Jack Not Fucking Shutting Up

 the messiah is in my heart and mind

a savior I cannot deny

Anymore than I can deny the workings of God in my life

I feel volcanic  powers inside of me

Not outside

Feel explosions of fire and lightening from my body

Blasts now

Wondering if the time has come for what will appear miracles

if such a time will ever come

 I do not care or believe in

Though I have learned God has sent me

To keep Democracy and protect the oppressed 

by making as many decisions as possible as one flock

Or the ancestors have sent me...

 that myth as well...

Feels real in my head

A cry of bring peace to the family.

In endless space all who have ever lived or will live

seem a minute bit of minutia 

like earth from space our family appears from a distance

Or did or will or has.

Time breaks apart and I cannot tell

If I am being cut by shards of yesterday or 17 years ago

I must be Ready to confront any evil 

like any prisoner I have no choice

I am Fight.

No matter how close to me once.

I fight.  I win.

This is the Hand of God.

morality and faith 

Always there however forgotten or tested.  there. 

I will lose my way again.

Aright myself.

I will never fall.

I have been offered the world

and knew I was being tempted by the Satanic

You rich folk have made starving the world to death normal.

I am calling your bluff.

I 

fall into pits

of thought.

quick sand sucking me down fast

... I can't breathe.

I hear voices all around me crying for their mother's

normal when grown men die to call out for their first God.

You ask me to write a check to the abusers.

I tell you they have no future,

And THOUGH I HAVE BEEN RIGHT every fucking time

I have told you something like this, 

you let your hardened--too messed up to feel--persona

Cynically come out

To protect you from the empathy that eats my guts daily

At the bottom of the pit of thoughts...

my lungs full of them

'I can't breath.'

down into a world where my dueling sides meet

in battle too bloody and too sublime

for anyone to understand except me...  or I don't

I can supply a narrative though if the words mean something to you

they do

If they don't they might someday

I do not care either way, either way...

All are welcome in my house.

Even those with beliefs I despise because we have to live together.

There are wonderous qualities about most people.  I don't expect much.

Misunderstandings too many to wish to remember with the Blue.

I have laid down how I feel.

I will serve and protect because that is in my being.

I have done so all of my life.

I know how badly the future will need a structure

to keep the chaos at bay

Though I also know that will take the trust of a community

and that causes you a laugh and sounds like cop porn to others.

I have more faith in the Blue than they have in themselves.

They think they are only safe if they go to the other sides.

Laws become punishable or not...

I heard Trump say the same thing I did once

Use the police as shock troops

The hell of this led to copper skin like mine.

 blood no longer washes off.

The backlash of the idiot minority will turn on you

As will the military.... 

God please go to church and pray away

your march toward war

There are a million paths to peace you will ignore.

I will be standing at each and every one of them

beconning toward my God's light

Waiting for all hell to break loose

So I can shut the Gates AGAIN!

You follow Trump down if you will...

I have said all I can 

and obviously I would not make your mind up for you

even if I could.

You have free will 

choose an eternity

  traitor

going to jail

or a real grave 

and if you think you have some vestige of religion

than you truly are damned.

The soul enters the babe at first breath.

I remember my birth for a reason I realized when I heard the bible says this

I never want to lose you as allies

I will never make you an enemy

Never forget what you have done for me.

The sacrifices.

The horrors.

I would not have wanted one bit of that.

We have the future to rebuild.

Unless you follow Trump.

Then so many of you will be replaced

I will go on

 won't matter to me

My love for you is that of comrades in war.

Citizens of the country I love

And a manifest of the law

of which I AM.

Searching For Meaning In The Rubble

      No one cares about your life unless you are famous, is what I heard about autobiographies.  I am tired of writing words that will be outdated with the next news cycle.  The changes I have witnessed in a day, were rather extensive, there for awhile.  I am praying for awhile this will not be the case.  After the election I will feel much better.  Whatever way this goes, we have a Governor who is not going to take his shit.  A mayor, as well.  An Island of blue sanity.  A haven of rights, and multi-culturalism, which is a wonderful gift.... nothing to be afraid of.

Or they will make a mess of things, and there will be violence.  The other day I heard Trump say that police around the nation would be his shock troops.  The guys with guns.  I know some meet with him, but they do not, like most people in a class war, realize they are helping their enemy.  Just like the last election, people will go to jail after this one.  Trump is going to lose.  And you will end up in jail.  Lose your pension.  Of course, worse of all, you become traitors. 

 I will not stereotype you.  I know we have differences, and common ground.  You know I can wait for you to come around.  One thing I have is time, the great part of being immortal.  You will be needed more in the future than you realize yet.  The streets need reformed from within first...  but, what do I know... maybe nothing.

Chained to a Pulpit

 

An Eagle Eats My Guts 

Each New Day

I awake as claws rip onto my sides

tearing soft through soft flesh

embedding in rib bone

then the first strike of the sharp beak

tearing thru my flesh and ripping out my intestines... 

I stifle screams

keep walking the body through the day

I have seen what I call wars all around me

I try to stop them because I do not know their motives

I was tricked once by dogs into thinking we shared the same thinking

When they act of phobic fears that I consider absurd though still deadly

I know little about them

I know little about anyone

I hope we can live together

Sick of fighting

Have no reason anymore

I think but have thought before.

I do not believe this takes violence

Fight fire with water as Hampton said

I have seen those who hate each other for their skin tone work together

We are humans under our hatred

Communal beings that wish to get along with everyone

Inside the meanest looking man

is the trace of a baby that once reached out

tiny arms toward in pure love toward a mother

a short period of having a God like figure forming us

I do not feel like I could be tempted anymore 

I have to accept my lot and I cannot bitch much

I do enough of that for the world

Try to write a message for the Chosen few

You allow to read me who do not think I am a mad man

a fool

or an enemy..

I wish to be the peaceful solution

Though I know now the lightening strike of God.

I took my spiritual journey

Found answers I needed to become whoever I am today.

I feel like a man and more

I do not feel like anything special

I cannot see the world from my cell.

I have a window, or more correctly a tv...

occasionally it tells me things.

Like NBC saying 'We are white supremacists and you stopped our genocide.'

By having their sportscaster flash the white supremacy sign 

right in front of the camera.

That caused a quake.

Dear Rachel Maddow got caught up in the fire

And was going to quit...  oh, if she had, and  went independent...

What stories she could tell without the CIA having to okay everything.

Or could she....  maybe not..  

A petition came up on my feed the night she quit

After I saw NBC was racist and outed them.

I said OH, hell no... that is the last thing I would sign.

I did not want her going back.

Her actions showed me that even MSNBC is racist, some...

Not all.

I dissed Reverend Al Sharpton, for being on a white channel

next day Trump thinks I want a race war and will lead

They have probably wanted this all along.  No.

NEVER AGAIN on that shit.

NEVER AGAIN.

Blacks and whites and browns and yellows and reds and all humans

can get along

Friendliness will be the last currency.

Those who are communal and loving enough to band together

Will be the only way to weather the coming storms.

Not alone.  With a strong government and national guard to help.

I fear the feeling of God strikes

 lightening flowing from me into your world.

Words I scream that surprise me.

Or whispered.

I think a lot of the latest act of God

How he controlled me 

Words I spoke surprise me in reflection.

I don't recognize the person I was

the last four years.

The last 19 years.

Maybe all of my years.

Hard to tell when mysterious medical shit was done to you

Radiation and shots I remember well...  

The scars they told me were wings

Forty some years later

The UFO shows up at O'Hare airport in 06

Jesus erupted from me

Or was inserted into me

Too many expectations were placed on someone

driven mad by your brain rape.

Someone who felt he was under attack

and was the type to attack right back.

How many times did I tell you never ride this unicorn

My reaction is out of my control, a reflex of the universe

Shoulder to Shoulder I will march for justice, 

equality, 

the pursuit of happiness

liberty for all... including animals when I can

I see the chains worn

by women on tv

think of my saying they meant others knew I was chained.

I do not know if this had any effect at all.

Or do  they know I am like this and wish me free

Or they are in chains as well

Or...   there are too many possibilities 

too little evidence

I am seeking a way to shine a light

Once I went to church on Christmas and walked out

seemed to see light from churches all over the world

Bright white light shining out of  their windows

Lighting up the skies across the globe

For a split second I felt connected to them all

I try not to make a lot of dribble.

I want to use fact statements

That rely on the material world, physics, math

I fought you to stay sane

To never give into your lied up conception of me.

When I would begin to God would strike

always surprises me and I believe this last you.

I still struggle with the war 

 before last;

when good people died to get to the rot at the center

the people I could not trust with the power I had accumulated

After learning their tactics in a version of the Hague.

I was never physically able to join the armed forces or I would have.

Or not.  I guess at 18  I was far from a supporter of Vietnam

Though my father and uncles had all been soldiers

Grew up in VFW and Foreign Legion halls passing time

With chips and in ball while dad had a few beers with his buddies.

Now our relationship is complex.

Others said I had a chain of command I never did.

Those who started this abandoned you to chaos

And whatever hells developed when their revolution went to hell.

I had no clue there were still religions people watching me

let alone of such established denominations

Now we are here

My intentions will never be clear.

I am a messenger of God and a loyal servant

No choice.  Filled with the Holy Spirit as they used to say.

I would never have wanted you to do so many things.

Today I thought of people living underground.

How that happened, and how easily remedied...

Who was gaining what by all of this...

Have they been stopped...

Or

r

they trump

zombies like I believe they once called people who called themselves acolytes.

I do not take on students, or mentor people, let alone acolytes.

I am a testament to the works of God.

I am a list of bloody miracles.

I am 

a Guardian of this planet and much more maybe or maybe not

An immortal being who seems to remember watching the beginning 

of the earth

from a speck of dust

until now

all happening at once

in my mind

I travel from then to here

Watching as God crafts a planet filled with life

I am not sure what the future holds...

If some kind of help to the working class has been achieved

I am always shown as a criminal in their world.

I am not sure why this misconception continues...

Why I wondered would Trump think I would do now

What I told you I would die first.

Be an oppressor because you have a phobia

A deep seated fear of any 'other'

your racist daddy and momma passed on.

This is the audience you have left.  Your blind fans.

Racists and the religious addled.

I think this group once mistook me for their own.

A cult passed on to you from the Industrialists.

A 'hail mary' after I kept turning you down.

You cannot tempt me unto death

This is a way Trump cannot understand.

Dying for Love of country makes you a 'loser' to him

He does not deserve to live in this country

Let alone be the puppet running this.

He is the most Ungodly Danger To The World In Existence.

Those of us who are attuned to the Golden Rule recognize him

Flat out despised him from the moment I first saw his image.

The 80's making the rich out to be cool.

Being rich was nothing to celebrate people for in my mind.

Whatever.  I knew then what I know now... 

I would be driven crazy.

Not be able to take another step.

My past predicts troubles all my days

shunned and jailed and kept too poor 

to see much of the world

Jailed or a hostage or no reason to leave

I do not want to cause any more of a big deal than I do

just by existing

a supernatural creature

a king of kings in a place without kings

on earth doing God's will 

Defining myself has taken too much of my time

The voice of God

 and a repentant man's confession.

I am I am

 I am all that was before this warm afternoon 

I close a wall

Heavy glass

between myself and my past

I am the sun warming my forearm

I am the wooden floor under my bare feet

I am my buttocks sinking into the cushion of my recliner

God created all I see around me

My own memories show me the process

the time between then and now seems non-existent

You go from a blue speck into planets, stars, universes, galaxies

Space going out away from your point in the material 

Endless specks of light of all colors

Blurring mostly into white from a distance

I want to think of after this life though I see few reasons yet

God has not told me enough to matter

I know he will put me in the right place at the right time

Perhaps only afterwards

Sometimes during.

A few years ago I was insanely convinced of what I spoke

God filled me with a mania I am not used to using

this long, this embarrassing, this exposed

💥

I get the feeling you have long awaited to meet the person

I have become

Always was

Just had to figure out who I was fighting

Why and where and when and how...

For one breath drawn with hope for something long dead.

How can I react to you who wonder about me...

Who ask about these colors.

I keep finding that I am right to keep my allegiance to God alone

You try to pretend I am going to change.

No, I will die before I change who I am.

Amidst the lies I told were many truths.

This was one of them.  

We did some good, I pray...

Though still  a mess in the head,

I found God came to me himself

surprising me more than you

As if activated into prophet mode 

Seeking spiritual truth.

I am always surprised

anyone is still interested in my words.

Then I find that you are and I am humbled.

The me inside of me feels one way

You feel another about me.

Once this was my savior.

I was innocent.  Brought in without asking.

Thinking this was legit.

I say again and again that I support the police officers.

This does not mean I do not think and feel for myself.

I do not wish to see people die.  

Anyone.

The knowledge Chaos is close by

Ready to fill any vacuum

Shows me how much the Blue means.

I am not going to insult you by just going along.

Someone has to be the voice for the cops who can't speak

Without getting shit for it on the job.

I am not throwing stones.  I am trying to have a conversation with friends.

You want to toss me out over whatever

We have been there before.

We will be political allies when you see my policies work.

I expect no less...

Say what you want.  Do what you want.  

Part of embracing a social-democracy

means having a police force.

The true Conservatives would get rid of you.

Trump might use you as shock troops.

I would not try the patience of the armed forces

but what the fuck do I know...

are they free enough to act in the peoples interest....

I have no clue.

I have hearts and prayers and I guess I am an influencer

or was

trying not to be negative about the candidates.

The dog and pony show usually this time around vital.

To stop a menace.

He has already lost.