The Realms Of The Spirit Surround Our Seemingly Dull Days

      I feel now too exposed.  Does that make you laugh, or does it make you glad I am in pain....  I remember a Jesus on a cross, being jammed into a grave, alive, and the voice over says I AM GLAD YOU ARE IN PAIN....  I did not know why....  I wanted to work with Williams Street...  I thought these things were possible.   Let me free so I can get an agent, someone who can guide me thru the monetizing of my fame.  I was a rich person I can find no downside in this.  I can show all kinds of ways of doing this and as you know, prefer the system we have but also know they will dissolve.  I see a Democratic Republic that protects everyone.  I also require taxes of sixty percent, to start out, and money will no longer be a person, either.    

I know that no matter they call me, All Political formulas.... etc....  I prefer to be the force, because I do not wish to read the philosophies again.  I also know that unless the money is spread around, then the power is concentrated in a few corporations.  When the corporations and the government are the same, this is nazism.  Workers lose on this one.  Philosophies built on the idea that the color of an animals skin is any way to judge them is beyond me.  Nor their upbringing, which has cultural logic in other places.  I am do not wish to have to worry about the people I am working with doing things I would not have anything to do with in my real life.  This means the life before all this.  I would like justice, but hey, who doesn't...  I am not holding my breath.  A cease in all hostilities, and talk around a table, and not taking orders on a random, seemingly lone wolf manner.  I do not believe the lone wolf leads to anything except stirring up atmospheres of violence.  I hate these attacks...  just to tell messages.  Convinced to a degree of me to a degree I am not convinced of anything.  I will never allow such a thing.  I am certainly not here to be worshipped.

Too much has happened in my life not praise God for the one he has given me.  I have helped people in a way I never thought I could be in danger to..  I learned, and I still felt, you must forgive.  Love had come into my way of thinking, to the point I cannot imagine the violence in my mind to write the book I was.  The deaths in Gaza make all that happened here real.   Like watching the trapped and mad and the fighting on beyond hope, against a seemingly unstoppable foe.  Untouchable.  Lord, how I mourn for that time.  So much that my mind thinks of faux paux, from my past,  that feel terrible about. 

These last 20 years, I cannot begin to process the pain;  even allowing my mind to go there, is like approaching a roaring ocean with twenty foot waves...  I cannot go near enough for the splash to mix with the tears, I have not cried since this started.

  I mourned for you the day I met you.   This much death cannot be faced, only learned from.  By never repeating the old behavior that caused this.  If this does not happen, once more, the False Christians, who do not believe Christ returns in PEACE, will cause troubles... my prayers are for their sanity, and that they may find the Love of God in their heart.

 I feel some days like I am always the last man standing.... the immortal one, he who dies only when God allows His Son's death to have a maximum impact on human thinking about coming together, under a Cross   from which I screamed for hours, until our voices were gone, and the Romans milling about making sure no one was taken down would try to shut us up,  Does my suffering seem the just way to treat me...  I have no question mark on this keyboard....  so my guesses are nothing more than that.  

Right now I am once more trying to kind of shrug, let you know that I do not care about playing cops and robbers.  The missions I instigated were all about saving this country by any means necessary...  ten years ago, telling you I like lots of insurance, referring to a nuclear bomb that was used differently.  I did not have a say in anything, then you tell me later I was in charge.   Such insanity was beyond me, though also what was happening as revolution broke out, using my books criticizing the use of child soldiers as the gospel of Jesus.  Even my comedy, the off the top of my head stories, was too astounding for me me understand until way too late you were 

Desperate Dying

Hate breaking apart.... an illusion of this world shattering... and behind this a divine light, love for all human beings.,,,  the Golden Rule, embodied, the sum of all scripture, the Word walking, talking, trying to do good regardless of who surrounds me.  This came during the Starving I did for visions. Forty pounds, Starving body and mind, for something.  And I was having all these gorgeous images in my mind, experiences that seemed real to me, momentarily.  Sharing love inhaling the love of God,  then breathing it through a human being, until that love reached around the world in mind.  Over and over.  An exercise   I did not expect the attention.  Never do.  Let alone the hysteria.

I saw again a child today, who probably watched and mimicked a period when I was drawing violent drawings, of times I seemed to remember killing all these captors, and they being anyone older than me, and taking control of villages, religions... or setting souls free from lives of horror.  I have an imagination but these things seemed real to me, to have happened.  The idea that I did this had no bearing on what I want, though I remember when you first brain washed me, and left me blind, half awake, drugged... in no position to have leadership, without being told I was a leader.  I was trying to scare an enemy, who I did not understand.  I basically let people call me whatever they wanted, or say whatever they wanted at first, like that I wanted Colorado...  I heard this God Emperor Wants Colorado and did not associate that with me.  Now I would be like OH, God no...  I do not want shit like that.

  It was all to absurd for me to take seriously, especially when the force produced was kept out of my site.  

The Conversion, this last winter or before, came during a time when I was also trying to do one last thing for my country, my world.  I had little idea I could do a lot more, though I see now that this weather control, may be help the Gulf Streams, or something significant.  I do not know if this would help. 

I will serve humynkind as one, in my way.  Behaviors that are Unacceptable to me are few, though they are universal.  Even when I wrote the other day I hate to see lying lips with crosses under them.  There are some lies that do not matter, others that do, everything is contextual.  Post Modern or something of the sort does enter into my cosmology.  No absolutes except there can be no reason for rape, child molestation, murder, and many other heinous offenses that involve using power to victimize the young, weak, old, asylum seekers,   I also will never accept that 99% of the people are kept poor,  so one percent can have the unthinkable largesse of their hideously offensive lifestyles in a time of need.. No one should.  Not even people who are like them.  Maybe especially them.

Buy as many friends as you can now because in the end, friendliness will be the only commodity, the only badge of courage, the only reputation that will bring friendship, peace, and the sharing necessary for all to survive, as long as possible.  I wish I could rewrite your politics now that I have an idea how to make it work, but only in my fictional world, sadly enough, the one where I am a character.  I do not even know if it would work, and I do not think there is time for any major adjustments in government, other than the Military Taking Command, and trying those involved for war crimes, committed during an illegal insurrection.  Then you change the country with decrees.  Backed by Martial Law which you keep about ten years if you have to.  Light touch, community building, but a change of the wealth by heavy taxation, and the way elections are funded, by the feds, with no corporate money involved.  Oh, yeah, money will lose it's status as a person with free speech.

Money is not people.  You want to do businesses in the best country in the world, then pay taxes.  If not go somewhere else.  We do not need them.  There are plenty of wonderful immigrants across the planet who would love to take your place.  Especially when a living wage, and the empty houses which out number the homeless and the immigrants are put to their obvious use,  as a standard for a rich country such as hours.  As we transition in robotics, a check from the state, rent control, and other matters need to be instigated Everywhere.  No fucking lawyers playing their games.  Military Court, resetting Democracy after a coup, using the best minds in THESE fields, who work for these things, to run these programs, not the corporations policing corporations and writing their own bills under Trump and probably others.   

These are matters that much change because our Government is imperiled.  One coup has been attempted, and another threatened.  This should be enough to get the president and the chiefs of the armed forces together to discuss this plan I am writing about.  No splintering later and going off to Trump, taking whatever soldiers loyal to them at the time.  God only knows I hate to think of soldiers and sailors and anyone serving fighting against one another in a civil war, or God Forbid, with civilians.  I am an alarmist on this I hope.

But this problem will not go away with trump, he has started a cult that will follow blindly, and nurtured people from churches who emphasize such things as taking orders from preachers they also demand fortunes from, sometimes to keep from being struck down by God.

  I pray that I still reach the soldiers.  I pray this strongly.  I do not know who can read me and who see's me and who does not.  I do not seem very interesting to me, though there is always more going on out there than I am told of.  I know for awhile you could.  I try to always send love, that is authentic.  Not some hero worship.  I feel pity for you, too.  Pure pity.  I do not want an 18 year old to create the memories they do, or any age...  but brains six years off fully developed, taught to blindly follow killers.  In places they probably should not even be. Serving individually with great honor, in a machine that is racket, to some, a guardian to others, and I sometimes think different for everyone, though almost always harmful it seems anymore.

I do not mean to usurp power from people who can come up with a much better plan for all the things I have laid out than I ever could.  I simply, from seeing this tried, believe it what we need, right now, for a true FDR re-arranging of the wealth, so it is spread around to all people, and spent as the many want, and need... the Greenhouse effect will be your last enemy.  You will need the proper government to protect the people during this catastrophe and you will be called upon in humanities greatest time of need.  Then our great army will have a domestic purpose, that does not require fighting, but building, organizing, rescuing refugee's.  These will be the use of the modern army, within twenty years.  If you do not have a government that will begin to face this, and make preparations, I believe you, again, are breaking your loyalty oath.  Mostly, you are just putting off the inevitable.  The politicians in power will just live high on a hill while the continent floods.  No more flood insurance.  Cancelled state by state.   

y

We can do better and we must.  I have cleared from myself, a lot of the myths that I know you had about me, some which I spread, especially the thought of everyone living under the sea.  Yet interwoven in the tale was a leader who expected much of soldiers, and killed many, after recruiting and befriending them, who could not keep themselves professional in battle....    I never thought of myself as recruiting people until the very end.  I did not realize I was going to do what I did many days.  I do not know what was overtaking me in that time  I was not myself.  I had quit smoking weed and smoking, thinking I could get it together a bit in my life, then the pain increased.... etc.  I do not remember the time line very well.   

I remember you telling me I am some big star and it set something off.  I suddenly wanted to speak to the leaders of countries, when obviously they got the message when I gave it... asked if they remember me drawing a circle and saying I would be surrounded by the dead....   I do not know what I thought was going to happen by my saying all of this...  Cannot remember.  So many extraordinary things happen to me... most people would not have one of these experiences, let alone the pile I have had to deal with.

After it was asked me if I was purple or grey is I suppose when this started.  Have no idea to this day the full definition of either.  I just am who I am and I will not change to fit the dogma required to join any group.  Like I said ten years ago, after the humbling debacle, realizing the extent of people watching, and even a porn connection...  a man too depressed to get dressed, who lives for his experiences from drugs and writing...  in another apartment so filled with crap I put the dresser out in the dining room area.  I am asked why I put it there.  I remember these things so well that it makes the struggle of continuing to fight, with this kind of background, is humbling to say the least.  None of you want to meet me.  None of you want to let me free.  None of you want to let me live in a place big enough for her stuff, have enough money for a dog and a dog walker.   A decent apartment up in the sky, but large, looking out over the lake each morning.  Balcony required.   I would sit at my computer and watch as the beach barriers grow over the years, keeping up with the rising lake's waves.

Funny.  I am not sure why even now you deny me the ability to profit off of my fame.  Is that not possible...am I too hated.  Is the war always hotter than I know...  is the finger always on the button now, just best I do not know, put me off my game.  Ender might figure out people are dying because of what he is doing, instead of being saved.

Until the Talking Heads incident and after,  I think I then went through a period of trying to get you to just let me go free, but I had still to understand that you had more misnomers about me.  I figured part of what I had to do when I came out and told the president that, actually, no, I was not a spy, was prove myself and do as I had always done, protected my country in a time of crises... count the presidents, vice presidents, and their families I saved, an ignorant man who just does the right thing automatically.  Not after pondering plots of revenge.  Might have been around some but they hid it from me.  I knew I was looked at that way, and I was honored they protected me.  I liked being associated with the left.  I do not think any new way  of government here would happen, never gave it much thought, just wanted to help the left, the working man, and Lord and others, thankfully we did.  I was given by God the ancestor of my best friend in that last battle, to remind me that in war, good people die.  Now, I think war itself is a crime.  Peace must be thought of as the way we act.  Not rattling sabers.  Why rattle back... it is a waste of money, and there seems more face in just quietly having the power, without having to show it.  I speak of these great shows of Navies across the world.  Not that I know much, I am sure they are good training, but...  are they the best way to spend money, when children go to school hungry.... 

In the end of this I wish to save Peace to all...  I will deal and quit bitching, mostly, about my situation.  Try to accept this is fine, I can live with the situation I am in, got it better than most, etc...  Though I still have the thought all the time YOU ARE NOT UTILIZING ME PROPERLY.   This comes down I hope to my serving Peace.  Not as you thought, no fighting to get peace.  Now I see how this country can also be changed by huge numbers of people agreeing on fighting the climate in the future, when they are calling for all kind of adequate housing, and lives...  just to live normal lives.  The armed forces can give as many people this for as long as possible, when they are finally called up for domestic 

The Affairs of the State, Forgiveness, Peace and Rats Some Nuts Think Can Speak

 I try not to admit many things to myself.   One is that I am in a sense jailed by my situation, in an unconventional, not terrible way like some.  I try not to admit to myself...  I do not know what it is to be free, how I am seen by this world.  Will I open myself up to being ripped apart by hand, find myself in a military bunker already, that lines were drawn long ago....   if I leave my ignorance, and enter a world, where I am told I am a star, and a lot of people made money off of me.  Now, I do not care about that, what the hell can I do... asking for Justice is absurd at this point, you folks have already made your decision to keep me as ignorant as possible.  Why we have to be enemies, instead of working together for a true win win win win...  however pyrrhic the war, every battle will help.  Like preparing for what we know is coming, instead of pretending the environment is not collapsing around us.

Right now, the last thing I wish to be is the gasoline splashed on the tinder of minds screaming for change...  unstable, not knowing what the hell to believe in this world of LIES.  I accept whatever jailing I have, and if my presence, as I have been led to believe, saves lives than I have no choice except to stay.  Golden Rule.  I am not getting people killed over where I live.  Not worth it.  Like most things, just not worth human lives.  Call me ever you want in your world, I do not care if it is Hostage.  I am on the side of Justice and as valuable to one people as I am to all.

I let be known what I think.  I have no great white guy answers.  Just put together the things I heard that made sense, and discussed racism a lot with blacks as a cab driver.  White people talk about never having had this discussion -- got it all the time, because I picked up blacks, and sometimes they had been passed up by various cabs, got in a little pissed.  I would be extra nice.  But I heard about it from people more friendly than that guy all the time, because I treated everyone the same.  That people noticed this surprised me.... how can you tell I never asked. 

  I know from references to my being jailed, and then held as a hostage to stave off violence,  that people who did not know me well enough yet to understand that I would die protecting the oppressed without thought, simply jump in and do what I can and in my life.  So far, this has proven to be a lot.  The cult was oppressed as hell, as was the brainwashed, uninformed puppet who kept you guessing, in a war with a world that seemed to have begun attacking him years before.  I always helped who I could...  I lived like that long before this, all my life was seemingly practice in twenty-twenty to develop the peculiar skill set that set my genes on fire, to bring out sides cruelly relentless.  Ruthless. Mostly tried to be kind, until offended.  Gave everyone a chance, of they blew it well...

Why I wondered was the tv so focused on me.  No clue all those people were watching me, and I think of it and wonder are they again....  who are they....  what do they gain....  

You admit to being Ruthless in the hope a new generation of leaders can learn to criticize what you have done, and why my actions were set uuoo  Never have to do such things again.  So blue and orange can work together, to keep Justice alive, along with order.  The law once in the courts and the jails and parole boards, there seemingly we can do little about;  the courts are rigged toward the wealthy and many are untouchable.  But the protesters fighting the police is a divide and conquer.  The masses will only attend peaceful marches, and they are all you need to change the country without firing a shot.

 If people you have fought come to you in peace now they are people to befriend.  Friendliness will be the only meaningful commodity in the end, the only one that will lead to the peace we need, so we can change our economies to confront a real, known threat to the planet... the only one that will lead to a better a future from All Countries... Preparing for the birth of Godzilla's Egg's all over the planet, and no way to stop a one of them.  Just have to wait until they pass, then try to live in the crushed cities and towns afterwards.  Huddled in make shift huts.  All you see in the third world from western tv, or better yet aljazeera, and Democracy Now, happening with refugees, asylum seekers, starving people trying to do what they can for their family, leaving once happy lives behind.

During my fast which worried many so that they sent a priest to ask me to ear, and I explained to them that this had been revealed as a Holy Quest for me, a prophetic journey...  found the old ways, that I seemed to not have to remember.  God wished to speak through this vessel.  I was depressed then began to have seemingly miraculous experiences to me, some which seem naive and ridiculous as I think back.

Then came my conversion... a simple message that the hatred was not real...  that I did still have my love for all...  it was an amazing period, though describing it seems like describing a dream, usually boring to most.  I went from Hate to Love for Bob Dylan... who I felt had really slandered me.  Though he like myself knew no better at the time, or he did and I didn't... I have no clue which.  

I did see what I believed was the mother of all, the one who came with the Golden Rule, and I did not have to start the humans over that time.  I was having memories of past lives.  Vivid and believed by my starved brain and weed and pill popped head.  I wish that person had not been exposed to you though I do not know if that persona would have existed were you not there using my words..

. The ancestors, seeing them, and the mother or us all, the one who came along and raised us right, gave us religions long forgotten, based on the Golden Rule, and meant even for the animals and plants..  Souls with minds ready for something... or just developed, to free souls from this planet.  I am a guy making guesses on one level, on another I see miracles and more than just humans work with me.  My religion must not matter to my reader.  All humanity one tribe, our billions nothing in the vastness of space... made up of souls old and new... it seemed to me.  I felt the many eyes on my every action, like I once described, early on in this when my words were taken as a prophecy, that we were being watched by aliens all over, who had watched me pass.  I said I wanted a normal life, that shrines, ridiculously enough, had been built around my toe nail clippings, and I did not wish that sort of life.   I was just saying this, while all the time thinking my fame would get me rich.  Others had other ideas.  

I cannot even speak for the person I was when this began, I was too in shock, angry, disappointed, etc....  spent a month in bed after what was referred to as a 'homeless skit' by whoever.  When I found out the various stations even had affiliations, showing you how little I watched tv or kept up on politics, and some liked me, others hated me.  I usually had no clue why.  Or something happened I did not want to, was not consulted on, or would have stopped, and did as soon as I could  Not once, not twice, everytime.  In could only ask for peace after what I heard happened to some people during this revolution, which I thought long turned into basically something having no effect on my life.... other than the occasional tv reference to something we had done  Went for years like that until this awakening of mine. Learning  I can be of service in a way that I do not have to wonder... do we have the same values... plenty of Issues I back, like Trans rights, are fairly straight forward.  Anyone who that makes me an enemy of, they have some growing up to do, and if they are a Christian, they better be without sin when they toss those stones, or they have a way of coming right back at you, smelling of sulphur.  

An army conjured in the night, who I am told is theological.  A complete surprise they even existed.  This has been the consequences of keeping me jailed.  A lightning rod for the working class, who honors and welcomes all others for their views and wisdom, and know the closest we can come to a shared truth, starts with listening to one another.  A guy who wants to bring all races together.   A guy who see's thru the trickle down scam and would use emergency acts to take taxes if I had to.  Declare Martial Law.  Just like Trump, will do.

My fear was that some position they wanted me to take would establish a throne,  because then an evil person might take over and use all that centralized power.  I was always, all these years, fighting one centralized power, when you asked this.  I had no clue how askew the world was outside of my limited view mind you, or how deadly to some, who I would have never thought would be molested over something I had done.  Now they have Trump.  Trying to do the same things they wanted of me,  a clown who does not look dangerous until he becomes dangerous.

 I write for people who believe in science first and foremost, and I add the religious for the religious, and for others let them be metaphors, or sociological, which is what I used to do.  I do not know how much effect my words can have and do not wish to endanger anyone to discover this.  I had to prod to find something up, and found my answer in Shut Up Jack...  Another about a vacuum, answered.  I have been exploited enough by everyone.  I never wanted to be involved in any kind of criminal activity.

  I was glad for any friends in this world at some points, and I got hatred and liked and what the hell, I did not understand any of it.  I sure as hell never thought I had much to do with any of it.  I had never talked to someone in a criminal organization, knowingly, about anything other than cab rental, and a law suit, where I caught on to the scam and was pissed, went to the lawyer behind it...  innocent cabbies went to jail, the ones who had no idea, and the ones who did.  Plenty of drivers were friends of theirs.

I found out what I needed to, the hard way, of course.

.   I was not involved in what happened by purpose.  I see God's work, I hope, in man's actions.  In this case the people taxed went from low to the highest, the least to the most powerful, then they alone.   I think later were I a strategist like God, I might do the same thing.  And I would never order such a thing.  That is beyond the pale.  When you feel like you are the law and your army needs shaped up and given the proper tools to do the job,  then you fight for these things, even if the blue chaff at first.  The logic, once grasped, is pretty hard to miss.  This is my suggestion for your consideration.  You know better than to take a blind man's words for too much that happens outside of his room, that he cannot hear on tv, or his talking net.  Take what applies.  It ain't all gospel.  Plenty of my months are the grocery lists of life.  Tossed as soon as their worth is done.

Take care in these times of hate battling love, that not all people who identify as Zionists go along with what is happening in Palestine.  They find the holocaust as ghastly and sickening as the rest of us, some more so...  some are raised with this thinking, others pee-pressured, fear-pressured, raised there...  all kinds of things but there is a before and an after when actions like this happen.....   start stereotyping all Zionists and you will be doing the work of the neo con Zionists who have been feeding their blood lust for year, and now are fulfilling plans they have had in the works God knows how many years.   To blame the innocent is to add to the hearts broken, minds shattered, lives ended or handicapped.   This is rampant among some who have been subjected to intense, state sponsored propaganda, segregation from Palestinians for 17 years, and Neo Cons running on campaigns based on blood lust,  and fear of an other, and a promise of land for the taking...

I pray for the Hostages, too.  Zionist or not they are human beings.  Before they were filled with the myths of mind they were joyous creatures before a loving God...as they shall be when your soul no longer needs a body.  As will those Martyred, trapped under the rubble after slow or quick deaths, surrounded by their families, torn apart along with everything they had made of their humble or not lives...  My God is the God of all humans, The God of Infinite Names...  it sometimes seems to me, but the way people come to God is determined by so much, as is they they lose touch.  God is usually lost when you cannot see the forest for the tree.  Often the tree is one religion, or anything that expects ancient words to keep up with present times, which stop the progress of social evolution...  spurred on by scientific discoveries.  The step back with abortion means a Theological Government, mere pandering to fanatics for votes, Very dangerous..

The Irony of me fighting against a Theology.... oh, God, my Savior, thou are hilarious at times, and humbling always in your leadership.   God knows I believe that kings and theologies get in the way a true Democracy, and have to be as checked as possible, by any means necessary.  Like Dictatorships.  Armed Forces decide the president is a Fascist, they need to step in.  If they do, then they need to make sweeping changes, by seeing who supported the insurrection.   The Constitution relies on you.  Or the country relies on you, then.   Other Generals have stepped forward and did this in a lot of countries.  Like they should be doing in Russia, long before that war destroys a generation, and any hope they have of an armed forces. Nuclear bombs will only cause problems that Putin, nor anyone else on the planet, needs.  Then all bets are off.

I will accept any cloak maybe in a pinch if I have to.  I will do the job based on the expertise of many, though I have a framework, for a peaceful tradition to a democratic republic, brought up to date.  The new voting laws will mean breaking up the monopolies, better working conditions for all, shorter hours, some employee owned businesses, because their billionaire owners..  Yes, I will tax to make sure that the Army Corp of Engineers, by one of those co incidences... hope someone is keeping count..... and not adding on things that are iffy at all...  ahem, as I was about to say, The Corp of Engineersm is where John Kenneth Ridgway, my dad, so proudly served.  Or at least he drank at the vfw a lot.  Anyways, they will be busy as hell, and most money will be going to them in the end, when things start to fall apart, and they are our first line of defense..  I hope we will be able to fly soldiers home from around the world in ten or fifteen year s to deal with this.  Sane up folks.   Prepare for the reality, not the rhetoric.  Like with Trump, rhetoric of a dictator, saying Xi controls China by himself, which is not true they have a lot of people making decisions,, regardless, he has the top say....  that's fine there.  This is not what we signed on for in the USA.

  Should you declare me anything know I have expiration date, so my work will be on distributing power to the people as much as possible, by setting up the same old system of electing officials that England used to use.   The candidates can take no money from anyone.  They run by being seen in a series of debates, which the state funds.  Their issues can be placed on a website, and how they wish to achieve them, such things.  Internet voting, etc..  a true democracy.  This will have to be backed up for a few years, because some people will try and rebel against such changes.  The ridiculously rich, though I still hold out hope most can scale down, when I am not asking to end their worlds.  You are hoarding resources and think you are going to get away with it..  People are not hungry enough.  They will be.  I pray to God none of these things are required.

Not my plan.  A plan.  A last gasp for Democracy if it comes to that.  If the politicians can no longer do their jobs yours is to assume control, and correct the problem.  Can you be trusted to do such a thing...  I have no clue.  These are my worst fears.  I want to say something about them.  Though I also do not think I should be forced into a leadership position, when so many desire one, and are better equipped.  I will do my duty.  I will do it with whatever resources are possible.   I hope Biden and Democrats are voted in, and legislation is passed, I just want them to realize where they stand in history is worrying to all thinking humans on this planet.  Trump must not be allowed to gain the white house and have some purge, or the Armed Forces need to get the insurrectionists out of politics, at the very least, and have a re-vote...  with them off the ballot and court trials to show why.

The presently elected have been illegally denying the insurrection, and aiding and abetting criminals, as did the speaker of the house by blurring the faces of criminals in the white house footage he released, saying he did not want the dept. of  Justice to go after them.  Broke the law like it was nothing. This kind of farcical move into Trump using religion to enforce an anti-federal law official campaign, has a rigged supreme court to stop any challenges to him, wants to strip back women's rights, destroy the environment -- was chanting Drill, drill, drill.. the other night.  Could have been honest and said let's kill this planet faster, so my rich friends can get richer, and live lives beyond the dreams of 99% of us.....

I end with Rats... I am not a rat.  I ended up doing something for reasons that God alone can fully understand, though I was not going to keep lying, and that meant the power built up around me that had done things I shall not repeat,  had to be stopped.  How could I ever trust them after that....  the main thing was, it was time to truly show myself, and stop the lies.  I had one last message, what was coming in the future.. I have one last cause, preparing for that, and dealing will all problems that I can along the way.

I ask that no one stereotype me.  I will never forget the night the Guardians brought out their new Mascot and it was a fat pig wearing brown, with a small brown cap.  More of less like a Nazi Pig.  I found nothing funny in this hideous image.  The Idea that my vision of Guardians had become something like that showed me how far apart we are.  I am describing visions I am having of the middle ages, in castles, being the night watch man..... now there is as I write, Operation Prosperity Guardian.... out in the sea.  I wish them safety and send love above all else, of course...    Who am I to criticize this.  War spins out of control, gotta be ready, who would not.... a crazy person.  Still, to see myself at war...  and another sign, calling out the guards of the eagles.   

I will not guard nefarious plans.  Get them off any plates, and if they need that to get legislation passed, then it is too late for this government and they better be looking at how to transition on, helping ...  not fighting what they must see is in need of being ripped out of the hands of our Corp leaders and given back to the people.  This is stolen money, stolen systematically based on all kinds of shit starting from mostly are you born rich...  people used to make about what their parents did in life... until now, when property is out of the reach but all but the wealthy, incredibly frugal, etc... 

We share ancestors, all of us.  Some  are looked upon with love and others they turn they back toward.  This is my religious belief. 

Am I a useful tool in an awful, feudal affair of the tories -- question mark.  Am I a developing creature, coming in the time avowed by a God unfathomable in his actions, though still, abundant at time with care  --  question mark..  

 An actor playing Camus, said,  'We write the say the same thing over and over, we writers... '    I felt I would develop a voice as a writer, the person shown in my poetry best. My ethics often screamed instead off logically explained.  Told in metaphors of war that made my every word seem like a strike on a marching drum.  Screamed for soldiers to bath me in blood, asked for the deaths taken on my side back ten to one.  I spoke from a dream, not even knowing what was going on, who or what I was really fighting.  I thought if they were fighting me, they must be evil.  I was at the time blanketed them as the government.  I misunderstood the true balance of power, and that there were others, hidden, who could take down the usa should they have a need, and others who would TRY to stop them.  I successfully did this twice without meaning to.

I have been called a Rat for revealing what I have of what happened to me.  I kept much back and will.  That is a fucking gift.  What I talk about needs brought into the light, where it must disappear.  A past that cannot be forgotten.  I am not trying to tell anyone anything new, I am telling the same old story, the truth as I know it at the time.  My how that has changed over the last twenty years.  The same mind behind these words, but the thought processes have been changed tremendously due to actions seemingly out of my control.  That which I thought I could, after... learning this was not a play on words.  One day it was brought up to kill everyone with a certain color eye, and a saint to me pointed out that she had that color eye and was all angry...  and I realized they were serious.   

Later I would see commercials seeming to show that blacks were in danger in a near by state.   Others on the tv came right out and spoke in code of people being killed, during the self help period, and the painting, when I lived on Estes.  I had no idea why that was happening to them, did not think my anger had anything to do with this.  I was told only by those criticizing me, and I considered this slander at the time, or you telling me horrible things I did not understand, though I had a strong inclination, then found out this to be true.  I think of all these scenes in my mind when I heard a reference to me, to always kind of go fuck you, I will live as I live....   and the depression, isolation, brain washing, etc...  I read Waking Up Jesus and think how different this book will be now, written as the shapeless being I know myself to be, not exalted in any way, just content and loved on high.... this is the memory that comes to me and gives me peace whenever I allow myself to give into taking care of myself, instead of obsessing on the world, or my place in it.

I do not think I am a rat, because in your case, this merely means some one who told the truth.  I was never a party to your crimes, and the worst of what was done was not what I wanted.  I forgive.  This is in my nature.  Not something I have to work on.  Those I feel hate for in the moment I will forgive one day, though until those injustices are stopped, my righteous indignation takes over.  And I keep YOUR secrets as many know though you shock the hell out of me at times.  I do not know what free is but I sure would like to experience it once...  to know what it is.  I want to spend one day being able to ask questions.  I want to be convinced I need to work on souls not politics.

To some of you, whom I have never abandoned, though you seem to think I will too often for me to wish to remember.  My nature is that of a protector.  At the heart of most cops is such a being, though often this is twisted by racism, into protecting whites from blacks. Ot blaming all blacks because the ones they sometimes run into pull guns.  Or more have guns, due to the neighborhoods they live in, most more out of fear than need, and more apt to be used in suicide, or child hood horrors...  like a three year pulling the gun out  from under the seat while his mom shops, she returns and he he points the gun at her and shoots her in the face. 

 Why give kids toy guns....  my mom tried to avoid all of that with us.   I still played war a lot as a kid, but no bb guns, which everyone had, etc.  The one gun we had, Nicks fathers 22 was something I never ever thought of.  Later the bullies, who hated him, though loved his older brother. chased him into the house, Nick got scared and got the gun, and pointed at them.  The fuckwads called the cops, they took the gun.

No hassle, the cops hated the Woodcocks, who were behind this.  They all treated me great all the time, except their mean dog, Tip.  Supposed to protect the house, and probably abused, he hated anyone not in the family.  The Father was gone because he abused the youngest child at two or three.  Terrible thing.  He was an intelligent man, though a weirdo obviously.  I knew them only after him, when the Mother, who I liked, was a drunk, and abusive toward the oldest boy, in particular.   Sad scene.  They slept on huge piles of clothes, without beds, burrowed down in them, because they had no blankets.  Shitty childhoods.  Good friends out in the streets, etc.

I could certainly write a southern gothic about my neighborhood.

 Nick....  Paul let kids into the house once to beat him up.  You were supposed to be safe if you got in your house.   Your parents or someone would stop it, but no...  the woodcocks.  It was terrible.  To think just when he was phasing out of that, an animal torturer as well, and he was becoming kinder, getting along with Dad and even me,  at sixteen, he died.  I had made a joke the week before, Hey, lets get in an accident, that will be fun.  Paul was amused and asked my dad if he heard what I was saying.  I was standing up in our VW van, holding onto the two front bucket seats, looking at the road through the windshield at the long country road, fields on all sides, just a bit of green around the irrigation canals that lined a lot of roads, making for ditches on both sides.  I remember everything too well, the look of amusement on Pauls face.  It is the only good memory I have of him.  I remember pre drop...  not that day, but his hanging me over before.  I do not know if one day I refused to move,  may have added that in for dramatic effect, but that is my memory of it..  I wrote at the beginning of all this that the Eagle spirit flew out from me and killed him, that I became a murderer at this age.  Man, the drugs they had me on, the flight of the poetry...  

I believed such a thing possible of a Christ.   If there was a God, who that was surprise enough to me, so if that was true, then I was puzzled by what was true with this Christ I felt inside me so strongly at times.... though the irrational things I said at times,  there would be no excuse for that now.  I did not understand the depth of religion.  I did not give it much thought.  My mother, when this started, tells me to read the bible when I tell her I am turning into Christ, so in on it from the beginning.   Like I would take my script from another time, when I had been writing this time all along....  and would not change to play their role.  I tried to destroy the idea of Jesus as judgemental.  I tried to tell you this was about peace and love.   How it went from that to this is beyond me, though how to continue with peace and love, I know how to do that, and the other.

Without experiencing the deaths in this, hearing of the chaos released, slaves kept in the names of this, rights taken away in the name of this.... and so wrong, putting machine guns back on the street, in a time I distrusted the government because of what was happening to me, and happened to me.  Why I was this target, etc.  I get it now.  The people who fought against me, or were involved in the cult, I forgive and believe history requires peace..  You classified this long ago.  I am saying Go In Peace...  I was used in a different way.  I would never have asked of you what you did.  No one has that right.  A system was in place of which I was a cog.  When I realized as much, I struck out.  I tried to stop the excesses.  I understand better now why my presence drove so many to madness, or temporary madness, now that the depth of religion is clearer to me.  The following people do is new to me as well.  I was always one who was seeking things, but I followed my own unique vision, the right of the artist I told myself.

I can only repeat the wisest humans I have had contact with.  Put their language into modern times, or understanding level if they are ancient or talk about them if I knew them.   I am very tired of thinking I know anyone from the media.  I am sure you know too much about me from watching me, which again is a total weirdness to me.  I understand in some ways God arranged this, because a wicked person could do a lot of damage had they been offered the excesses I was to sell out this country.  Or a coward.  By staying physically away from people, I did not fall into the temptations of a cult leader, which in my weird state of mind could have happened and I hate to think of such matters.

I do not know what the best direction for this country is, I know better qualified people than me need to make those decisions.  I will not criticize Biden during the election.  I have to trust he is qualified enough, and that our differences were settled, and the ridiculous plans of the others are behind us, and everyone is safe.  

Those who would call me a rat should know that I make no bones about protecting democracy, and that I support the USA, and their friendship with other countries.  I am not going to like everything governments do, and I am surprised when they get anything right.  They have helped me in my time of need with ssi while also crippling me by keeping the amount so low I cannot live on the check except in poverty.  

I do not wish to have any enemies.  I hope that cleansing the left of negative foreign interests, while still maintaining love and peace and respect among all parties, is the way I wish this all operated.  It seems to be moving that way again in the bit of press that I got.  I do not get excited over things really anymore in good ways but this certainly made my mind more peaceful.  I thank God that two of the big three can meet as humans...

We must never dehumanize one another again.  My respect and humbling before the knowledge of the Chinese culture's wisdom, and struggle to have a society of equals...  they have been through too much violence, as we all have.  The time has come to know, all issues will one day turn into one, survival while the climate changes.  On this common ground, let an oasis grow in this desert of hate.

Samuri's Used to Imagine Themselves Being Killed Each Morning, Because He Would Then Face Battle Already Dead

I have of late been thinking of Gaza and Israel, grieving for the hurt and the soldiers, taking the side of humanity I hate the death.  Taking the side of a soldier, I see both sides reasons for attacking, though I see no way Hamas could have thought this provocation could do anything, really....  other than a backlash of a child throwing rocks at a tank, a soldier.... because they know the dead, lost their houses, homes.  Rights.  Walled in.  

I do not know how God can allow such catastrophes.  I know better how man allows them, and this is theft, ethnic cleansing, all the crimes against humanity partially to stop what the Jews experienced from ever happening again.  Now ethical Jews have to watch their religion being dragged through blood by a neo-con, with a propaganda filled crowd behind him thirsting for blood, from a good distance from any actual fighting of course.  They are doing what the Neo Cons there planned on doing sooner or later.  Now, they sabotage Bidens election...  Trump would have been offering them the Nuke option, for a few bucks off the taxes on his new Tel Aviv Hotel and Casino, he already changed the capital and insulted the Palestinians.  I cannot see how Biden can be blamed for this war.

Biden should come out strong that Trump let the Israeli's move the capital,  and he would have let them war.  Show footage of Trump sucking up to Zionists, maybe that woman who said they would write him into the bible, the billionaires wife.....right wing nutters...   ask if they think Trump would have been able to stop this war..  Have him saying he  cannot stop this war.  Come out against war...  Gotta face this.

They will have Americans at the Hague, laugh laugh laugh says the guy who they put into the secret worlds Hague for a fucking lie...  for lies all around me.  Disbelief.  When I think you blamed me for that I am saddened.  Really fucking saddened people I would never judge by saying I turned my back on them.  Shocked into crazily washing mmy hands by the fact people had died like this....  no one bothered to fucking tell me or I would have said stop this fucking madness long before.... sorry, going into the past, what cannot be changed....  venting.

There is obviously never going to be a path to peace thru the rubble of Palestine.  Their fate is endless war, and being banished from their own land.  Israels craziest factions will have won, the heartless ones, who convince themselves God is on their side, or others at least.  Land developers are a bloody lot.

.  I cannot.  Now the entire middle east is unsteady and we have to prepare for the worst, we sent ships into the area.  

He gave a speech today I liked.   Meant to listen to it all... what I heard was great.... he laid it down like is... democracy is on theline.