What do words of peace mean from someone who has brought such violence into this world. Not by choice, for the most part -- and then, out of desperation, a need to clear the slate enough that some 'dream democracy' could stumble on, giving a small, rich minority more power than the many, and treating them inhumanely... while still dreaming we have a shot, with this system, to work for the good of all.
I in particular was treated inhumanely, when I was brainwashed, or raped as I think of it... of my personality itself... my thinking scrambled like eggs, as I used to say... They could not dig deep enough to destroy my ethics, or get me to enter willingly into your wars, once I knew that I had no clue what you were fighting over. ... At times I may have appeared to have won a war for the whites, or the blacks, or the hispanics, or the indigenous, soldiers, gay and trans and other people who live a lifestyle that some feel they have the right to judge, or even mere skin tone, but most of all, with those who matter, the one percent, CLASS PREJUDICE encompasses us all. We are disposable to these people. I was supposed to get this throne, live like a rich evangelist, get everybody ready to accept Christ. God had other plans. I am built to identify and destroy injustice, which is a sin. Obviously, there are infinite numbers of ways to treat another unjust, with or without ones knowledge, or acceptance that their gym shoes are made under slave conditions. I could not deal with such a supply line, I say... and have a cell phone that started with child slaves digging in mud, under brutal armed guards. This does not have to be, but the richest people on the earth do what they can get away with to turn others legally into their out-right slaves, rather than just wage-slaves.
In the end, once I had explained myself pretty much, I think... time is hard to place in context for me at times... I mean when I was done lying for any purpose. I will omit what will cause tension where there need be none, in the future. The future must not be a repeat of the past, which has landed us here, would be my opinion, but I do not know where I am, who is with me... who dreams the same dreams of money first going to the people, getting their taxes back, before giving anything to the rich thru arms sales. That entire industry will go into dust, soon... all but bullet and gun makers. The big shit, they will have no more excuses to spend money on, when half of California is covered by the ocean... or the east coast... or where every causes the first stateside waves of refugees. Unless they are humanely prepared for, the worst of humanity may get control, and we see them on the US and Mexico's boarder problems. A mentality that asylum seekers are somehow 'bad blood' hearkens back to Trump's KKK childhood, which appeals to many in this country.
Not all whites are afraid to live around blacks but I cannot imagine the mentality. How horrible that would be. I thank God he has allowed me from a very young age to leave my insular childhood and experience the world as it is, not as I was told it was... any prejudices of the small town, I was insulated from by academia, where one can pretend racism exists in books. Having few black friends over the years, I knew little of their struggle, other than what I saw. Toledo, Ohio, treats blacks like shit. Or did when I was there. But I never saw much of it. Chicago opened my eyes, when I began to drive cab, with my same vow as in Toledo, to pick up black fairs that others ignored. I did get people jumping out of my cab, it was a thing there... in Toledo, I mean. Not in Chicago, at all. Or race made no difference. Both tried to rip me off. I did not let criminals effect my mind by making me stereotype. I had also been married to a college graduate at 19, and she was incredibly liberal, as were the political crowd we hung out with. Not very integrated, but more than some places.
I had no knowledge of this other world, that I exist in now.
I tried various means to access your world, to witness it as real, to be paid for the life stolen from me. I was selfishly focusing on the material. My misery. Always thinking my mission was over. I feel ashamed thinking of people seeing this begging. I was pathetic, breaking down. I think of even worse times, with the cat growing fat and dying, because I did not care for him. I was feeling so lost. No mission... abandoned. I had no clue people were waiting for me to give clues. Then, after years of feeling ignored, to be once more in the middle of a storms, that had been forming on the horizons for a decade. Me, living my life trying to be an honest voice, saying what others were afraid of, like Palestine. I looked anti-semitic then to people, though I pray through this war I have proven to you that I am well beyond stereotyping any people. I have been urging young Jews to rebel against the neo-cons forever, to help Israel's besieged left. I did not realize at the time, though it is obvious now, they were planning a genocide.
How could it be over before I had been '...filmed into honesty.' I said this to you, the first few months, trying to pretend I accepted this because what the fuck choice did I have... I did not know I had one. No one would come to me and explain the situation, except a drunken, black guy, once successful Jazz artist who toured the world, then got on the list of the man, and sentenced to stay in Chicago, a Buffalo Jail. He told me the last time he saw my mother she was dressed in white at a conference of some sort in New Orleans, where she used to go every Mardi gras.
Later came another spy, who I picked up small hints that he wanted to join in my spiritual narrative. One day I was laying on the couch, seeing animals, or imagining them, and the entire earth as what Eve in her wisdom had taken as her incarnation the earth itself. I saw the souls of animals, for the first time, all kinds in great numbers, filling the heavens... I was covering my eyes, talking on and on about how this meant that animals did had souls..... once a few years before I had said that I had never seen an animal soul, though I had seemed to see many human ones. He came walking in saying 'The vision, the vision...' when I dead pan asked him what he meant, he sobered up immediately and said he had done some shrooms the night before. I filed this away.
This was taken to mean dogs did not have souls, and was featured on Family Guy, the CIA show that loved me for awhile, though I had made a serious mistake. Letting them off for ... going back does no good (I have actually been using this phrase to counter the memories, dating back to childhood, where small faux paus or whatever come back to me as dark memories, confirming my instilled diminished expectations of myself-- when I start to go there in my mind, I catch myself... soon enough, I will train my brain not to take that track, is the hope. Should this work, which my present level of neurological research and life experience says 'No Problem,' I will understand better how to use these synaptic tunnels on myself, and thus on others. Right now the right and left have).
The day I had this vision, just when it ended, this spy came walking into the apartment going, 'The vision... the vision... " Like he was all whacked out by what I was saying, probably hoping I would let him in on the religious experience... perhaps others were having such experiences at my words. I see how people react to preachers, and imagine hearing a person of authority throwing out some of the ignorant bull I did... I write once again, I simply had no idea what a zealot really was, and they had built a cult, based on the child they could prove grew wings. A gift from the heavens... the opening up of a messenger from God, a man with Heavenly and Earthly connections, and wishes to use them only to spread love, and compassion... though I have been sent by a wrathful God.
A couple years ago, I felt like I should be let free... that this was important enough to fill my mind, take me emotionally down into the dark pit and left me there, to slowly crawl back up.... or stand, and take a few strides. I wanted, emphasis on want, an apartment I could picture downtown, all the huge floor to ceiling windows facing the lake or downtown. A man with a typewriter, bibles, cats, a dog, living alone. I think I offered to write for the Church alone. I am not free, so this better not have happened... well, it has not. I mean no disrespect though I am not about to hide my feelings on this matter.
I need Mary Ann and later learned this. If she had been hurt, I would be broken in many ways, heart shattered in a way there would be no recovering from. I found out on our anniversary, 22 years, as I thought of the hell I put her through but she still loved me all the more. I am sure when I sit back like this she has an assignment. Just the T-shirts on black history month, now asian pacific. The other more damning things she has done, I do not if she was following some collective mind that she has since disengaged from. She seems to get into whatever I do, to some degree. If she is a spy, no matter what you know she has done, and what I do not know, I love her. If indeed the hatchets are buried, I do not wish to know the history of hers.... unless I am set free. Then I reserve the right to see which is least heart breaking,,, leaving her or staying. Democracy Now, for a brief period, after our 22 anniversary and the obvious love, they had a sign up saying Marriage, at first I took this as a statement about us... then I remembered the spy, when I had a slutty flirtation on line, 'Not to lead the world into slutdom.' A slight break in his cover telling me I was being watched for this too.... I made clear I am for marriage.
You responded afterwards that you did not think I was awake yet.. like I was awake. I was just trying to explain this to you. I had no clue what was going on around me, except as told by Fox, mostly. I thank them for this, truly. They may have lied to me, but 20
Funny, this still applies. People used me. Bought and sold my image. Worse. In the end, I am not even much of a preacher, more a writer of prose too free of conventions to be called essays. I often think I should use that form again, but no... not at the moment, at least, though two books play out in my mind all the time. One has become too violent, and the other, I hate to add any drama in way, wish to write a book free of violence, about bringing peace to planets, by knowing signs ahead of time they will end in violence, before they can control technology, as was the Earth, from which their mission, along with creatures from another dimension that have a very hard time understanding humans, and study them.
I remember such hatred from some of you when you called me a dog and the hatred of others when you called me a dog. I have to assume if Dogs thought I was on their side for that long, we must have things in common other than our racial views, which for the most part have nothing to do with our interactions... as I repeat never enough, your mind should remain your own, a kingdom of your own, build with bricks from the best pillars you can find at the moment. Consciously understanding we are living in a waking dream, gives us the ability to shape the dream... and indeed this is a dream that could end in a split second. All our civil veneer's stripped from us. I have had this done to me. Instead of presenting my best side, I told you my worst sides, as well. Not a plan, just what happened when I was intentionally driven mentally ill. My carefully developed thinking destroyed.
I do not quite understand your cats and dogs, though evidently I have differences of opinion with dogs, though I know little else about cats. You're assumption I am one because I believe in people of all colors marrying whoever they love, This is hardly a reason for violence. Have your belief, but allow others theirs as well.. That is how it works, or sooner or later, the guy with the most guns will just tell you what to believe. Or the man who can rally the most guns... he is of course more dangerous than any soldier, and more valuable than any weapon. A man who has taken my hits to keep this Democracy. I have withstood the temptations of criminals and spies and God kept others from even seeming real to me.
I was thinking the other day about writing on twitter that I design people. I realize of course if I can say it in forty words I should be using thousands.... Context. Old folks like me forget the young do not have the context of the past to draw on. They have never even heard of the great civil rights leaders, the women and men who won them the slim rights they are one the verge of losing. They do not even know there is a class war and they are dying by the tens of thousands every day from lack of healthcare so they can get tax breaks, live in the excess of billions when so many starve....
I have effected consciousness enough that Putin has to mock what I wrote in this blog in a speech of his. We differ greatly on the issue of Freedom. I believe it applies to all, not just his robotic followers. He is a sociopath. They may all be to a degree at the top. Temporary Insanity, is one definition of insanity. Israel is ethnically cleansing by starvation as I write these words,, with my mind flashing up image after image of bone showing starved children, their mothers holding up pictures on their cell phones of the child during happier times... they look like different creatures altogether, now they are the dying, as their crying parents sit looking on, filled with a frustration I cannot try to imagine.
I could not live with myself were I all kinds of people I could name. Why I live with what I have done, is based on the righteousness of my cause, both scientifically and ethically. I am a humanitarian who assigns value to ALL LIFE. There is not much I can do about saving every forest, though I can propagate the thinking that makes people want to and try and maybe once in awhile win. I have acted in ways that do not seem to show this at all. I have worked with people who killed for their own reasons. I did not know about them, did not care, just that a just cause was being addressed.
I
I still regret a lot of what happened.. mourn all. I see no enemies among the living at this point, let alone the dead. They may be souls, reincarnating, etc... but they are also a horrifying, logic defying, primal scream inside that few are alive enough to dive into... . Everyone has their own nuances on the great journey, or the great end, depending on your belief -- or non-dependent of your belief, more accurately. I would love to just open my mind and allow the words from the heavens to once more flow from fingers with a fire I had never known before... For some reason this no longer happens, and thinking more about it, as I write this, the less I want this... the last fire took my life, months, years, on a campaign where the planner only told me what to do at the last second, the only way to have any secrecy in my zoo cage is to never speak of such things, until the day they happen, I guess.
Or so this has happened, and God has out right shown his hand too many times for me to doubt there is a higher power at work here, our creator. Take that how you want. We are specks in the cogs of an intricate machine that goes on seemingly forever on one side, and on the other the calm, dark feelings of a God of great love. Not love for God, necessarily, though God exists to bring out love, and religions and cults always start this way... it is when Hate creeps into the hearts of shepherds toward their sheep, seeing them all as potential wool to fleece... like salesmen who behind their customers back make fun of them, to somehow make up for having to kiss ass to get their commission, and accept whatever the customer asks...
Cease Fire. I do not want this again. No more death. I again, have no say in the matter. When I do, the parties will discuss the matter, after a ceasefire. I am not the expert to handle such affairs. Just an ignorant flunky, a would be fall guy. I have no clue what my future holds. I will do what I can for those who deserve my assistance, though I do not know what I have to give. I do not know what you see, when you see me now.. Some of you have shown hate even now. I can get angry, return their ire, but I am not going to allow myself to hate you.... unless the roar of battle overcomes me, then I cannot vouch for my behavior. Let us never again come to the brink of war without a lot of talking. This is not the time to have a hair trigger, especially over words, which are so easily misspoken... taken out of context.... used to foment lies, etc.
I was thinking of Gaza when I started this once again self serving crap. I keep seeing them in a pit, starving, and we are staring down at them, watching, doing nothing as they plea for food.... the obviousness of the genocidal intention of Israeli. Along with Sudan. Where the color of their skin and the constant needs for food from Africa have burned out peoples empathy.... along with their racism. I am very ignorant about Africa. I will never be an expert but the framework of colonialism, and the class system here where I was taken as 'poor' was branded into my brain only by the unions I grew up around, these I get a bit. The over-all Class War I see being fought daily and will always be on the side of the oppressed. You have placed me on side after side, which I have rejected.
Of late I have worn only black. I do now know which group this is associated with, but it is my with acute embarrassment, that I once more have to tell you that I do not know your wants and needs and beliefs, etc.. I have hints. I will do my best to help, because I see this as women who realize this system has cut them out, and it is getting much worse. I have been clear on my morality, I hope, and KNOW I have no more lies for you.. Should we have this bridge, thank God. I do not want enemies. This does not mean that I will not be the enemy of certain behaviors in human beings, that needs to be stopped... I will not damn their entire being, say they are evil and slander their families when so much was done that for me to recite the few names I know is dead wrong. Actors used in something bigger than them... I look at my anger over this as ridiculous now. I understand better.
Cease Fire. No matter where you are in the world, may you hear these words echo in your trenches, tanks, fill you with hope as you shiver in bomb shelters and basements in half bombed out towns.... may those whose cries are heard outside the blown up buildings, under rubble their relatives have no way of moving, hear the return of sanity, trucks of food and doctors with medicine coming into Gaza to begin to at least return to having an idea of humans as creatures of love, not hateful, and genocidal... now the other fires need a press to find them. Aljazeera was unique in their coverage, and died for their efforts. Their names should shame many journalists out there into writing the truth. In the age of Trump, he will start going after people like never before, being cruel just because his feelings are hurt...
Once more, I offer you my thanks. I am sorry for your pain, and will seek ways to repent for my actions, though I am not sure how.... I seem to see a book for the future. Who knows... I cannot seem to get serious about anything that is not obvious, like the Genocide. As soon as I realized what was happening I quit arguing the matter. They have nukes and want to pull off a genocide, and no matter how the usa votes, they have decided to genocide the Gaza. Ask Putin, if you have nukes and your opponent does not, you really cannot defeat them. King Kong in S.. All the tyrants. Who Trump LOVES... in that Hollywood way, which means as long as they are within earshot.
Remembering a couple years ago, when I tried to go along with the people in my tv, still having no clue what was happening, offered to just consult, if you would stop watching me, allow me an apartment downtown with a view, a couple kittens, a Husky, a dog walker. I wanted to be alone then.... I could not really live without Mary Ann.
. I cannot imagine everyone who knows about these matters takes this with the cool, smooth detachment I showed throughout this... To be sickeningly ironic. What people went through is of unimaginable in a way, even to those who have been through war. They never again are back in those circumstances making decisions from that mindset on what you knew, had been trained to do etc. Or the horror you experienced. On Estes, when the deaths were first told to me, I said, "I have lost my innocence." Later on tv they had some drunken teenagers shown, one young man saying, "I lost my innocence the day the killers came." I caught the reference, to my early writing, when I wrote that I preferred a band called the Killers over another. Being dangerous. Having no idea how my words would echo out into different minds, and play there like orders from God, or the head of the Revolution, or... after the Industrialists realized I could not be bought out, something they thought I would do in a second, being this atheist. They learned quick I have ethics that bind me to humanity whether I am aware of God, or not. Brainwashing Jesus into my head, inforcing my ethics... but I had God, most of my life, as a friend, who I believed that most of my life would please him... I was a helpful person as a cab driver. An endless list of helping people from the start to the end. I could write a book about that, but what would it mean.... others do the same, or more, and get no recognition.
Thank you for reading this. I hope you find in my words one of the thousands of paths of peace flowing out from them, and are not so intent on war that there is no logically talking to. You do not care about the lives of soldiers, they are not of 'your class.' a multi millionaire like most politicians, with houses all over the continent. I seem to care more about so called enemy soldiers than their officers. The time of armed conflict must end.
This will take a force more powerful than the Military Industrial Complex, physics speaking, and climate destruction is certainly that. They play expensive war games parading Navy ships here or there, where there is a conflict. They played a great part in enforcing the Iron Dome around Israel -- no I do not want to see them die, either... We disagree greatly on a matter of world importance, I would still feed them, sit down and talk of other things, if there was nothing I could do at all about the matter. I feel the same about any soldier, no matter what they have done... Killing another is a sacrifice that soldiers should not be making to Colonialize the Middle East. Or protect their old fields for a billion bucks, like Trump set up. He was all happy he made a Billion dollars... wonder where it went... a drip in the bucket with their budget, really. Still, when I think of our young being out in the desert, dying fighting rebels... I wonder why they did not just hire mercenaries.... guess trump offered the US as merc's so why not buy the best....
I do not hate this prince for what he did. He also killed a Journalist, and the day women were given the right to vote, arrested the leaders of that movement, charging them with trumped up charges... I do not know what ended up happening to them, but they did not gain the right to drive with out a fight. One even the small issues, power will fight to keep power. Not that this is a small issue. Women deserve full autonomy in my opinion, to live how they desire. I understand this is not possible everywhere, and surely do not encourage anyone to die trying.
I thought last night again about a foreign film, about a mailman, who found he was delivering to this great poet, and ordered one of his books. He became so fired up by the revolutionary writing, that he left the island where he had always lived, went to the city, got into a fight with the law, and was killed. He is all saddened... as I was at the time. I remember at the time thinking a lot about this movie. How many more died because of my work. The stuff that suddenly started coming out just when I was asked to be on a radio show, etc... I was triggered somehow. I do not know if the truth is I was hypnotized a lot before this, and even during the last few years, perhaps... I think of me sitting here writing this and people out there reading who know the whole truth, so much more than me...
I do not fear what I see as the coming war. It will be defused or fought. The Supreme Court has betrayed the Nation. This is about women, not getting the EPA, and the general misogynists' rules of our US reality. The abortion issue is a take over of bodies. This along with not teaching real history, and all the other dangerous ideas the far-right is coming out with have to be stopped, and if this administration and batch of politicians are too corrupt to fix the problem, then the Army needs to step in. You do not want to be the generals hung beside the Trump family when the treason trials end.
I urge the cops again to remember who has you on their side, as long as you act according to the laws of the land. Trump will fight you, and if you join him you will lose in the end. He does not have the majority of the US citizens behind him. Not enough for Biden to allow him to get the white house. I do not know how that is done, but a presidential decree, demanding at least a mental and physical examination of Trump, to perhaps show his fifty years of coke and speed have caued severe damage. Regardless of the puppet, these folk want a fascist revolution. They were ready to take over the USA, kill the blacks, etc. I will never let these people win. I am not going to say revolt if he does, I am saying if he loses, and tries to take control, we can fight him. He should already have a fucking felony stopping him from running, but our court system, as well, is corrupted.
I keep seeing myself in the city, and around us walls of tornadoes, creating a gray and white cloud spinning far from the city, a slight oval... where everything that had been on the ground now spins as black specks.... Tanks fly by in the wind... I sense an entire army destroyed... land turned flat... while those saved cheer, I fall to my knees weeping for all humanity has endured, since I began watching them,, becoming one at times to do the work of God, knowingly or not... I do not know.
Go Intent On Peace.
