Pretense

      South Park.  The show about nothing.  Once funny.  Now seeing this stuff tonight, trying to give them a chance, but no.  I wrote some stupid shit about them today, being driven from Colorado.  That was one of the gut sinking moments of WHY?   And of course I knew, though I could not believe it.  I was not going to another state and playing God Emperor;  nor any place else on this planet, as long as my sanity is intact.  

   The got a billion dollar contract, and Colbert got fired...  this is where we are in this world.  A rich right wing trump cult member is in control of CBS.  Also the FCC which will prove to be much worse, since he is already threatening to 'Colbert' a host of the View.  My apologies to colbert and stewart for the stupid shit I write about them below...  just a bad mood.

    God, the Reagan boy never comes out and says don't mix religion and politics now that I have given away power...  the power of earth?   Dust.  Just dust, sooner than you could ever think, you will be.  I am not saying live for your death.  I am saying there is a supernatural power.  You can live decent and be welcomed in my house, no matter your religion, beliefs.  Even prejudices.  We have to be able to talk, and I thought this was clear when ...  like prison gangs, is about all I want to say.  Though who knows what it means out in your world?

I am tired of being stunned by how ridiculous this country has become.  I am tired of hearing that I am to blame.  Is that the case?   Are you once again going against me because I did not go along with your little plans to take over.   I learned the price of your take over and no one who cares about their souls would contemplate such madness.   Such a waste of time and money on shit I am going to wipe away with a sweep of my arm.  

Now I am seeing the entire country is in the position I was once in.  Thank you for saving my ass... no, they have to come for you before you will do anything.  Me?  Leave me to fucking suffer.  John stewart saying I'M RICH AND I HAVE ROACHES.... your fucking shower curtain was not covered in them every fucking morning shit for brains, or were they?   I am not rich because of shit heads like you who I once trusted.  And Colbert.  I thought I had friends in your world.  I do not know if I am right?  If so....  well, I always hated I caused you two any pain.

No, just more sell outs.  More enemies.  I once wrote what I would do if it took that to fulfill my mission and now I realize only you can save yourselves.  I am here for what comes after at this point.  The time of fire is coming.  When whatever lived, should it echo out into the universe, will be dispersed.  '

 You wrote me off as disgraced before you understood shit.   And I am sick of the judgements of people who don't know shit.  Not about me, life, morality, leadership, etc...  they toss me in a cage, that gorilla in the zoo, who tossed dirt at a stray dog that got in his cage...  later it was learned the dog, with a pack of huge dogs, killed a man crying out for his mother.  You ask me to shut up.  Not murder, not trashing different ideologies.  When peace is called, in my fucking name, that means peace.  DON'T FUCKING MAKE ME OUT TO BE A LIAR AGAIN. I am done pretending.  Now is the time of God, not man.  Note the difference well.  As your world burns.

The Monster Rose

 You agreed with the decision to slaughter

The day Kamala backed away.

For this again I find a reason to decimate an army.

Reason enough to make the basic consciousness service

Before self.

Know

I will follow NO ONE except God

Though I recognize earthly authorities

And laws

Even when this seems naïve.

THE MOVIE SINNERS

I do not expect to be a part of other cultures.

I do expect myself to be respectful to others.

Even though the 

stated Palestinian view on gays alarms me,

I have always stood with them as they were harassed.

Same as I have people of whatever sexuality they care to be,

I believe in Equal Rights.

This takes in everyone.

I do not believe in one culture.

I do believe in one class.

I came to the city to see all kinds of cultures.

I claim to understand none though all of them

took my heart and held it with care.

The movie shows racism bare and raw

Shows the evil one singing songs of Dublin, 

a white Vampire...

who attacks them.

After they have stolen Irish beer

and Italian wine

drive down south from Chicago

to make a wad of money running a bar

The First Vampire

Talks about they are a family and he can read all their minds.

They follow him one and all after a bite.

My mind goes to the classified ... horrors.

To Trump and his racist minions.

I see myself as I should a bit as well though I have never

been a racist or acted like one or tolerated them much.

Not an expert just respected too many black people

over the years to stereotype them

into whatever it is some do.

I can take this film too many ways.

As always we have to work together 

For our mutual interests.

Not one culture.

I wanted to effect culture in some slight way.

Period.

All artists want this.

To be the book that changed them,

effected them.

Not a bible.

Always a question mark

now.

I don't want anyone to follow my path.

At all.  Most of it.  Without signed parental permission.

POSTSCRIPT.   I have loved all of this directors work, and the stars, which is not something I can say about many films.  Sinners works on levels I will never get, though I thought I learned some things.   I have been of late so depressed over the state of affairs that I have avoided triggers that remind me of violence, as much as that is possible.  I wish I was out in the real world and could ask this filmaker question after question.  Many of you fascinate me to no end.  Most humans.  But, I was dropped on my head as a kid.  Grew up and started telling lies like an idiot alcoholic does.  Thank God that is over for now.  God bless.  I am humbled by art like this.  Astounded humans can make movies so good.  And the secret depths I insert or am shown.   

Tolerating

 

Marines Semper Fi...  

or sit around sweating for no reason in LA costing millions and millions,

as the mad near king rages about immigrants with no clue of the ramifications.

God almighty must move mountains into this evil path.

All political formulas are fiction,

only the force produced is real.

I write seeing lies from their lips

saying they are going to benefit 

from being stolen from? 

I cannot hate MAGA people

Cults break up when their leaders fall

As he shall.

In God's time.

Trump is false masculinity.

A predator to all.

A Buddhistic Hungry Ghost

Sentenced to never be able to eat enough

To fill his stomach.

Trump is the reckless, senseless

dusty plans shown me in 2006

When I told the Heritage Society

I won't kiss your ring

but I might kick your ass.

--as Don Lemon summed up our exchange on CNN.

This was after being brain washed into a mania.

18 years ago.

People grew up on writing I look at now,

Knowing how you were reading my words,

Crazed by who I was.

The anger against everything.  The confusion.  

The battle against life-threatening depression, drug use.

I can barely stand to imagine being watched.

This is not a show and never was.

Just a guy who was being attacked for some reason,

and picked up whatever he had and threw it...

But I thought pure love would win....  sigh.

I think this is no time to reminisce especially

The places my mind goes.

Though I wrote thinking nothing like my words was really happening

And sure as hell unaware of those suffering in cult like conditions.

When I heard what they told you I ordered people to do...

To people with different colored skin

I could not understand how such a thing could happen

In these days and ages?

I got into a stupid argument with a guy

I did not have my glasses on at a bus stop

And stared at him.

I did not even know it was him,

until I turned to see him right beside me.

I was not going to escalate the situation.

Had I my glasses I would have looked the other way,

simple as that.

the esteemed Rev. Jackson I was asking to acknowledge me

To come fight with me...

USED A STUPID PHRASE.

No one asked.

I cannot stop living all of my life at once some days.

When I first thought of people being told Jesus did not like them?

Kids.

I heard horrors.

I had no idea what people were capable of

What was spawned.

How people were effected haunts me

The tiny bits of the puzzle I get

A singer saying he was told how to dress

Haunts as it reverberates out...

I have never felt like I was here to lead,

I have felt called to.

In circumstances

Where there's no rejecting

Using the gun shoved into your hand

As you watch the enemy fire.

Just Why?

 The poetry of the mad young man 

is gone.

The dreamer of hope and delight buried under memories.

I do not make enough new ones of note

To fill the void.

Now I worry about the reactions of the people to me.

I do not want to be noticed

by the world

though if I can do good I must.

There is no question.

Internationally Known Prisoner.

Thought last night 

I had the thought

that now is the time

when I would rather be killed

than kill.

Once a warrior,

Now a cloak

thrown over an invisible spirit.

I once knew God was with me or so I sure thought

and lived through me somehow.

Now I look at these times with such horror.

I feel I am insane.

Or went insane.

What triggered that?

I did not know why I had influence long ago.

During the Olympics I enjoyed that year

Feeling so like a spirit on earth.

Celebrating.

I really expected to be freed

Then...

How can anyone go on after this?

For others.  

If I had children I would put on a game face.

Or work.  I have only this pit of acid I sit in.

The physical pain NOTHING 

compared to the emotional wreckage inside.

I can and will go on and remain focused on the living hells

breaking out all over this planet.

Trying to free who I can if my words help.

There is plenty of room to make the future better.

Better.  Never fixable again at the rate we are going.

Life better for the many and not the wicked few.

I saw one of you trying to be humorous about Bain

the character from the comic

trying to get his minions to steal from the rich

and give to the poor.

They are easily beaten up.

I do not know all the hells you lived through under pain.

I stopped them when I discovered them though the world

held me prisoner and expected me to just go along.

And lead.

Work with others.

I look back on that person and do not see myself.

I have seen you kill me in so many shows.

I would have killed me long before any of you did.

I killed that person 

you showed me

as soon as I learned about them.

Which took my being debased before the world...

To even find out about.

I think of what becoming a part of your government then would have done

left a war going where innocent people were dying

covering this up.

I found out when my actions created

The connect to some reality

That I needed.

I started out a guy writing stories.

No idea anyone would care,

then loved when they did,

on the blog.

The audience was nice.

What became of those horrors

Blood flowing from the words

of comedy.

No idea I was considered . . .

Now 

only now 

I understand how little I know.

CONFESSIONS WITHOUT REDEMPTION

 Every foolish move I have ever made echoes through my head.

Every way I might have lived this life differently.

Decisions I made rash and young thinking the future 

was as a famous novelist.

Wanted to use fame to help the world

the downtrodden and the demonized.

To stand in front of the torrent of stones and say

Who is among you without sin?

They messed up my head.  I remember suddenly switching to poetry

after all the comedy.

From there on in those who victimized me bore the responsibility

for the monster they wrong.

Like everyone around the world

I went How can they just take someone 

and do these things to them?

This country needs to restore the safety net.

This means fishing for souls perhaps?

My words have no muse.

Come from a place of the dead

morose anxiety and knowing doom after doom to come.

I have no more hope for you.

I once just pretended I had an army

or influence...

my days did not show anything like that.

You have kept me in the zoo I hate.

I tell myself this is nothing.

But the deaths now pile up.

All around me.

Too high already to see over and...

the reckoning comes when it comes.

Act without me because I have nothing for you

except the prayers of a question mark...