Groans are
the sound track of aging.
I come out of sleep sometimes
writhing in pain physical and mental
nerves exposed raw to the world
The horror and the fear of God's doings Intense
He has taken me into dangerous battlefields
Under heavy fire
Expected to die
and be lied about as the fall guy.
They could not touch me except in their minds.
To so many I have been death that I see the fear in your eyes
None of you wish to get too close to my cage.
The man who murdered on a mission No Human understood
Myself included
Until now.
When I lose faith I fear God
I do not know it is God
I call God something else -- an unpaid bill at times
which I lose faith in paying
amazing the mundane ways we forget the birds in the sky eat
All the different altars and shrines spin around in my mind
a tornado smashing saints Buddhist Shrines Cathedrals
all the Holy objects from all that people find Holy
smashing together
destroying repugnant beliefs
breaking down theology
into a bit of sawdust
I write in the beige pool of dust left-over
'The Golden Rule.'
I know God as a friend
The one who was here before
is now
will always be
I remember no beginning for myself
other than the before birth dreams I had as a toddler
of being above a blue planet and being sucked down into it against my will
In my Jesus visions
I remember your beginning
the start of it all from a speck of matter
created in the immense black eternity
right in front of me
Growing ever more complex
and now
here
we are
end times
for Earth.
God is Undefined by my petty mind
oh so human and curious
In spirit the immensity of God
makes the idea of understanding
absurd
though you can glimpse...
the intricate workings...
a metaphor of endless clockworks all moving together
on Schemes larger than you would even think of ever understanding.
the immensity is beyond me ...breath-taking
endless space filled with planets
In my memory of the first creation of God's
started as a bit of matter that became all of this.
I see it all so clear in my mind.
My religious writing will always embarrass me.
I cannot but feel that no matter what I say
I am being seen as a criminal and a psychotic person.
Blamed for things I did not do.
I will accept whatever circumstances I have to.
I am grateful to all of those who know my heart
is in the right place.
The violence is over I pray to God.
Never again.
I fear God though. I do not try to control God. I learned this well.
God comes I will be filled with spirit
As I am quietly now filled with powers I show the barest bit of
I am here for purposes that have manifested.
Now I feel lost\seeking others... they are everywhere
Like where Orange went.
You forced me to declare myself something
So I decided to go non violent protest
Like the Unions in Poland.
I pulled it off the cuff
though my unconscious seemingly had a reason.
I believe now the color morphed so much
turned into whatever
I was fucking trying to do something
about slavery
reality
make a change
however difficult
no matter the cost.
Slavery is like that.
So you make the rich pay a few bucks
I have no idea where all of this came from
I know where it led.
I mourn everyone
Take all hurt as my own
penance throughout the life of this flesh
my redemption will come
when your spirit meets mine and you understand
all I have for you is love
How you behave is another matter...
and my love is for your souls and flesh
the flesh soils the Holy Spirit with its actions
though no evil Satan ever invented could put out the light of the Holy Ghost
instilled by God himself.
Here among the flesh
I am a killer
of too many to count.
I have fought to preserve democracy in my country
to stop a theology
from putting me on a puppet show throne
or industrialists placing me on a pulpit
people putting me on a pedestal
when I have many areas that deserve the usual human disgust
have my good
and bad days.
Make mistakes and have to apologize.
I am still learning to forgive
Those who I feel betrayed me
Simply by believing so differently than I wrote
Like all my words were lies
the mass murderers
those who ran the death industry
of which I am kept ignorant
of all but their existence
and my seeming ability to get them to stand down
from now to forever.
This is no one's plan
as far as I know,
except God's.
We fight, we win. That simple.
I
know
she means peacefully organize and vote
Not kill and take over.
Democracy. A chance to save it...
The didactic that I once lost
I now want any slight advantage I can get for the people.
That is what you do for the starving. The conned. The abandoned.
Everyone deserves our respect
kindness
even if we have to look past a lot to find the human there.
I tried to explain along the way that I don't hate anyone
Even as I put some to death.
I did not hate them.
I was resolved to do what was right
I was willing to die to do so and sure as heaven willing to kill.
Balance a record. Make clear I was not a part of the nightmares
of pepper spray you placed on me...
a guy who stops all the shit.
A Shepherd sent from the Heavens
An undefeatable creature it seems at times
Surrounded by the bodies he told you would accumulate around him.
I was brainwashed into a man who had to fight every day for his sanity
the strength to continue as the enemy of the tv world
a parhia
telling lies about me that made no sense
I had no idea what happened behind my back
around me
I wanted no violence, no torture, none of the perversions of humanity.
You wonder why in the end
I had to stop those who did what you hated
if you still have a problem with what I did
Walk in my shoes
Or hate me as a traitor to the rebels...
I had no one coming to me and saying what came afterwards.
I did know I was shown a list of our industrial backers
and they were being used, some. Those at first.
I had to finally shake off all the armor, the lies, the obscuring
allow the full light to become accessible
through this vessel
cleansed and redeemed and mourning
too broken not to be humbled
by small gestures of kindness.
A creature was and always will be once more turns Saviour
I do not trust humans enough to veer
too far from a democracy...
and when you have
I did what I could to return the balance,
I regret things
even though I would go thru what I have
to accomplish some of what I have
and to stop a person who would go along
from standing in my place of power.
And did it matter... is your world
different than mine in so many ways
that I would find the hatred makes my life all the more appalling
I am blessed to be used by a higher order
that you all recognize as the morals the sane share
the yearning for the ability to be who we are
without shame or hate
the yearning to be ourselves
not what others make us with their lust or laws
or their need for power
used to make demeaning demands on employees
from the lowest mgmt
to the owners...
I will keep moving forward.
There is reason for some relief for the people with the Democrats
Less evil in the world the better.
Kamala Harris
Our history gives me great respect for your actions...
one fine day when Democracy was imperiled.
When war seemed imminent
Those on the side of humanity won.
Those on the side of all that is Holy won.
On this rock I base my service to her
as a creature of God
who remembers the specks
that felt this new effect -- pain
something was not 'liked'
I tried to help you and did...
then there were so many of you in a tight space and...
the big bang eventually blew you all away.
I was content next to the endless darkness on the other side
the specks flying one way and the same old darkness on the other
There God is obvious and contentment is.
