much  of what I said, thankfully, during my period of manic bursts of feeling these thoughts come to me, anew....  which caused sudden changes of course.  Did I somehow help Trump?  Was something happening I did not know about?  I did not like being the intense center of focus, that seemed to be happening before we got rid of our cable.

I keep remembering musks black eye.  I do not know anything other than what I read in the media, and see him doing on the surface.  What belief and power there must be behind those who believe I am a supernatural entity.  I have seen so many signs, as have you.  My finally being done with lies, no longer having to be on the defensive.  I have never been told enough to know how to act.  Leadership I could trust on the ground is the only way.

I think you think you cannot stop Trump and I had something to do with that.  If I did than show me what I can do to help make this right.  Though I tried to stop violence, I did not.  I never had enough facts to make decisions when I could.  Your revolution needed a leader, and I would not have acted as I criticized in my first book, after reading about Boko Harem's tactics long ago.  I did not know my idea would be kind of ripped off by that fuck from Columbia, who wrote the Mel Gibson movie about a cab driver based on me.  Because I did get it right and this guy had the CIA stamp of approval.  He did not use Iran Contra.  He took all the meaning out of the story, and made me sound crazy for telling him at true story.  

So shady movie makers.  And my other professor who stole our copies of Ann Rice's interview with a vampire when she agreed to read it.  Of course she turned it down.  She could write circles around all of us and probably still can.  Her books gifts to me.  

I digressed, coming back another day to work on this.. no offense meant.

  The people who were killed when I ordered a war... I do not know who that was.  I regret this.  Though I was trying to stop one thing, Trump got in.  I cannot become a politician.  I am in jail.  My activities were caused by a powerful group brainwashing me.  I felt like I had become the Law Embodied.

The Catholics, for reason I do not know how to interpret, had such belief in me from the beginning.  The wings?  You ask me to believe what seems impossible to a part of me.  Why in the world has this befallen on me?  Other times I know that though I made many many mistakes.  I was trying to do what was right.  I saw some great evil among a lot of good people.  Anyone given power became almost demonic.  I understand now why I had actually tried to avoid leadership positions -- I take such things seriously.  The real me.

I am sorry.  Yet, I still feel like about the most misunderstood, or understood by some and not others...  I guess I ended up a brown coat with head of a boar.  I saw that Guardian and thought, man, once more I have to ask who the fuck am I involved with?   I sure as hell could not trust you.  I knew what some of you had done, but I always have this idea of redemption in my head.  A foolish romantic idea with some people. 

I wanted to make the world more inclusive, not give a minority, or a sexuality, or me, power over other people.  Especially religion.  I do not want people thinking I come with some crazy ass message, or that I am what a bunch of misogynists', xenophobes, wrote in the bible.

I wrote long ago that I left myself messages in the books that I did not allow humans to edit, as they do with the bibles -- often to create religions of their own.

   This is an important decision.  Whether one wishes to reject religion or not a culture is created.   In the apt. where this started, when we moved I found a booklet saying a wise man told them to get a dog, and another showed me cultists telling people to buy dogs, wearing purple.  I understand why people were terrified in all aspects.  We were used.  By people who have rewarded some greatly, and is leaving others to.

Orange was corrupted the moment that they excluded blacks.  Had I known this I would not have used the color.  I won't again.  Let this be the color of the enemy.  I was just trying to be the opposite of purple, really.  I did not want you to make me your king, though I simply am.

The King of Kings,  I may be?  I feel powers I could use that I do not wish to ever, and they may be entirely in my imagination.  I do not accept this emotionally, but I have to always keep it in mind... the Achilles Heel in my religion comes from your brainwashing me.  If I am who I have settled into being, a creature who has been used by various parties all of my life.  A nobody. Or not...

You seem to know a lot about me.  I sure as hell tried to get info from you, but you have chosen instead to forsake me in ways you understand.  You have made me into something on your cameras.  My internal life is my own again.  No pretending is needed after all God has shown those who watched.   

     I accept whatever is happening, as I have always had to...  but what is happening right now requires a lawful way through this.  And if that required the people I may have once been able to help, though I do not feel this way at this point.  I feel like this is some kind of hatred that is beyond the scope of my understanding.

I cannot imagine violence.  Not even an act, without an emotional reaction that makes me back off...  I am not going to pretend I am tough in the way that is suited for children.  What is inside of us is what lives on and the decisions you make in this life, those few that you get with the tiny bit of free will you have, matter.  In my forever vision you are judged.  Once I did not believe this,  But I saw hell.  I hope it is temporary for them.  Or I saw my projection of hell...  talking to people who never seem to talk back directly.  

I do not want to do what has to be done.  Why would I?  This was never my intention but what is required is required. I have left fewer fights on the field.  An ally.  But an ally in the end, who must work with us on clean terms, not with violence, no dr. pepper.  I could never quite believe such things as this could happen.  You should have let me know.  I would have stopped them.  Why?  I would have told them go legal, let us use this momentum, as I meant to do with the radio show, dreaming of using fame as a leftist tool, when I was in the middle of a bunch of criminals.  I wrote some stupid shit to promote a radio shit while people thought I was God.

I even thought it would more interesting to be on your side of the mirror than my own.  The more I hear what you went through, the more grateful I am towards those who protected me.  Even though we are going to always have issues to work through, that is life.  I am usually easy to read.  The starvation and the music and that entire spiritual experience now strikes me as ....  it was not acting, but it was praying in public.  I do not care if other people do this, whatever, my thing was always having a conversation with God, years ago...  I knew I was making it up, but then...  was I?  What is the difference?  Now I am very simple in prayer.

I ask God for mercy, over and over, and to bless people who I have criticized.  I am not pretending anything for you.  What you think of me has to mean less to me.  I know what I went through and while I will never abandon anyone out there still seeking moral confirmation of your sanity. I am not all that, really.  This is obvious.  What I am is beyond my conception.  Trump though, I know where he came from, and I am against everything about anyone, who would take others free will, by cults or brain washing.   I was never going to join a cult and concentrate on my naval like Chris, who when I contacted at first for some reason was excited.  Remembering what a weirdo, ass he is... and how fake.  God.

We must be prepared to act soon.  If Trump, God Forbid, should naturally pass away, as I am purely speculating here, then the Insurrectionists behind 6-1 need to be brought forth, and put away.  We may not be able to trust Vance.  Bought by a billionaire and changed his tune on so many songs....  well, I know this is a criminal regime better than some, a hell of a lot less than others.

I am ready to fight with BOTH the Blacks and Mexicans to keep their voting rights.   For the liberty of all.  The rulers hate this.  They hate me and use me and I do not really know... I told you this is a class war.  Yet there are fires burning that are killing people now, and they have to be put out.  I see only a controlled, Roberts Rules of Order, kind of procedures in the future.  But it may be one I am making up purely out of fear.

I hope to God those who are out there reading or watching me or whatever you do, that you know that though we have differences in our thinking, our behavior toward one another is all that truly matters.  This spans all the different small groups who have to put aside their differences, and discover our class centered COMMON GROUND before we lose it entirely to the BILLIONAIRES TAKING OUR TASK DOLLARS, like Musk getting thirty billion plus.  He helped steal the election.  Him and Trump both admitted as much.  They could after getting away with it, because they knew NO ONE WOULD ENFORCE THE LAW.

I thought of Guardians yesterday, watching Caulkin acting on a show.  Sad history but I was able to see people laughing at that and it did not sting.  Just was.  Not what I meant. The Roman Gear they wore was probably about Guardians.  They wore Roman dress, and sat on black robes, like I do.  Again, how can I be irritated with someone who hated a me that was not me.  Christian Bale, who drove me mad with batman, later did Amsterdam.  Thank God for that, and DeNiro, who if he thought I was against anyone marrying another person of age, hated me for awhile.  I am not like that.  I believe in free will and I sure do not think Black people or any are less than me.

I am intelligent but that does not make me better than anyone to me.  It has other people.  I have always felt equal to people.  They would think I was judging them.

When The Page No Longer Invites You In

       I used to write like one day, my words would matter.  I thought too little of making myself a commodity, or intelligence was predestined, or forced?  However you wish to damn me is fine.  God does not agree with you, and I have this from the only source I can trust, God.  He would not use me like this without reason, not let me know what I know, but never following anything too far into their myth making about the universe.

    What can I say at this point, when my thoughts I classify myself at this point. I am repulsed by the thought of any violence.  I do not get the feeling I get when truly tempted to the offered the world thing, which trying again...  Satan fights a losing battle, he always did.  He tries to corrupt you perhaps into beings that cannot stand before my father, like himself.  I do not even know if Satan exists, but we do not need him with all the humans who act like demons.

We must be the kind ones.  Friends matter when you have a billion of them saying, WE ARE ON STRIKE UNTIL YOU ARREST ELON.  We start there.  No private entity without controls should get billions from the government.  Especially to an uneducated drug addict who actually fucking thinks he is going to Mars, with money that leaves tens of millions of starving.  WHEN DOES THIS BECOME A CRIME?

I knew the end was coming.  Just did not realize how soon they would just drop the pretense and not even try to hide their racism.  A white Christian nation is exactly what the constitution is meant to stop.  We have an administration that is trying to create one.  Only the Armed Forces can legally stop this and put the insurrectionist and their administration on trial.  We now know Trump financed 6/1...  that this has been proven and he has not been arrested is because of his right wing thugs.  They send murder threats on the level of the press, in reality that means they are usually killing people already.

Russian satellite killers could bring him down in a day.   

Doomers On the Catholic's Path to Hope

After I spent the week talking to doomers on line, and writing about how climate change will wipe us out in the end.   The Pope in all but name, the human with a direct line to me.  (I offered this once for my freedom.  Later, when my fate became secondary to far too many for me to count...).  Now, awhile back, and now perhaps, the Cardinal, in a mass seen by the disabled, started when I began having effects...  he came out after my week of examining this perspective in the young, the Cardinal walked out and before doing anything said, in a voice like 'what am I supposed to do with this?'  He said, "The end of the world." 

I made clear this meant religions were going to have to give people hope when the Climate offers none. This was RIGHT BEFORE the Rome Pope (who is blessed as all Popes who seek the mysterious will of God, rather than merely accept what has come before;  they are to be given messages of great change, without having to crucify anyone) launched  the campaign Pilgrimage For Hope...  

When I came away from the Doomer community on line, I realized the depth of their need.   My past experiences with how such people can be taken in by cults...  hopeless people find it, in the changes that happen to their brain when they are inducted.  Easy to show the math on this, but no one wants to admit they are deluded, so they made deprogramming outlawed.  Cults give a lot of money to Republicans to protect them.

When in the depth of my thoughts, where a savior dwells, I know that souls are being saved even now.  That my actions are finally able to be in tune with who I usually was in my life.  I admit my sins from the past.  Feel the pain as floods of memories inexplicably flash up.  I get rid of them with the Buddhist technique, bury them as deep as I can.  Like I do with lust now that I am de-objectifying women as much as possible.  I always said a man should not lead the women, when asked.  Can I help?  I hope so, because like others, I will always be on their side.   However, I will fight tactics.

I was thinking today and for many others what should I do....  my mind, in a totally new phenomena, cannot imagine violence... if a thought moves that way when I am thinking of stories... or anything.  My mind recoils and I think this is a sign from God, one that means something to me alone, is fine.  His work is obvious to you when I point it out, like I recently did.  I do not remember all I told you but that is part of how God works...  new information pushes out the old.

Moses was told if he held his arms up, the Jews would win on the battlefield.  When he would get tired, they would lose.  So finally they sat him down and held up his arms.    When I heard the good Cardinal give this obscure, and somewhat non-sensical except in a time long ago, when there was war all the time, and to win avoided being sold into slavery, or worse.  A prayer for hope.  Now it sounds silly.  They held up his hands, or the Jews would have lost in a war.

Do you need me to stay in this war...  well, I was born into war and will die in war.  Somewhere grunts are forced to fight because of the hoarding of wealth of a few powerful, untouchable men...  and now one Untouchable President.  Voters may be able to change this.

Moving on from there...  I used to be such a conspiracy theorist on facebook.  I went out there, Jon Stewart mentioned it.  He knew what was going on and I did not.  Kept ignorant.  Still...  what am I to say...  I did not know orange would be racist or I would have had nothing to do with them.  I feel betrayed, but nothing like blacks would have.  They tricked you at least three times into thinking I am going along with horrifying acts against blacks, because I saw one once that I did not believe could happen...  I was trying to scare off this weird force that was on my tv, the streets, etc...

When no one seemed to want to talk to me...  or they would have at first, and I rejected them out of being in shock.  I was walking around with the dog making speeches or anger and shit.  I look at it now and think, That is not who I am....  the crazy person they were all trying to use.  The spies.  I am not here to do the bidding of anyone except God.  My mission is winning as long as I am alive.  I told you once that dead I was more powerful, leading James to subtly suggest I should die and be more powerful.  Right during the period when the CIA or someone wanted the same, so you could bury your sins in my coffin, and write your innocence into my public biography.

The pieces of the puzzle do not involve violence.  Though this hard hearted place I can go, knows I would fight instantly to defend.  I will instigate nothing.  Know nothing I am, this is safest.  I just no longer believe you need me.  Though I cannot risk that.

I am sorry I insulted all of you who I have.  I was the one who was wrong so often when I spewed out my anger on them.  God forgive me I scream again in my thoughts.    

The End Is Near

       I saw, the day Trump was elected, a meme mocking something I had written about;  it said that I had been undercover for forty years... I had said, and then later told them was a fucking metaphor, not to be taken literally....   that I was underground, destroying bad guys.  Well, fuck no. They were often great people, but I could not know.

When I think of this now I see how I was used.   I also see that I am ready to take on whatever, with your help.  You know who you are.  Guardians.  The Children of God.  Peacemakers.  Fighters of wars of justice.  Not the false righteousness of the zealots.  No religion wants you to kill.   Religious beliefs may require this at times... or the morality gained there, that require one to act, even if it endangers you, at times.   RELIGION IS A PLEA FOR PEACE. 

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS being asked of me.  I will stand up and help you if you need me.  Always.  I saw the black woman who had a nose like Nina Simone s and she said she had been ashamed, but when I said Ms. Simone was the most beautiful woman I had seen... they showed her from the side, with glasses on.  These things were a greatness.  Bringing people together.  I was always surprised anyone cared about my opinion, and I am humbled.  Absolutely humbled.  I would wash your feet.  

I have caused too much pain in this world to be forgiven.  Bane is once again the opponent of Batman.  Bane who I barely remember, actually.  I do remember thinking you had sinned.  I was still very religious during this, in a strange way.  Now I feel a resolute questioning of what God wants me to do... though I am a willing servant, I have learned these last four years to Fear God.  This I had never considered before;  now I know how fearsome my God can be.  

I am grateful that the television seems to be leaving me alone, mostly.  I am still questioning if watching a show harms them, or is not noticed now.... perhaps Trump has cut this off?  Is that possible?  No, that is not going to totally happen... or it has already... I would love to know, that is for sure, though to hope for something like that to happen is a bit much.

 I am a guy who found he had walked through a mirror into Wonderland, only this one is war torn.  A place where I see all the time the cool guy who hung out at the park a lot in the summer.  He came to me one day just after this started, and said he did not want to die.   

I did not want anyone to die though I was crazy enough to threaten you.  I was not in my right mind.  I know this is true.  To think my life is in Batman movies.  This is not flattering to me in the least.  I do thank the class and grace shown by Amsterdam.  I wanted a country where everyone was working together, not against one another.   

I think back on what I wrote in those first few years, and what I said.  When I lived on Estes and was writing all this revolutionary prose, that was being filmed.  Unbeknownst to me, people acted on my words and were ready to fight.  They would have been slaughtered.  At the time, I was concerned about the dogs I had attracted.  I believe we can all get along and HAVE TO, especially now.  I said let them go home.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I let the Nazi's free when they chained themselves.  I saw so many killed after you asked me a question, that I refused to answer when you asked me what to do with the witches... who I knew nothing about. I was shown a women kind of blathering.  You said a witch in a broom factory is a problem.

Then supposedly my brother Dave sends me a badly done, rock video, showing two of three witches put to death... only the Chinese one lived.  I knew the slaughter you did.  I have no idea how or why you really do these things...  how are these white people so sick to think they should control politics, no matter what the population thinks.  This is a dictatorship.  Unless even the Republicans recognize this is wrong and vote Democrat in protest....  slim chance of that happening//they could stop the fascism though.

So what do you do...  Lord, I would not write even a speculation, because I accept I am too ignorant to make decisions.  Most.  My morality is known.  I have to make clear I will sit down with anyone, no matter how much they hate me.  Or I hate some belief they have.  First off, the person with the belief is not the problem.  Their belief is not the problem.  The problem becomes harming one another.

This is where we have drawn a line and they sent a recently recruited, racist army over that line... and started building concentration camps.  First for the immigrants?  Hell, no, private prisons have been running wild for years, the public has just not paid attention.

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I thought I was working with good groups.  I was innocent.  Now when I think back on those who hid their agenda from me, but expected me to lead them in a revolution, and do not know whether I was right or wrong....

 I wonder now, since that strange dream happened during these times.  I was fairly crazy at that age.  When I think back on myself I am ashamed and sorrowful for how I treated people, before I finally became sane enough to kind of deal with this world.  My mind was scrambled like eggs.  I was classically brainwashed, though mystical events had followed me my whole life when I think back.  You can say I had really bad luck.  Living this life sucks.  I never wanted fans, or to live on stage.

     I will always remember the third rock from the sun character, the smart one, went fourth wall and said to me two things, one was, NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU, and the second one was, I WOULD BE HONORED TO HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MY LIFE.  Like my torture was a show.  I saw Russel Crow in a brief skit showing him getting all these internet hits and being all happy about it...  I never got to know about these things.

A week without Democracy Now

I want nothing to do with groups that will not accept all groups into the fold.  We have to work together.  Whether we like each other or not.  Doesn't matter.   

I Don't Know Anything

      I have no idea what a celebrity is like, or if my criticism is right or not?  Not something I took into account enough over the years.  I have to disconnect from all of that confusion.  I have a past that I will never live down, certainly.  But I was never given a choice, usually, and when I was I fought against your madness and killing, until the end...  

Now that I know what has happened the worst thing I can do is give whomever more fodder against me, or cause them more pain.  I do not wish to do this.  I have always been too far from what is going on.  You call it my being in jail, but I have done nothing that you can jail me for.  No trial.  This is not a fair world.  I am a leftist, a real one, though I have been used by the worst scum on the planet. 

I watch P. the show that was kind of about me in season one.  I sure learned a lot.  Thank you, all.  I felt understood.  Though it was...  obviously just a reference to a character I ended up playing.  Why?  Just to be mean to people who seemed to be invading my life for no reason?   Now that I know, I have to make sure I do not fall into this illusionary trap of thinking celebrities matter to me.  This world is falling into the hands of dangerous people.  I refute the violence of the past.  I do not know your secret groups and shit enough to say anything that cannot be easily misunderstood.

I will not give up.  I do not know if I can make any difference but I will try.  AND I guess I have learned whoever I want to get the Mark Twain prize I should just put down.  Other than Mr. Hart.  I saw him and thought black people were allowed in the Orange movement.  No offense to any Mr. Hart.  All of these people have been thru shit I do not know about.  What I do is atrocious.  That the people behind it finally have the country is not the FAULT of the government, it is the fault of crooks, and keeping me ignorant.  They grabbed me and raped my head.  IT IS NOT SELF=PITY to feel pissed about such things.  I was and am at this second, though normally not.  At this point, with Trump, I will confront him as I have learned to believe is best.  But I am in a zoo.  What the fuck do I know?

I have nothing against Italians or anyone, and know nothing about any mobs.  I was surprised when suddenly Italy, a gorgeous and Holy land to me because of Rome, and the Holiness of so many people seeking God together.  I don't know, Mecca probably is the same?  And I never thought harm would come to anyone.  I was trying to right some wrongs, redistribute wealth, and ease your horrible fucking hatreds of each other.  I did not at all think anyone would take the shit I say serious.  I get that illusion all the time.  After having words not meant to be holy, let alone ways to live, etc...  taken from my work.  I would have hated me as much as some of you do.  I despise the person I became of this, that side of me.

Feels in the past in some ways, though I am determined to bring black, brown, white, red, yellow, etc...  back around to the Golden Rule.   I had the characters in the submarine having no political affiliation, just doing good where they could.  I know God well enough to know he gives you and I a warning.  But my words do not create the future.  Your future is already written and may God have mercy on you.  Your souls are safe with me.  I write this and my body says it is true.  In my stomach, and the brain that feels wounded right now.

Nothing.  I thought I could do some good in this world.  Always did.  I know saving lives and getting people some compensation, as trivial as it is it beats nothing, not being acknowledged.  That was back when I meant to get people to give to charity... talked about insurance, meaning a nuclear bomb, and it was used by...  whomever?   I don't know what madness you have going on out there.

I am sorry you felt whatever pain you did from my words, to make them such a big deal to you.  They are so nothing in my life.  I prefer that distraction perhaps to the truth, but...  regardless, people who came at me during the period when you thought I was this or that, I cannot take that seriously.  Though I am a person who feels, and is sensitive.  I could make that go away, get my mind in battle mode.  Or once I could have.  My mind still repels from all violence.  I literally cannot write my book because my mind makes me sick before I can get to the violent act.  

I realize how wrong I was in so many ways about so many things.   I was insane.  This is no excuse for my behavior of late.  I may be getting old, but that does not mean I am going to quit learning or growing.  I have had a lot thrown into my path over the years that kills most.  Thanks to Mary Ann and all of you people out there, I am still safe.  I feel like I am coming out of a war... 

I was going to say about peacemaker, they had him this week convinced he had made too many mistakes in this life to ever get to live a decent life.  I feel more that way, than pissed.  I expended too much hate over the years.