I read this and had another few thoughts to add to my cosmology -- if they are not used to using critical thinking to examine their behavior, they are reacting purely existentially. On their feelings, muscle memory, and listening to other people to have a dialog. I cannot imagine being like this. In my mind there are stories and memories in image and word from the moment I awake until I think myself into sleep.
So I wonder, if someone has no internal dialog, do they just hear words and accept them as true, rather than having all these thoughts to question the information.... I fear if this is the case, that their xenophobia will have to be approached more with deed than words.
Deeds more than words. Reinforcement of a false internal dialog would build synaptic pathways, making peoples ability to change their mind almost impossible. Like being in a cult, without the stigma... a club anyone who can hate is welcomed.... a club where everyone can love, is rare.
A club where everyone can be civil, concentrate on their common ground, etc... discussing issues with no anger allowed in the room. Small burst of anger have to accepted, but they would like a fart, a bit embarrassing for all.
A church where everyone can love is unrealistic, and I see this kind of thing and do not care for the kind of glaze in their eyes. To love an friend who became an enemy you kill to stop their force from continuing. I never suspected I would ever be faced with such a decision. Soldiers are never enemies really. We get trapped by politicians into positions of life and death and react.
People who think I wish to continue on such a path of violence, have no idea how much I have learned about why violence has to be avoided at all costs if a world changing, politician changing, world consciousness is going to come together to deal with the Greenhouse effect, and the attendant catastrophes.
I do not need your trust to remain peaceful. I will protect, I will defend myself. I do believe now there is a fourth power, though this must be nothing to incite fear in leaders or 99% of the citizens. If wish this force to remain peaceful, so they do more important work than fund the arms industries, and continue making humans die over so-called politics, or so-called religion...
I felt possessed by God himself at times when I was at war, and I went half-mad, a prophet in the throes of having a Holy Experience. I never wish to experience this again. I have told you the only Fear of God I have, and probably why you do too, or some spirit told you this... long ... I fear what God will have me do to this planet with the powers unseen by humans, the visions I keep to myself now, since they could taken too many ways.
Here I am stupidly dreaming of being able to help the world with weather control. A sanctuary. A man whose dreams often come true, and who can no longer even imagine violence without strong revulsion. I will fight, I remember the lesson of learning about this death and madness and saying, Oh, then I want nothing to fucking do with this.... and tried to emotionally deal with an unimaginable hell, to me. And being told that I still had to fight, regardless, that there was no stopping, we were at war. I was driven crazy than watched like some tv show, like I cared how many people were watching me... when I did not know they were.
This poem, just written, goes back to the first person Jesus voice, I like to use. This seems to drive something home, but please remember this is fiction, whoever you are, and though I mean to show what I know of how to follow God's path, I would wish my life on no one, and I am a bad example for what a man should do with his life, even if what happened saved my country, and citizens there of. I wish for peace, and have fought for whatever I had to. I never meant to actually go to war to get peace, I meant to peacefully protest. You must have thought I was writing an alibi. I guess you all had your different ways of dealing with things.
I do not thank people enough... thank you. All of you. The Mosaic stopping fascists from taking over this country, from any side, that fought me, or against me. God works in amazing ways, and I have so far done good work when allowed. I believe. No matter how horrifying. No matter how NEVER AGAIN I feel.
I am not sure why I am still locked away at this point, or not openly recognized. Perhaps I would hate that so much, and be hated so much, that I would regret opening that door. Your attempt, mostly in my head, to keep me hidden and I am an international star, thinking I am a discarded guy with no power and no say in matters of consequence. Then renewed popularity during the Olympics, then...
Does not matter. I cannot let angry thoughts lead me anywhere. I always said I would take no leaps of faith, that If I cannot calmly walk there... I ain't going. God came for me. Man thought he could control God and learned of the wrath. I do not know much about what humans are doing, let alone God. He has sent me here as a savior, of that I have no doubt. I have acted in that capacity in small ways all my life. When the larger context came in I just continued the Moral Core I seem to have been born with some, though feminism and history taught me a lot about how controlled this was, and I made adjustments... though I know right and wrong and choose right, because it makes me feel better about myself, and visa versa a million times over. All I remember from the past is pain, and the lessons they taught me.
I never ask questions on blogs like I twenty years ago, when I was new, and had no clue I was a project to a lot of people, a grotesque puppet to do their bidding. Nothing I can say about that except I hope to stop you, and with the people whom I thank on this page, I believe more is possible than impossible, and that has to be good enough for me.
I am a wanderer in the dusty, hellish-heat
in the desert of your mind.
With a word I spring up an oasis of shading palm trees
a pond with water of clearest blue
sate your thirst
cool your body
ease your mind.
feel the paradise of immortality
The burdens of life a flash now
in an endlessness succession
leading to a soul fit to enter
the gaze of God
I write today merely to try to distract myself from Gaza, where the Zionists have a Holocaust against the people in Gaza, and all over Israel. The right wing government is not going to listen to anyone about a ceasefire, they will continue their Holocaust.
