Panda's

 Beloved by all, Pandas lived in a paradise, slow moving and vegetarian...  dangerous as any bear in the wrong circumstances.  Native to China, the USA only had Panda's here after Nixon made his historic visit to China.  Due to circumstances beyond my pea brain, the USA and China were amping up their militaries, etc...  and have been fremenies for the last year.   Recently, thank God, they have made up.   But the really important part, world peace and all aside, was that the Panda's, who were being recalled by China after being insulted, and suffering other perceived slights, etc.  Has been reversed...    I read this with great joy.

Xi and Biden met in San Francisco, a town I love very much, and sanely, like world leaders should, they worked on their differences, cleared up that the USA had no military intentions to attack China -- this is when I thank God both leaders can be depended on to know their diplomacy, and how to work thru the hellishness that I glimpsed in intelligence and will never be close to the same --  that they deal with daily.

I am humbled by my small part in the diplomacy of these two forces.  'The East and West come together with Jesus Christ, ' was on the screen during the Cardinal's sermon.  In my heart and gut I felt only anger, pent up and hidden, towards those who had done these atrocities, and I was led to believe would continue to do so.  .  .   the horror I felt just knowing about what bit I do cannot compare to what people went through.  I regret the deaths, like I do all of them...  though these especially, when I think of all we achieved together.  Though I am not a traitor.  And I was not going to allow spies to infiltrate and do the things I was told about and just get away with it...  pull presidents out of the white house.  Not just them, others.  China was kind enough to never try to order me to do anything, as I wrote, other than to fight.  When I was giving up, after being humbled before the world.  God stepping in for the good of all, or I would not have discovered the blood, would have merely been taken into a lifestyle, adjusted, etc...  the human part of me would have been so proud.  I would have loved to tell my brothers I was speech writer for Obama...  but no, God wanted me to suffer, to examine, to try to heal.

I am not just being all Hallmark Card when I say that I feel empathy for those who fought on my side, even if it was not really my side.  Some of you took the things I believe to heart, and they have helped the working class in this country, elected a president who invested in the infrastructure... but then the limits of our system clamped down.  This is a country that can be bought.  They figure out who is going to win by their tv advertising budget...  sickening stuff, that needs to be offset by federally funded elections, which would turn out being cheaper in the end, with equal time given to candidates, debates.   Then after truthful discussions of the issues, and what both sides want to do... the people could make their decision.

Pretty quick they would find out the democrats are supposed to be for the many, and a lot are, for what good it does them...  Republicans are presently ranked on their ability to give Hitler like speeches to frothing masses, too angry at 'them liberals -- they also think the democrats are the black party.  Justice is more respected by AOC than most.  We will use her and her ilk, who will take over this country in the end, when people want trustworthy, sane, caring people to deal with their environmental refugee status, etc...

Like I say, Friendship will be the only currency...   the bullies I saw in my waking dream of hell on Good Friday, all talking loudly and importantly and no one would listen to anyone else.  They tried to get me to listen but I just flew over them...  they were all wearing suits.  I am not sure why this hell came to me in the mystical realms, unless it is an exact reflection of how I see the world at times.  No one wants to take on the big industries.  They did not for so long that our infrastructure, our day to day life we cherish so, is based on killing the earth. 

  I have no hope humans will be able to adapt, because like Bill Gates said, the rich are too selfish.  I do not understand how they think, since I have never been one to think I was better than other people, the opposite, always trying to prove myself, to a ridiculous, therapy on that kind of way....  I have also thought doing art was more interesting than making money.   If I could do that and have enough to eat, I would.  Writing is the only way that I can begin to get a timeline on all of this, which is important to me....  others think they need and deserve a lot more.   So much that they are killing us all.

I would like to see plans to adapt the entire economy over to no more pollution, but now I am hearing that without the pollutants in the air, the temperature would rise even more.   They were supposed to, according to the Paris Accord, keep temperature rises at one point tw five, I think..... we are presently nearing three.  This is going to make next summer a hellish time in the USA...  and many other countries will have it much worse.   This IS NO TIME to be electing people who want to cut taxes and services for people in this country.  We are supposed to be a civilized country with a safety net, and retirement.  The Republican's have stolen a lot of this money, or the fund would be fine.  If they go after these two, they will be tossed from office, unless a Dictator is finally put in by industrialists, like they tried to get General Butler Smedley to lead after ww1.  Great story recently fictionalized in Amsterdam, but they did quote the good general's speech and show him, saying they will try again.  I met these people, they tried to use me, but it did not work, because I did not know what was going on, no one would really tell me, and I felt like someone was making war on me, Bush.  Still, I did not want anyone hurt, never knew about his brother, until much later...

 He tried to make up, but I had no patience for him after what he had done, and what I learned later confirmed my suspicions.  It is odd, saving the lives of the Bushes...  after writing against them my entire life, this did not mean that I thought their lives should be taken.  These are political discussions, and there was a lot of comedy I wrote about it that was kinder than I need to be.  He liked it.

I am writing a biography in these pages, the tales of a man who was bloodied in war... in ways few have the infamy to claim.  I was not responsible for most of the death around me, because I could do nothing about something I did not know about.  Later, I felt I had to fight for the sovereignty of countries, when I feared the people behind me might try to create a one world government, who I am certain would be for the rich, and screw the poor at this point.  I was offered to rule this world, or run for president, both parties wanting me, but I knew better than to think such a thing would happen. I felt like Jesus, after the brainwashing, and such and offer seemed to come from the Devil himself, I reacted so violently against the thought of being a usurper, that I refused power.

After this craziness with the industrialists and the racists they used, I found out I was being filmed, and yelled that I should get asylum in China.  I thought they would take me for nuts if I showed up, said I was being filmed, etc.   I have a cognizant dissonance about how much I can enter this world of yours, and how much I am trapped in this jail, and poverty.  It is like being in the Vonnegut book where a couple is kept in an alien zoo.  I did not realize how this would lead to China stepping in where others left off, when a series of threats suddenly all started coming in.  I had no idea all these people hated me for reasons which I had no clue were going on, and would do what I could to help and heal. Later, I think I proved myself as a warrior for justice when I would not stand for the slaughter of a certain folk, per a fucking political agreement.

I owe a blood debt to China.  This means that I will always do all I can to promote friendship between the USA and China, and stand between their armies and plead for peace should that dark day ever come, though I certainly see the opposite happening.  Two sane countries, both chained to the past of fossil fuels, working together and with the whole world to get solar panels out there, etc.  And preparing for the environmental disasters. 

Thank you Master Xi for not only letting the USA keep the Panda's, but  expanding the program. Thank Biden, too... and all involved in healing our relationship to the point that the Panda's are not impacted.

Big Love to the Chinese people, and thank you again for all you have done for me personally, and my country.

My beloved father in his mid eighties.  The kind of guy you hoped you sat down beside in a bar, and a man had that pleasure... God Bless him, he cherished us so.

trump says he will use the military to go after his enemies.

   He will be too busy golfing, with a large group of secret service agents, chosen for being a part of his hateful cult, racism being enough...  who he over charges the government for his hotels he flies to golf around the world, while industry just writes the legisistation and the republican politicians will pass his billionaire flattering laws, or suffer the wrath of a madman, without whose followers they think they cannot get elected -- certainly they will get no money from the billionaires, who consider this the coup d grace of their slow coming coup.

Knowing these people too well, I will do all I can to stop the nightmare of another trump or baby trump getting these power.   They think the military cannot think.  I am saying now they must plot and plan more than ever.  They may be called to save Democracy from a fascist coup by the billionaires, which will basically  lead to slave wages...  and sacrificing OUR future, for their existential joy, in their bubbles of wealth... which are going to pop sooner or later.

I have more faith in most people to think he can be elected again, though I do not think it is above him to try a coup, let all these people he has brainwashed get killed, or jailed with him...  over a pointless attempt..  The big We will have to be one...  the  time has come for the Sane to Rescue the Others.  

Biden, 100 percent.  Harris 101 percent.  I am prepared to do all I can for these politicians, within reason, and that means non-violently.  Others will protect the Democratic Eagles with no problem.  Not to brag on these people, but God Bless them... and may they find peace in mind and life.

The Armed Forces will have to make a decision of whether they work for the American people, or a madman, snorting coke, spending two hours on his makeup in the morning, mourning his lost youth like the narcissist he is.  He hates the poor, and never had anything to do with them.  Especially black ones.  He does not have to hide it anymore, because Racism has not been dealt with in the USA.  One can see this is by design when a Santos arrives and brings with him a mindset that always surprises me a human being could have, and pretend they give one shit about other human beings.  What I forget is they are also classists, who think they are better than others.  This delusion only takes a person so far, before that pedestal shatters.

I pray to God that the Armed Forces Never have to be under the control of the increasingly unstable Republican party.  A new conservative party is needed, and sane ones are looking for one.  I do not want anything getting in the way of having a seasoned, wise, person in the white house at this dangerous point in history. 

 He has done more for working people than any president in ...  God knows, FDR, perhaps.  Though the taxes he could take made for a sane world.  We don't need millionaires, a great general turned president once said, and then he warned people about a Military Industrial Complex...  just as another great general did, Smedley Butler...  who I guess at least his name was brought back.  I owe plenty to the Marines, I know.  They humble me.  Overall... there rare exceptions.

I have dealt with a lot of movie stars during this journey, even accidentally got into internet tiffs with famous people.  Being on no side really, just letting myself be called whatever...  you got mixed messages, those thinking I was organizing a revolution.  No, there was fighting going on and I was trying to stop it, as well as theft.  I was in my living room, not out in the world, and fed a very limited amount of information.

I saw Macaulay Culkin got a star on the walk today.  He and I had problems once, when he insulted me, or who he thought was me at least...  I felt such anger at the time but I do not care now, have set up a wall of forgiveness against blame.  I was not the person they thought I was, though my actions produced certain forces, and still do.

I stripped myself of all cover when a revolution was tried.

I was not going to, like before, assume whoever was fighting with me followed my values.  Though for many years, the brainwashing and the drugs discombobulated my thinking, as someone planned, to discredit me.  I worked as a scapegoat when they first killed in Chicago back in 07.  I just had no clue you people had racism in the mix, or anything about you.... Now I believe my journey from far left to far right makes me unique.  I have a perspective none of you can imagine.  I took clues from a tv that I was somehow doing something wrong, from car accidents and trains not taking off...  I thought I was somehow being judged by you....  for things I could not understand...  God only knows what a betrayer I must feel like to some.  I did not betray my values, or my country, or my God.  The rest of you I might love deeply, and have immense gratitude to you...  but I was taken by a spirit, and I did not expect it anymore than you did.

In another time, I would have made the mistake of thinking, as I did, that one had to give up on democracy and get ready for something else, because it was not working.  I have realized since that the right numbers of people rallied to causes can achieve this much more effectively, winning hearts and minds, with protests safe enough for mothers with babies...

Trump has given the states a good lesson, or he is getting ready to make it too late....  those who have sanely opposed this madman will be rounded up.  His dreams of being a dictator full filled... or he will golf and let the corporations write legislation.  Hard to tell.  

Lord, I accept thy will in all things, and will accept even this monstrosity should be elected, I will not be tempted to order violence,, as I did not when he was president.  I can take whatever life throws at me.  I am.  God is.  That's enough for now, though what comes when the soul is no longer tethered to a body, is a paradise I bring to mind when overwhelmed by mourning, though I dwell on Life.  

I tried to get peaceful when I found out about this shit, that I was being watched, etcetera.  Supernatural said fight on.  Said No One gave a damn about my feelings, I had to do something....'  So I tried to fight and... not even knowing for who.  Or what.  I hope Now when I saw I want nothing to do with your violence, that I can be given a life where no war needs me.  I do not care how they feel about me, the show gave me real intelligence, almost always too late.  I hope you find the bridge I have to you one day, and you do not burn it down.

  I can manipulate the weather, which could, with proper help, send rain to draughts, help stop some hurricane damage, many things that will be ever more helpful as the storms grow worse.  I have the fleeting thought I should have them use my sperm if some still wish to have a child, who if moral enough, or whatever...  I don't know, though I am fairly certain that is part of the contract... can also control the weather.  Or you have people who can, or you trick me on this point.

I truly would rather not have had my every skeleton filmed in my living room after the closet long over-stuffed...  burst.  So every skid mark on the undies, so to speak, displayed for the world on line.  The reality show, which you thought I wanted, or simply did not care what I wanted... 

This blog has been about me complaining, a bit too much.  My forgiveness is not something I will ever feel.  I will not forgive myself for what happened, even though I tried my best.  It is up to God to forgive, and I know he forgives me, and part of why

is because I try to redeem myself, no matter how many attempts it takes.

Go in Peace, mental and physical.  

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-use-of-military_n_65648943e4b0827ae6154474

Fight Fire With Water.

  'You have been told to fight fire with fire.

No, you fight fire with water...'

Fred Hampton

Peace with war.  Love with hate.  Hippy t-shirts asking why we do not save the world, the wildlife, etc..  Questions teenagers ask... and some adults... and some geriatric people...  Others forget what Children know... the Little Prince.  They know Peace is the best path for the world, until the movies and tv and others convince them violence deserves stronger violence.  Right now a powerful group is making money building arms and likes war, and they are more powerful than any political party, let alone politician.  This money is needed for other concerns, and at some point the leaders of the world will agree on this, because of the greenhouse effect.  We will work together as one and possibly live, or we will work against one another and surely die.

I do not hate oil companies.  They are simply a structure that built up, caused some problems, and must reform.  They raced to get all the oil before it was gone... destroying the atmosphere in the process.  I do not want the system we have to break down.  There is a big break down coming in the future, and the better prepared we are now, the better off children, grandchildren...  Heard a 91 year old man talking about his worry over the environment today.  Soon everyone will know, and be effected. 

I accept governments have done the unspeakable in the past.  I do not accept they get to do this in the future.  Friendship will be the only currency in the end, and that will apply to countries, as well.  Those who conspire against one another in egregregious manners will not be trusted by co-olitions of countries that will be needed.  Wealth will be taxed then.  They will not care. They will still have enough money to avoid the problems of the world, as best they can.  And by then either a peaceful force of sanity will have settled over the people, a calm that allows logic, and what is best for all can be discussed without any prior history being involved.  The people trapped in a tragedy do not care about the history so much as staying alive, getting food, avoid beatings and worse...  and when there is peace after war, those who fought can once more rebuild their friendship, this time stronger, because right after a war, people fear another.

They thought ww1 was the war to end all wars... part of that was because the soldiers refused to fight and went home, though you will have to search for that history...  it will show you the humanity of humans who have been forced to fight.  By too many methods to discuss.

After Oct.7 I was barely bathing, barely able to eat...  First the slaughter by Hamas, then the response.  I feel empathy toward them all, though I cannot imagine their pain, only mourn for them being in such pain. 

I praise those who stay on the right side of History.  May the leaders in Israel be touched by the mercy, and love of all life.  Sacred to many, trash to others...  see the Supreme One looking out of the eyes of humans in pain, and offer God only human love, unconditional and beyond circumstance, the forgiveness of Christianity, God's Grace, the blessing of those who accept the Burden of facing their errors, and changing their ways.

God Bless You All...  Thank you for humbling me once again by seeing the peace in my words.  Plenty of you think I do not deserve a second chance, though your wishes contrast Gods, it does not matter one whit to me, or the Creator I imagine, what you think of me.  My enemies have not exactly loved me over the

years, though a surprising number do at some point or another.  For good or bad.    Big Love.

a book about my family... the descent of the Ridgways... I use an alias here.

Oddly, I have another copy of this book which is very different.  The Templers taken out, the fights with the Danes, a lot of things...  like them being welcomed in Ireland, instead of fighting the Irish.  I do not know if this is an intelligence thing to get at me or whatever, but my genes have had a fight of it all of their existence, and owned, as this says 3 quarters of England, and donated the money for Westminster abbey, in the form of all these towns and land and ....

Why anyone would put this obscure book, which only a few people in my family have copies of, up on the web, and edit out all of the good stuff.  I know that my heritage has been a question, but this matters less and less to me, and it never meant much.  I did want it too.  Wanted a heritage.  But I am an American and never related or even knew my heritage until I was in my mid thirties, when a cousin mentioned the book at a family reunion... and I was all over that, as were various other family members.  Our copies, though written by George Ridgway, at the same College, are very different.  I find this a bit offensive, But what does it matter...   I get slandered all the time.  Other times I have been criticized rightly so, and adjusted my behavior, apologized... made by amends by trying my best not to repeat the behavior.

Like my use of the word bitch during my ranting phase, and the rapper who pointed out how offensive I was being.  I was so fucking ashamed, but mostly I hated I had caused people pain inadvertently, people who had obviously already suffered enough, and I had advocated for in the past.  Speaking out of anger truly is the wrong approach, I guess my example may have shown that.  I wonder if I am this metaphorical goldmine to religious people, who seem to use my words and show a great interest in them.  I do not know if this is still true, though I must always assume that this is, just in case.  

I read what I was writing back during the last war the other day and read the cover lies I used at the  beginning of that block, then dropped...  I consider my period undercover over, though the government knows I serve them, after God.  I believe I am meant to make my stand in Chicago, though by stand I mean a gorgeous garden as long as possible, and a prepared, well funded, place to bring refugee's from the coming environmental destruction of large portions of the coast, the sinking of Island, the loss of Florida.  All these things are not some religious zealot warning you of the end of the world, or a liberal you can use that word alone and write off.  This is a truth as sure as 'better get in the storm shelter before that tornado runs us over,'  because they are coming, too, in great numbers they say.  And all their predictions are coming true much faster.

Another thing they leave out of this book is the Ridgway family motto, or battle cry, 'Lay the burden on me, Lord.'  This is where I got the name John Burden, which I wish to distinguish from the writing I did while I was on violent missions.  I do not there to be any violence to ever come from my hands again.  I did my service to my country and then some.  I no longer believe in their violence.  I did not before and after witnessing the way they fight in the underground, and how they slaughter, I wish to bring only peace into that realm.  I may not be believed with my history.  I have used propaganda, lies, and been seized by God and driven to say and do things I had no idea were going to come from my lips.

I learned that God had shown himself in my life, brought his wrath through me, for reasons I only understood as the orders themselves came to fruition.  I may be wrong, perhaps I have not attained what I have been led to, but if these things are true, I am grateful to the living and the dead, on all sides, for allowing me time to heal, and learn, and finally... to fight in my name.  Truly so.  Protecting the politicians from a group that when they had me working with them, tried to get me to order the killing of the senate and congress, then trump tried it.   He frankly was not as powerful as the groups around me, and I urged the real tough guys to stay away, told them they would regret it, etc...  and they would have.  I also found out a woman from my hometown, where I have not been in thirty some years and knew until my sophomore year in high school, was being pressured to join a kid who I grew up a block from, to get a machine gun, and go with his little army in his semi truck to washington.   I called the fbi about this on the third...  and they did not go.  Thank God.

Now I have lost a lot of power, that was not mine to begin with, some...  I read back through the writing I was doing at the height of my Christ mania and the violence horrifies me.  I would go into a trance, write, then go back to my life thinking no one was reading me and taking me seriously...  then there would be hints.  Not enough for me to even have in my thoughts what the images and words of me were being used to do in a world hidden from me.  Where I could do nothing...

Kept intentionally ignorant, this threat to the stable states...  a guy who actually fights evil, and if he loses, he still seems to walk off the battlefield, and no matter how badly wounded...  come back again, this time a greater threat yet...  Now, I know enough to hate war.  Hate the violence I had in my words.  Hate how I added to the toxic mental environment of this world, by undermining the press, to the point a comedian was the most trusted journalist in the country...  because he and I talked more openly than most shows, at that time, I think....  Poor John.  I pray he and all of his family have found peace, and that he will always shine as bright as the Sun... and Mr. Colbert.  Both I misunderstood, and still do Colbert, but I worked with them too much not to have bonded.  I am proud of the association, and hope I am right to be so.

I add to the book of the Ridgway's whenever I write.  I saw last night in my book about Jesus talking about how I we were writing a new bible, and all kinds of things I would not do.  I have been changed greatly by war.  A seriousness about my situation is now only settling in, as I am able to think of the world without anger.  I have turned my anger inwardly, hating myself for certain action, spasms over and over throughout the day, overwhelming me before the pills start to hit... and during, just less often.  The dead are all around me and I do not know what to do.  Others have taken care of the hard work.  I merely somehow, for some reason, had advice that was taken and used to the benefit, I pray, of the people of the world, and my country, city.  

I look back just a couple years and cannot believe that is the same person as I am.  The violence is gone, though I am on this earth to be productive, to fight the good fight, etc.... and have a responsibility to those who fought and died under my command or per my orders.  I will never stop trying to attain world peace, though violence is not the way to get peace.  I wrote total war for total peace as a slogan, not meant to bring people to arms.   I never thought I had that kind of power, regardless of what I wrote...

Big Love, world...  may your cross be a bit lighter, and the stones thrown a bit smaller.

 https://books.googleusercontent.com/books/content?req=AKW5QadAco4tCK3VxjlUVqZOJfHa4BuTfxUIRZiCifxIIsU38P7tDaPY6yoTbXHWRLm1KLzw1zt0oSNCNivOM_DBY2V-H3zsCP9l_RtzDB-r-OI5rskPAPgSMHAyMuCR2VOdVYvh_BR0Ac3l2dpK3p4pjg6HV2Ki04bCjsOFf0v6vL-VAYkwcfboUn5cThTaSrZXJ2ulZzAFFdrv2L5skJEvU7GEJJyDRlxWSrKgr5iiUbt6uw7ZBWEq9zHnSJME26MiWMuxt9RJfoWZD5-Y1lj_hlIXS8tisBjTQo2uvW1bZVu-OoLKGQI

Most Countries Commit War Crimes... They Are All Too Guilty To Go After Anyone...

  The best soldier does not attack. The superior fighter succeeds without violence. The greatest conqueror wins without struggle. The most successful manager leads without dictating. This is intelligent non aggressiveness. This is called the mastery of men.

Tao

May peace cover the middle east like a cool breeze on a blazing hellishly hot day

May the sound of Angels singing

children's lullabies fill the streets

drown out the wails of the shocked and horrified as they mourn one and all 

as humans

God bring the people together in one your will for Peace

for mercy

may the storms of the aggrieved hearts

 not manifest in the streets

may they mourn without adding more names to the dead

war crimes hidden by the guilt on all 

stealing brothers and mothers and babies

from all sides

Vengeance is Mine Sayeth The Lord.   

NOT HUMANS who feel god-drunk 

On power

true leaders know they owe soldiers and civilians alike

that if they are to fight

they also need to negotiate peace talks

in the name of humanity

because peace always follows war

Taylor Swift should consult with Democrats and Humanitarians --AOC and USE HER POWER FOR THE PEOPLE

Prologue:   Since I wrote this, Ms. Swift defied the demonizers by going to a show raising money for Gaza.  At this point, Biden is not coming out asking for a ceasefire as a genocidal bombing by Israel is taking place.  This rather changes everything I wrote here.  In a way...  I will support whoever can defeat Trump.  But here she has used her power to do something that is getting Actresses and others fired from their jobs, asking for the end of killing, starvation, lack of medicine...

 Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez, I should add...  and I am grateful to them both for bringing me a moment of glimpsing the great side of humanity, by going to a show raising money for Gaza.  I thank them, and send love and admiration and dreams for this gesture.  This is important.  I forget at times I am told I am an international superstar.  My words get results at times, some I despise, others that offer me as close as I get to feeling like my there are good people out there, usually coming from the oppressed classes, who gained money though remember their roots.  The situation of the people who bless her by loving her music, and embracing her various efforts.  I thank Ms. Swift for showing she is on the right side of history.  God bless her, and hers...  all humanity is aghast, and she has represented the Light with her attention.

here is the original text of this entry, 

 written before the war in Palestine.  ....

 Taylor Swift should consult with Democrats and Humanitarians --AOC and USE HER POWER FOR THE PEOPLE. I hear Ms. Swift grew up kind of poor and regular, and I assume as an artist, and songwriter, her emotions run very deep, whether her persona shows this or not -- I honestly do not know, and that

is why I write this PLEA TO USE HER POWER FOR THE LIGHT...   though working with intelligence in entertainment all these decades Now, I know people whose job is to stop such things from happening.   Celebrities who go against the state, too far...  lose their career, or if too famous... threats, etc.

HOWEVER< HISTORY  calls for people like her to act Now, because after too late, there is no going back....   Please help..

Trump is trying to raise a lynch mob that thinks they are fighting for God. 'First, they came for the Jews, and I said nothing...' He is encouraging our hate genes. Once started, Xenophobia runs wild and goes after everyone, even the people who started the bloody mess.

This has happened in the past, I do not know if she is a product of this, or a free agent, or if our president and others cannot protect her, which I assume they could.or perhaps other people....  wink, fucking wink, wink, wink...  I do not ask her to put herself in danger, martyr herself  to some cause, like she owes her fans anything beyond encouragement, excitement, relief from everyday oppressions, that is enough,  more than most... wondrous, and enough.  This is a move that could help stop a Fascist from taking control, who will sick the religious right on a lot of us like rabid dogs.  Once Started, Xenophobia run wilds gets to everyone sooner or later, even the people who started the mess.

I know this man and seemingly ended up with his group at some point, I had no clue what was going on, still being used by ... who, does not matter twenty years later...  unless he tries again.  These are people who could take politics out.  I stopped that from happening when it was proposed to me.  I grew too powerful, and knew, I cannot leave forces like this...  but I cannot remove all of them and do not know if I should.  I know plenty of things I will Never speak of, offer my respect and gratitude to the bloodiest of my soldiers.  I pray they live through the mental wounds, that even the seemingly healthy came home mortally wounded by...  Or not.  People are all different.  I pray if the time comes again to protect Democracy, you will remember this I have done in circumstances that required me to do the worst thing I could do, in my own mind, something that shatters who I believed I was...  I killed without thought, filled with a rage at indecencies done to so many... that kept abay my empathy with the dying, driven by a mania of God, to accomplish certain matters...  that came from no plan of mine.  

 

I do not have to list the reasons to fear Trump enough for all sides who wish a Democracy to mobilize their people as never before, for all to follow Obama's lead of speaking out for what is right, using his power to help.   Taylor Swift has more right now.  God works in mysterious ways, and if you think you have them figured out, please add a question a mark afterwards...  

 Taylor Swift gave  truckers a hundred grand, after her tour... that is Life Changing money, as one man said.  Truckers are not paid nearly enough any more, remember...  that buys houses in most towns.  Others got bonuses as well.  Sharing shows a sign of caring about the emotions of those around you... and womyn and children especially need Power right now with Force...  again, I understand goons stop this sometimes.  And fair enough if they do.  No judgements.

I remember the white house used celebrities all the time when running, and to dine at the white house...  rump could not really get many to come, unless ordered or partners in crime...   remember when he gave piles of big macs and whoppers to millionaires invited to the white house for dinner...  KKK daddy showed up, dog whistle to the racists he relates to and they to him.   to do this, with the Clintons and Obama, paraded celebrities around.   Even Rump got Kid Rock and...  Ye sitting with the head of Nazi party down at Mar A Lago, probably splitting the check, knowing Rump.

 You do not see Biden doing any of this star shit, much at all.  He is all about the job, and is in that job at a very complicated time, and I for one Thank God for his wisdom.  

We as the sane in this country, from all political spectrums, must remember that this generation Must Preserve Democracy, like others did after ww2 when FDR set things right, after barely missing being coup'd by the same families trying this one now from far back in the shadows, General Butler, one man alone, stopped that from happening..  So no one should discount their place in History right now.  God or fate or politics or even the class war, as far as the average rich person is concerned, this is about losing our rights, and having the country stolen.

 WE MUST not only allow a vengeful Fascist,  Hitler lover, anti-environmentalist, horror to those making less than millions...  with a xenophobic army itching to kill some blacks, Jews, liberals, the vermin he calls people.....   to a crowd he too considers vermin, though they do not know this is all a show, he has been hired to do by real life Billionaires, like he oh so longed to be called, even though he was not...  got a paper to back up his lie.  Kept illegal loans coming in, as his New York trial commences.

No one must abandon women's rights issue right now.  The religious right, who follow him fanatically, will get their way, and the proud boys leader will be let out of prison, maybe brought into take over for the CIA.... that grade inflation in universities let these idiots thru.

I do not know if she reads me or is alerted, probably... regardless,  please request her aide, a concert at the White House... nice. Talk to her how important this presidency is, and how you wish to reach out to the young people, which Biden, as you certainly know, is vital here. 

Since writing this, I saw Taylor Swift going to a show raising money for Gaza.  I thank her, and send love and admiration and dreams for this gesture.  This is important.  I forget at times I am told I am an international superstar.  My words get results at times, some I despise, others that offer me as close as I get to feeling like my there are good people out there, usually coming from the oppressed classes, who gained money though remember their roots.  The situation of the people who bless her by loving her music, and embracing her various efforts.  I thank Ms. Swift for showing she is on the right side of history.  God bless her, and hers...  all humanity is aghast, and she has represented the Light with her attention.

  There are a lot of new voters and some are influenced by parents living in the myths spewed by Fox news and other republican outlets, which can never tell the truth, that they only work for the rich, and get re elected so they have to lie.   People are gullible, and they have brains that if something is thought about long enough, we grow synaptic gateways, that do not allow new information to come in that contradicts what our synapses say is true. 

 This can be changed,  with a few weeks of creating other synaptic pathways, with another myth, or better yet the truth..  However, if people will only listen to one side, they will never be able to understand the other.  THIS is a scientifically proven matter.

The subtle brain washing... that creates the american dream... not the american reality,.. just dream, needs adjusted, for there to be much to dream for, just more to prepare for....  Ms. Taylor could help open the minds of many to myths different than their parents have drilled into them.  I pray the Holy Spirit within her will always show her how women are being hurt by Republican policies, and that the religious right is taking power, people who would make her wear a dress covering your ankles during performances, and will harm everyone she knew, you know... before she became famous.

God Bless Ya Kid, no matter what you do, I respect your decision. 

Uh, A Sign on the True Path, You Know... Or Not...

 Uh, A Sign on the True Path, You Know... Or Not... 

 Teach through encouragement, not criticism.

 the Master.

Don't confuse me for the Master, it is a bastardized one from the Tao, who was Chinese,  who I use with much less finesse,etc... than the Master who wrote the Tao.  Duh... hey, it only sounds obvious to you... 

As an old white guy, talking about being a master of anything brings up a lot of shit in people's mind that I would rather avoid.   Let alone with my 'Being There' past (rewrote as a horror novel, of course).  Oh, well.

.

My Other Blog Is Flagged... Google Will Not Accept, And Some Kind Of Warning Goes Up

 I do not mind, really, since the blog was begun while I was involved in activities

that still required talk of war.  Classified it became, when the results came out, and lies in the beginning when I still had a cover personality.   I do not wish to be the person that I have been,, hidden behind lies, mine and others, for all these years.  I am rational, want the best for everyone, cannot be bought, on things that matter.  With the help of the  the many, or some system I am evidently not meant to fully understand,  I seem to have achieved some good in this world.  My path has been violent.  I wish to change that.  

I could not believe the first entry when I went and read it, and realized I had written anything public about this.... I stayed off lines for months working on these matters, or dealing with them.  I  accept your decision to keep those words private, if you wish...  Nothing I can do about it.

Sitting in the Funeral Mourning Gives Knowledge of How Precious Life Truly Is...

 Only those with a heart and mind shattered by the death of a loved being that has died, how priceless life truly is... when you would give everything in your life away a few seconds to see them again....

I believe heaven is a place too divine to return people from the dead.  The act is too cruel for me, who was considered Christ.  I was left with many political notions.  I have TRIED to edit those which now seem like rationalization for people who died because I said something that was taken wrong, in ways I could not imagine anyone doing, so far from my experience that I did not Scream NOOOO..

I have my part in this madness, I know now, though ...  I was emphatic toward what happened, when I first heard, even though I was being attacked, at one point, when a group withdrew their support of me after I made the mistake that brought down the house of cards I live in.  I thank God this happened now, though there has been no worse period in my life mentally and emotionally, or filled with growth and knowledge, in my life.  I have been in pain which was worse because of my body...  but that did not last years.  I found things out about this country that made me afraid to say a critical word about anyone.  I did not know why exactly I was being punished, unless it was for being mistaken, and then...  even after having found out I was sold as porn to some, which pissed me off so much, I evidently lost my main backer.

Even from the first day I did not want to blame those who watched, but those who sold me, and when I found out it was Dear old Mom's doing...   did she think she was protecting me   Regardless, during this period, of my appearing to be in actual danger, I was startled to find the reasoning for this punishment really had nothing to do with me.  I have never wanted cameras lurking around me, but since I had them I used and abused them.  I am sorry Superman hurt people.  If people had told me my powers were having effects I could have calmly talked to someone about how to negotiate a peaceful solution, or maybe not...  everyone wanted war.   

I still fear in some ways you take me wrong, but I could be wrong as well...  for quite awhile I was very wary of one group, then I learned one thing we sure as hell had in common...  and then, I discovered I was the same way with a lot of groups.  I will not work with people who are harming Jews for no reason, especially xenozombie related.  Everyone is an Individual.  Stereotyping gets you an F every time at any decent university.  

Right now I keep thinking of words related to this topic which I have no way of knowing whether I should write them or not.  I do not know if you looking over my bald spot watching what I am writing, as you said you did at the one apartment...  you bitched about where the cameras were, told me...  on the Estes Apartment, where I had directors, helpers, armed guards thankfully supplied by a group that did not stereotype me along with everyone else.  I thank them for this, and many other things... though I begin to fear the time must come when I leave out names...  because they are known to those who are allowed access....  or all kinds of people still do, since you make money off the part of me enslaved....

I have been writing a bit on X...  funny how I think that became a fad because of me, as did, for awhile during Ukraine, touching ones heart in greeting.  I was filled with humbleness and a bit of awe, when I was shown a clip yof Ben Stiller and the brave, comedian... 0ffered this greeting to the leader of Ukraine, Zelensky, and he returned the gesture.  Both know of me and how I send my prayers for their goodwill, and that they be mighty in the face of enemies.   To president Zelensky, I say...  Putin moved ten thousand troops off your boarders that day I had to go to war and keep the super powers off of it.  I made clear what would happen if countries interfered with my actions...  I at the time was playing in the mind set that all I could really do to help Ukraine, was if they were nuked, then Russia, from a non-affiliated source, would be attacked in such a way to make them stop.  Even if it is a warning shot in Siberia, I have no fucking clue...  and I would not use a Nuke in a war, up the stakes.  If I could have stopped the war then, or did more...   I like most American's knew little about Ukraine until this war.

I support them one hundred percent, though I am also a peaceful person, who would rather see land seemingly lost, boarders moved around, then have people die.  But I have had plenty causes where my life was nothing compared to my mission, like stopping a genocide.  That while in my worried state over their fate, I am almost pacifistic in my view.  I do not want to see people on other side being harmed further.  The way Putin threw prisoner out into the battlefield with one grenade, to draw enemy fire, so his armed soldiers could fire on them...  especially if the new recruit had enough time to throw his grenade at them.  After that, they died.   On the battlefield where if they had not gone, they woupd have died a few minutes ago from a Russian bullet, probably a high paid mercenary.

I feel like I repeating the obvious to say that the architectural treasures, priceless buildings to those who know that some things have no price...  not those who know not everything has a price.

 

A Shapeless, Formless Spirit

         I have left my body and become just soul;  I have dreamt over and over of being an unconscious,  shapeless, formless being, floating in space above the world in black, star speckled eternity, and suddenly being sucked down into a gorgeous blue planet circle.  I had no control, felt myself drawn as from gravity and then, I was coming out of flesh into bright white lights... the dreams haunted me in my crib, just before I could walk.

I have a list of the Supernatural events that have happened in my life, which I go through when I need to remember that no matter how I feel, or what I want for my flesh, that this state is temporary, and holds an immortal spirit.   I have explored this thru many religions but my own experiences are the ones which convinced me.  Like weather control has been brought up forever to me, and I have now experienced coming from my conscious and unconscious mind.  I thought Mary Ann had been murdered, that first summer, I was in Illinois Masonic, I think, they were bringing in people to meet me.  One was pointed out to me to be a queen.  They were all plants.   The doctors were in on how popular I was, Colbert was live all the time I was around, and commented on something that I did at the hospital, a moment before.  I was on the phone trying to reach here, got very angry, and a storm hit Chicago, crazy lightening and flooding everywhere and I was blamed for this, or told this was me...

I was subjected to a type of mental tortures in those places.  Locked in a ward filled with suspicious people and knowing my story sounded crazy, but I was not crazy, just confused and prone, after all the pain, to strike out verbally.  They pumped me for information....   but still, they were thinking Jesus had arrived in Chicago and was now a tourist attraction.  I should have been told about everything from the start, but no... all that had to be hidden, as long as I got rich and famous and did not care how I did it, even making the country a fascist state with an Angel to parade around, maybe even a Christ... as their leader.  I came out of that hospital, that first summer, and someone asked me if I was still religious, and I replied, Of course, I am Jesus Christ.'  A Union guy told me the city was all shut down, being one of the people who came to visit me.  I said I would always back the unions, which is true, and has proven true, with the help of many good people who became ancestors in the process, and whom I grieve with all who knew them...

Obama thought it was a game to get him elected, and marched in one union parade, downtown, for the press, then went back to what he was doing.  Good PR... nothing more.  Union workers need to all clean up their acts, and get back to the basics, while being progressive in their approach to helping others unionize.  We are all in this together, and the bosses do not seem to want to acknowledge that, so we of greater PEACEFUL force, must make sure there is sensible change.  Unions, not riots.. Jobs... not riots... votes and real representation... not riots...  police officers pushed to being trigger happy, by protesters who are misplacing their anger.

I am not entirely sure how this world works, of course... but my prayer, and the myth I live in, the police and the protester's do not have conflicts.  The police on the scene will not be the ones who change the laws, they are not the ones who made the laws in the first place...   and our power is to show the politicians what we will vote for, and what we will vote against, and mobilize enough people our issues are addressed by the people we vote in, not who has the best commercials, but who can understands we vote for issues, not politicians..

I would like to see a mobilized force from unions everywhere, and people who want unions, and help each other out when it comes time to strike.  Hopefully, merely knowing their employees finally know their rights, have their facts, and someone to back them up should the owners refuse to provide living wages, and health care (until we get that out of private hands, and become healthcare becomes universal, like in grown up countries).   During this period, the police officers need to be educated on how what the protester's are addressing, will also help them.   

I would like to see the heads of groups who wish a protest permit to have a friendly meeting to co-ordinate with the police, to the point of assuring that your group will harm no person, or property.  They of course cannot be positive they will not have someone break these rules, but if they do they will be turned over to law enforcement.  This will stop this menace from harming your movement, or keeping people away who do not wish to get involved in such behavior, and want a lawful conduit to use their rage to make a positive, lasting effect...   but taking it out on the police is harmful.   People die.  I do not care about a person's past if they have changed, or are trying to change... unless they still end up murdering again.  I have too much blood on my flesh to scrub enough to ever get off -- in war, where you get thanked for a service you sure as hell never took as doing a service.  I am unconventional in this manner, though I still think I have earned the right to call myself a soldier.   I have been in command of too many different groups of killers after being tossed into the middle of a war... ignorant of the importance of my role in your play.

The hints I got, after being brainwashed, fit into a crazed world where I was now the Christ....  I did not feel like one or that I was being treated like one, at first.   Especially after you thought I ordered all kinds of nefarious behavior, because my slave masters said as much.

Christ Returned -- Look In The Eyes Of The Poor NOW And You Will See Christ Staring Right Back At You

 Christ, or the spirit that was once called Christ according to my teachings, who taught lessons that were mostly written out of the bible - the few that were remembered and are worthy were kept there by the mechanism of God, so some could still find the path to righteousness laid on in the pages of the sacred books.   I believe this spirit is part of God, as I believe everything is...   even you.... so of course everyone else.

  God does not distinguish between sinners and the saints, they are all spirits to God, capable of the mercifully offered forgiveness.  Many cannot see how any one who did vile acts could ever be saved, that all of them were going straight to hell.   In my book, they are reincarnating souls learning lessons that many religions have explored.  I do not claim to know or necessarily care what all of the religions say about this, though I certainly studied them extensively in my life, and are part of the bedrock of who I am..

In my 12 plus years of full time university, I did not try to keep my mind filled with a bunch of facts I could rattle off, I tried to take what bit I could from all of them to create my cosmology, my personal philosophy, which I expected would tie all my books together, and show a kindly liberal, who for awhile on the net made fun of all the violence in the media for awhile, but most of my writing had no violence what so ever.  The danger of not thinking for oneself, for looking for a savior to come and make this world right, or destroy it and take your souls to heaven in pages of a book that was not meant to be scripture, or deep, or much of anything...   

Now I am trying to retain all the facts, strip my writing of almost all lies.  There are a few that I feel my country needs me to lie by Omission about, to hold us together as a Nation. One two years just when I thought we were over that shit... and when I made my decision that I if the people I worked with had any part in that decision, we were going to part, soon, and I was going to destroy them in the process.  And this has come to be, with most.   I left some alive, I pray, when I punished an army, metaphors for my mother, and her tactics.  There was fighting going on, telling me the dangers of these groups, and I also, though taken as a spy all those years, had been trying to help my country by criticizing it, make right the injustices I witnessed.  Especially, back then, to me.  I could not see what was happening to most, but my world had gone bizarro and some of them watched killers come into their towns, slaughter the adults and made them fight...

I am told.  A tactic I criticized in my novel that was taken as a way to win a war.  All of my stories ended up on television, like I was the damned muse for everyone around me.  Now I know much more was going on and artist were forced to write for their lives on some of these issues.  Group after group tried to uses the Unicorn to take over this or that, or do some great evil.  Time and time again they have been greatly harmed by this.  I was worth money as a FREAK SHOW, or porno... whatever worked.  I too depressed to get dressed, put on a damned green house coat, and you showed me footage of that and in an instant I realize that you were all watching me, and I got angry.  This was after I said burn me, and the tv took me seriously.   The show that I remember was SNL, where they did not try to be funny, even had a scene naming my church.  One scene that was supposed to be funny was two guys having sex in a bathroom, which I have never done.  

 My sex life really was something I used to protect others at time, by inflating my interest in men, when in reality I have always been a serial monogamous with women.   I wanted people to know I did not give a damn what they thought of my sexuality years, but I was always worried women would take it wrong, think I preferred men...  and not date me.  Other than this scene of having sex, they also said how much money I made as a disabled person, made fun of it, then my dealer and the people who hung out with him, who I was friendly towards, were made fun of and called my friends.

Just not funny at all.  I know now they are a political tool and being funny is not the point to the people behind the show.  They are racist.  Worked with genocidal groups.  Keep one black around as a token.  They know it, but they accept it...  great launching pad for comedians, some of the best went through there.. which does not exactly make me pleased, that is for sure.   I did not want them attacked, as they were, and Alex Baldwin told me he almost got killed... over something that had I known, I would have wanted him stopped.  He was on the wrong side, and waiting for orders from me, who had not started this shit and had no clue who was on my side, who was not, why people were even this interested in me....  I would never have thought you were worshipping me, even though I see the signs everywhere in twenty twenty.

I had no clue they were racist.  I learned they thought I was for awhile from 30 rock again... first they asked if I hated sports people, which of course was a misnomer, taken from an ancient cliche about entertainment being used to appease the Romans when they had shitty leaders.  But from me, you took that one line...  then she came on and said we like football players, who she was with, just white ones... and I was again just amazed someone would ask me, a guy who fought racism on line and in my life ...  since I can remember, the kind of questions you did.  Childhood, my buddy who was of Mexican descent was called a 'n.....r' by someone once.  I never thought to judge anyone that way. I have no hard feelings about this particular SNL show, and am sorry that they got caught in the middle, as I and so many did, or a failed fascist take over by industrialists.  That was then left to me.... who did not even know that my mickey mouse clock offended Svengooli, and that they were doing things I would not agree with.

I have since tried to make peace with both of theses sides, and seemingly in what I know, there were no innocents in this war, and the war itself such a crime that it would be inhumane to try to pick it apart and decide who to blame.  I am not sure, but I think they must hide some of this, or you just hide it from me, a guy in some kind of game...  or a hostage.... or a powerful spirit being abused by Satanic groups, and hopefully others.  I know those I worked with did work that saved this country, and is lifting the middle class, unionizing a country with a government that cares less and less about anyone who is not a billionaire, giving them tax cuts that take more of the tiny slice of the pie left after a few families get theirs, enough for them to fill ballrooms with, and just let rot for the hell of it.

Jesus often said YOU have been told this, but I say this... turn the other cheek, and thinking about adultry being adultery.   Seem like nothing until you think of the implications, and realize the sound science behind what he is saying, how you can train your mind so that your sexuality is focused on one person, and does not even rise up around other women.  When I was married a few women tried to seduce me and I did not notice until afterwards when they got made at my apparat disinterest, which was obtuseness actually... and simply not going there.   I grew up on porn, which had I believe terrible effects on how I treated women for years.  When I was totally controlled by hormones at eighteen I had no one to direct my life, and slept with any available woman.   And there were a lot.  It took drinking.  I did not think of myself as this handsome young man who was desired ...  having been a fat teenager kept me too humbled on this front...  hated the way I looked and worked out and hated myself if I missed one..

Marrying young gave me a teacher.  Cathy was a feminist, somewhat educated, hung out with some cool people in the Democratic party, etc...   I was still a total mess, the lying just pathetic.  The worthless one trying to hide behind lies... have a story to tell, make it true, and it is even better.   I was a writer than and later learned a lot were like this... 

I was not the liar so much when I met Mary Ann though still...  I am surprised she stayed with me, though I did try to be a good partner at times, I also failed badly at times...  I cannot even speak to those times anymore, they seem so far away...  

Part of the point of digressing into objectification, is because like the Cardinal's sermon said last sunday, look into the eyes of the poor and you will see Jesus has risen.   I asked once for a sermon that acknowledged I had been resurrected, instead of this being past tense.  He did this  and I know, they would love me to join their Church, wanted that all along, and sadly happened for awhile after the dire mistake of thinking I was a Nazi, a guy who thought that was like a prison thing or something.. Nazi's to me were what they are to most, just some weird fringe group.  Admiring hitler was like admiring Pol Pot, except worse since I grew up feeling terrible for what happened to the Jews, and proud my dad was in the army that helped stop Hitler...    

I found all this out in the weirdest ways.   Now there are things I do not wish to say about this, I am sorry if that seems like a sell out to Jews, but we all need to talk.  I am not abandoning anyone.  I believe in redemption, and that does not mean you have to be baptized or do anything at all, certainly not change faith or beliefs.   I saw this wonderous Rabbi on Democracy Now calling for peace in Gaza, talking about how Zionism was not not Judaism, had only been around a 150 years, opposed to the thousands of years of Jewish scriptures, which were about Life Being Sacred.  I am very drawn to that religion, too.  I want though to be a cultural Jew though, and many a cultural Catholic as well...  I admire these religions and others greatly.   I do not stereotype them.  I do not not like being stereotyped and this is all, every word in this blog, about the Golden Rule.

Right now Israel is breaking the Golden Rule, and the imprisoning of Gaza, and the plight of Palestinians, is once more in forefront of world consciousness.  This slow genocide has been going on since 47.  The life of Palestine was brutalized by Israel, houses stolen, olive gardens burned down, the hell of check points of their Apartheid system, allowing only certain people to go certain places, to keep arabs out.  The other is a concept which extends to schools in Israel, which are segregated by color, the Ethiopian Jews being a black minority that is subject to abuse, I have seen the right with signs saying they need to send them home.  The report I saw said none of the parents wanted their kids around blacks.   

The worst of this philosophy is in power now, the genocide crowd that has wanted to get rid of non Jews for a long time, which again is not even Judaism, at all, simply brutal, heartless, militarized people who are angry the people they have been harrassing, and killing, this last year the highest body count of all...  fought back.  I put myself in their shoes and sadly if I had to pick a side, simply because of where I was born or my religion, I would choose to fight.  I would not like the bombings if I was Israeli, and civilians and others all deserve to live in peace.... but the politicians in Israel are causing those bombs to fall, by  having the intent to take all of Israel, not have peace.  They want the Palestinians hated, so they can have their Big War...

The plan is to finally make their move, seize Northern Gaza for themselves... like many in power call for... and I have heard some say no Muslims or Christians.  The 'settlers,' who I would call land grabbers, no matter how kind they were to those they had stolen land from, were subject to a government that did not want this integration, this humanizing of Arabs of any sort.  I am not condemning people who for their own reasons made such decisions.  Many were just born there, so...  you cannot judge someone by where they come from.  That does not mean they agree with some atrocity their government has done.

Genocides are generally hidden in this world, especially to the Western press, since our allies are often behind them, like the Contras, a group of murderers the CIA created with training in the Arkansas, and right after Clinton came out of nowhere, the first Democrat I felt too creeped out by to trust at all when he was elected.  I liked the promise of universal healthcare, but dozens of presidents, I have since learned, used this tried and true lie to get elected.

I know of genocides, or was told of them, and even implicated I was in the Hague...  I see a guy named Preacher Dollar, a prosperity minister, was arrested for beating his daughter.   I hate that kind of abuse, and the hypocrisy of this person who preachers the exact opposite of Jesus being a child abuser, I made the sign of cut hiss throat.  Later, on tv, they said a person in hague, made this sign when the defendant was brought in.   This was in reference to another genocide, which I found out about afterwards, though somehow ordered.

I just had no clue how seriously people take religion, or took me.  I did not want anyone to have to live like me, dress certain ways, hate their neighbors, the list is endless.  The lobster is one of the worst, because I saw someone you did this to for some dum comment I made, and thinking I was this brutal overlord, they harmed him.  I saw him deeply tanned, and asked if he had been on vacation.   He said back, not in a hateful voice, something that indicated I had caused it...

I yelled and screamed when I got home, about how this Nazi stuff against the Jews had to stop.  I was told some one was going to be mad, who I had no clue was this way, and I said I never said anything against them.   I did not realize that I had been claimed long ago or something.  I  believe this group has evolved of late, spoke of it openly for awhile, even naming names.  Lord, God himself, Oh, I call on you to heal the wounds of all people, and allow your love to rule here, on earth as it is in Heaven.

I praise the Jews who have fought this action by Israel.  I am glad the world may be less prone to stereotype Jews after this, just because the left wing NEVER gets reported on in the states mainstream media, and are very oppressed in Israel.  Not only by the government, but others, who have objectified Muslims or Palestinians and attacked them.    

The Far right, now running Israel and changing the government, so the president has basically no checks and balances on their behavior (which Trump dreams of as fascist ruler, and kind of has now with a fascist supreme court -- increase the size of the supreme court, Biden, run on the issue, the way to get balance back, and abortion once more the realm of the federal government.  Why not... 

I think our president is going to have a decent legacy in the unclassified files.  I remember the day VP Harris proved to me that she true blue, and worthy of being the leader of these United States....  I always thought of Biden as someone who could emphasize with Pain, after his terrible loses in his personally life, etc...   I still want to.  I do not know the groups well enough to know if I am having an effect, or not.   I do not that being someone's enemy is not conducive to world peace.

I wish to make up, so to speak, for the behavior I displayed while temporarily insane, after being the Victim of a brain washing and God only knows what other mental messing with.  I also wish pray to my God daily for forgiveness for the deaths I caused when I tried to stop a seemingly powerful organization with traitorous intent toward our country, amd fought in manners that I felt a soldier should be punished for.  This was God.  I made no plans to do this....  but when the path opened up, I took it...  God waited for the opportunity....

  I wanted it over once and for all, I wanted out of the violence, and these groups unable to operate was what he wanted....  I was willing to feel like a killer for ten days.... I have no clue where my empathy went...  perhaps it was using child soldiers...  perhaps stealing kids from families to raise to fight...  for creating a person like myself, and the others brainwashed into Jesus, which happened to two m sixteen whistle blowers, transvestite Jesus's, complete with cult... they disappeared before testifying, returned with no credibility, a joke to most.

VICTIMS.  Every actor that was used, I have to forgive and understand that many were forced, with a knife at the throat of themselves or someone they love, being held over their jugular vein.  I also pray that NBC also has some good people, thought they are racist at the top.  Perhaps everyone knows these things except me.  Too much is done behind my back....  no way of knowing...  though I suspect so.

Remember babies died today, because Israel is genociding Gaza.  I saw a table of them an had to turn away when it was constantly shown.   Israel lost the high ground on this war, despite the horrors instill on their people, which fill my heart with sorry, as more non combatants.  The thought of Kibbutz being attacked, the horror of people dying who only wanted the best for their neighbors, the hostages, I feel for them as well.  And all soldiers, people forced to kill...  a terrible act. 

  All crosses weigh the same that we are forced to drag through the street, stoned by people who have turned you into an other, a dead man...  all crosses weigh the same... all pain I would sooth with Holy Water and prayer were I able.  All I can do is add my plea for peace.

I am a citizen of a country that is supporting this genocide.  This adds to the weight of my cross...  and all of ours.  Letting this happen is a bloody stain on the soul of this country.

I pray for peace for all the parents, all the soldiers, all kids who lost their families...  all people who  were harmed or taken hostage...  in this conflict..

Xenozombies... MAGA Monsters Goosetepping Toward Us From Our Future

 Xenophobic people are hard for me to take seriously.  I know they're Hysterical thoughts come from an easily treatable phobia.  They have no idea their hate stems from their fear, part of the fight or flight reaction;  those who use them know well how to fire up a lynch mob.  Nothing difficult or magical about that;  history is filled with them even today... only a lynch mob kills civilians based on xenophobia.....  Since they have no idea they are zombies easily led around by this fear, think they hate.... whichever group is the object of the phobia, which around this world comes from things as simple as the color of one's skin -- a historic mistake that some cannot get over, because of their Untreated Phobia, which is back up by too much mythology for me to even want to think about deconstructing... though I guess sooner or later I will have to, one way or another.  Fascism cannot be allowed, that is one of those All Good People Time To Fight for your country times and come together as one, and the military will need to behave in ways that show their Morality is not up to the president of the time, but by the constitution and the laws of this land.  Complicity is making this country turning fascist will not be forgiven when the pendulum swin,gs back, and it will, the other way, because there are more moral than immoral people.  And throughout time humans have always sooner or later destroyed tyrants.

This fear of blacks and hatred of the other, now even political parties that his people do not understand, like Marxists... oh, there is a Marxist party about to gain power.... yeah, right.  The farthest left in Congress, almost all women, like AOC's group, is about as left as we can dream of, and they are not exactly the most powerful people in the government, though they may be the truest to science and morality.     The black thing is fed by showing crime in the cities, as they are flooded with machine guns because a law was allowed to expire that kept them from civilians.  This coincided with the now infamous mass murders killing the thing they fear.

  Xenophobia obviously leads to objectification of another, making them not human, but some object.   Objects are not human.  They can be killed, raped, or an actress forced into sex by a Weinstein, and all the others like him in the world.  Barbara objectified me into a 'lover,' someone to have sex with, and intellectual conversation...  she told me her sex drive was not so high anymore so she was ending our relationship.   Someone I loved in a way that told me we would end up together, somehow, some way, that I would get famous and she would come to me.   No...  she always used to break down saying I was going to hate her.

I was made into an object in Intelligence, and due to my ignorance, I ended up working with people who would be considered unsavory to a standard that I did know existed.  I was told again and again things were happening but I thought they were making up lies about me.  I watched the television, and movies, that were made about what took place far from my sight.  I tapped into forces I did not understand, nor control....  underground groups, etc... the Classified world that so many knew about they believed I did, too...  I think.

I had followers, probably some of the same people Rump has...  I never knew what was going on around me, how you did not take my insistence that I liked Insurance, as a reference to nukes I would use as a last resort, a Samson option...  I would never damage this, what I early on called My City Of Children, in reference to Don Dellilo talked about wanting to see a Cathedral of sleeping children, or how being around them was that Holy to him in that moment...  Impressed me...  talked about how a cathedral of sleeping children would be so soothing and... make you responsible, in a way, for how they would grow up.  In a book some say he came out on the side of the Catholic church, after being an avid atheist, then seeing youth shattering without a center.

. After my brainwashing, my words were twisted and in nefarious manners I could not believe one human would do to another, let alone they thought I would order such a thing, I tried to fight off what I thought were lies, but a race war, that struck me as too primitive to be possible in the USA.   I knew little at that point, but I remember now, a man I used to see in the park, who came up to me one day after this started and said he did not want to die, and I had no intention of having anyone hurt, told him I was all about peace and love.   He and all his friends who had hung out there disappeared after that.   The huge powers that be seemed to think I wanted these things done, or used my words in any way they could to enflame whichever fires benefited them... though I, in my ignorance -- I say that so much...  I do not really know...

I keep telling myself what is happening in the present makes writing about the past pointless, especially if they bring up bodies from their graves, and set them off on a killing spree.  Or hatchets long buried dug up...

But these were the people Trump was working with in those days, along with others I will not name, though we all know they have no good intentions for anyone except the richest of the rich....  Trump is also trying to avoid the court system, and the election, or a revolution, are his only chances to get out of jail free... or so he thinks.

I have recently weakened my access to Force, I believe.  Some.  I am a contract laborer, who works with contract laborers, and we work for God, and the pay... well, I guess that depends, I have no idea.  I get my ssi and food stamps, giving me a decent enough life, but I should be wealthy.  No sour grapes, they offered but the fine print was a bit much for me....  and God would not allow me to.  Good thing, I ended up choosing religion over politics, though that does not mean that I will not write about politics.  I just will not use the structures of religion, to think about politics.  I separate the two as much as possible, I look for people who will do the most for the people, instead of simply flat out caving in and going republican to get rich and serve the rich, despite killing the planet, and now becoming a fascist, under a mad man... and let me tell you, I did not know Hitler, but Rump is no Hitler....  mainly because the Jews here will have many allies in stopping him.  I know that they tried to make me into a Nazi before.  One line after years of writing....

I would have liked a conversation about this...  I simply am astounded by these things.  I see all of these groups, and I saw the Jews harmed, and I brought in what I thought was a Tough Jew, who would put a stop to that kind of behavior.  I had no intentions of ever starting any kind of war with Jews...  I kept trying to say there were governments, and civilians, and soldiers... and what the government did should not be used to judge civilians. 

I am interested in hearing all sides to  make peace, and just agree to the Golden Rule, leave it at that.  I do not know the details of these wars, but if they are encouraging xenophobic thinking, I believe one of their pillars has cracked, and breaking, soon to lead to a fall....   I want peace between the us factions, but hey I also want an apartment in a skyscraper, two cats, a dog, a dog walker, and ... room for Mary Ann and her brother finds a place to live.  

Then I remember when you told me I was famous ten years ago and I asked you 

 I heard of people being killed who followed me, first in a tv show that had a revolutionary type lead all these women to death, then say they would go to prison, and people would write songs about them... and the woman kept impressing on her that people had died.  They had no clue that Industrialists were the ones who were behind me.

  In Chicago they had the rich monopoly guy on a commercial, with money all around him, making like a snow angel out of it, and saying, We bring you angels.   And either they did one of the most elaborate ruses in history by putting me in the hospital for a year of chemotherapy for something that is not treated that way, or wings were removed from my back, from the two small scars I came out with, and was told were tumors that developed from the radiation.  I did not question this until early on someone just said, in the first days of all this, seventeen years ago, THOSE WERE NOT TUMORS and I knew from that they meant I once grew wings, that were for some reason clipped.  Judging by the manner in which I have been treated  by institutions of religion, etc...  to my great horror and eventual humble gratitude for the forgiveness and charity and mercy and words of wisdom,  some have offered...  even though if what I have been told is true, I caused them anguish, when driven mad by brainwashing and seroquel, not sleeping for days at a time, I raged at the world which was watching me but would not pay me for this, or let me in on what was happening...

Innocent enough to think that since I wrote from my heart, that people would know how I am, what I stand for...  the raging in the apartment, was never a show...  it was always some kind of war with you.  And me, the unwitting muse for murder.  And worse, slavery, the destruction of peoples relationship with God...  I still remember when we were moving from that place on Sheridan where this all started and I found a torn piece of paper that said they asked a wise man what to do and he said Get a dog.   I had screamed and ranted and lovingly talked about all the dog taught me, and I felt constantly watched and wanted you terrified.  This is how I fought you, I thought...  with the threat of bombing a city a lot of Racists and right wingers would like to destroy because this is, in the underground, black territory, and also a Buffalo Jail, you can walk around the city, but can never leave.  A sentence I am not sure who controls.  I was also told ten years ago I am a hostage.

I found out very late in the game that you had stereotyped me, thought all my words about people being equal was just a cover story for my hate, what white people in the media do who have a xeno phobia -- which makes them cowardly, by the way, by not facing their fear...  and they take that fear and and objectify harmless civilian humans who they do not know into Evil beings, that must be rooted out.  Instead of being human beings, with rights, feelings, and whom my God and my Genes -- the same ones I share with all humans, not 'special,' genes -- tell me that we can be friends if we get to know who each other are,  and the xenophobic impulses come from a natural wariness around people who are not in their tribe, or family, or whatever.

   Everyone has the impulse but allowing a base instinct to destroy all your logic, is when this animal response we needed to stay safe and alive during most of our evolution, becomes an obsession... it can fill people with fear of anyone who is not like them, destroy their ability to enjoy the wealth of learning about other cultures, examining all the different perspective of lives, truly see other people and develop the critical thinking skills that make xenophobia a diseases.  I kind of always knew this, even when I was ignorant.  At 24 driving cab in Toledo when all these blacks were jumping out without paying, to the point even black cab drivers would not take black people...   I did not take my anger at being ripped off by a person of a certain skin color as a reason to despise all blacks.  I had read too many books to fall into what I considered an absurdity.

Then I did not realize how truly oppressed the black people in Racist Toledo Ohio are, and how a lot of the blacks there were angry, and trying to strike back.  No bus service and a law that said you could not do anything except call the cops if someone ran off... but all they had to do was not answer the door for the cops, and that was it, four hours of money lost -- I stopped calling the police it happened so often.  

I had hre even some adults would get in the circle watching the fight and do nothing.   Anyone oppressed I was sympathetic.  I did not know then the bit I do about how racism is everywhere that is used to divide and conquer in the Class War...  I am sorry to use the term class war...  we are not at war, we are all in the same boat, and your attention has not been on the sinking boat, up there on the higher decks, snorting coke in a lounge chair...  not even picking up a bucket to try to live, or at least stave off the inevitable... and there I mean the environment.   All ties together.

In ww2 most soldiers fired over the heads of the enemies, the citizen soldiers did not want to have to kill anyone.  They changed the training after that, to make sure soldiers would kill.

 The people around rump -- who would not rent to blacks, or tried to make them move, like his son in law Kushner, the guy who held up getting vaccines for Covid to liberal cities to make the Democrats look bad.  He is someone who feels he is better than most anyone else on the planet,  those deaths here in Chicago were nothing compared to keeping power, winning one for the Class war, the millionaires and billionaires...  just 'trash,' no matter what color, because we are not rich enough to have power.  They think the cream rises to the top, when they have gotten there through crimes, lying, defying people their rights, destroying the planet... 

I need to write about Rump's xenozombies.  He is thrilling them up to kill now, talking about purges of other political parties, going after the left whom he calls vermin.  Makes me think if somehow they rig this election or try to take over when they have lost, the military should step in.   They should be the last line of defense against his madness, as General Miley knew when he led the armed forces, and he alerted his counter parts around the world that if it started to sound like this guy was going crazy and using nukes, to talk to him first.   He may have had to act to stop a madman, on speed, from destroying the world.

If he gets in again, will we have an armed forces that is ready to stop him if he tries to go after journalists, and etcetera.  The forces behind him are genocidal.  I pray to my God that this country knows better than to allow a cult to let Trump back into the white house.  He is the type the electoral college should say NO, we are giving this presidency to Biden...  91 indictments, threats against judges and journalists and...  He has to be stopped.

I hate war.  Trump gets in, I will reluctantly dig up my hatchet...   the words of anger I use in politics when I am protecting as many as possible from harm, etc...  not a real hatchet.   I will not give this man the satisfaction of getting people to actually die for him, which he will find pretty cool, as his sons will tell us later....  I guess he has, of course, like the Police at the Capital... but this will be a madman leading a group of armed, ethically challenged Lynch mob, that has been given a consciousness by fox news and trump, that has has them ready to line up those liberals and gays and blacks and getting rid of that 'vermin.'  Rich people think like that, that other people are vermin, if not blessed by money.  Just not 'their kind of' people.

I read of Kuschner, the son in law, who let people die by holding up vaccines, was on the french riveria with Bono and Billy Joel...  I know better than to expect much of people, and the danger of pedestals, but Bono sure built a huge one, and then to hang out with a mass murderer of liberals...

Oh, well... he stole one of my lines, said it the day after me.  Or promoted it.  I was honored at the time.  Just said I do not vote for politicians I vote for issues.  I am beyond caring about what they do as part of my problem, because the soul, and the looming greenhouse effect are going to mess with these people, too...

 These folks cannot be allowed back in, slum lords from way back get elected into the white house, that is what trump and his son in law are, racist slumlords...  

We have to be ready for him to try to steal the election, or get power violently, or have the state republican's gerrymander him in...   He talks about getting rid of the fbi and the irs... the department of justice.... a rich criminals dream, and that government the far right never trusted, and often for good reason on certain matters, that is the world we are born into, though this hardly makes them all evil, as far as I know.   I do not like the implications of this country allowing right wing groups to carry machine guns at marches, to help the police at BLM marches.  The FBI keeps showing the statistics about right wing groups, but since they are right wing, seemingly still 'Hoovering' on the 'black threat.'   How about looking at these people as what they are, the solutions, not the threats.

This is why I have fought so hard to bring the police officers and the protestors together at marches, as peaceful people, who if doing an act of civil disobedience will go politely to jail.  The precedents you are sitting now, will be followed in the future by great crowds of people, as demands are made on the federal government for relief from natural disaster after natural disaster...  we see it now, Florida no longer insurable... since the once in a century storms became regular events.  You will have to work together to save your own asses, and you will want cops around.   Until then, as we put out the fires here in the present, we have to remember Numbers is the only force we have that is greater than their force.  Physics says the only way to win a battle is to have greater force.  We cannot use violence, make bad situations worse, we must be water on the fire, showing up in peaceful, organized numbers too big to ignore.  This will lead to voting blocks, and perhaps we can sane up a bit.

Being hopeful.  To hardcore folk I must seem pollyanna'ing or selling out.  This is sure as hell not my intent...  Modern politics cannot be ignored.  If you are aware at all of what could happen if Rump gets in, you would be doing all you can to stop this...  peacefully, in a voting booth...  because of course Rump will try to bring on violence.