Dealing with the Brilliant, wonderous, AOC... God... War... Usual day

  I  should first off say my life is like, the cliche' folks say, a Kafka Novel, though in mine every character is a Judge who does not bother to list any charges, finds me guilty on what the newspaper said that morning... which the intelligence and military community allow.

The only bars I deserve...  are within my own conscious.   You have created bars for me purely out of your HATE for me... or should I say a mask you put on me for a day, the make-up you thought I needed for a show, which was never a fucking show, but an attack... on a seemingly indestructible man, blessed with the knowledge that God was going to make him live through his mission, and that being on this planet meant destroying some of what came before, and creating anew.  In this time, when the politicians are not even putting up what could be a winning fight, and instead funding more poison being brought into the world, they must be put to as best use as possible.  This is not something that is going to be stopped.  Fighting this physically is impossible.  The environment itself will fight the oil rigs, and the pipe lines, and...  such actions will force action.

We do not have time to wait it out, have to do what we can, to put off the end as long as possible.  Though I think soon, if some scientific solution is not found and followed soon enough -- they will all be scambling for them in the end.   I write this and think, they are going underground, so many, to try to live out some solution to save the human race.  Someone had to try that, and of course only the richest could do such a thing.  I am not talking tom cruises' five million dollar bunker, but the underground tunnels running all over the states, and the large bases kept there, and how that is organized, God only knows.  So many I have met with real power who look at death as nothing.  Just how things operate.  On an industrial scale or death and secrecy that astounds me, if indeed this is all a secret.  From my bubble, I should be more paranoid, not less... another irony of being sane in a geography driven half mad.

How do you prove to people that Jesus is not about money, you tell people to burn some...   especially that he has never seen, nor believes in any more than that my life was turning out sane, that my fame would be a blessing and i was not getting rich, like a guy offered a radio show and to make all his stories into movies.   I was still a mess from that happening.  I said give money, did not even think I had to say to the poor...  Why would Jesus do this, or that, or that...  I kept thinking about that with you.  How can you think Christ would do the things you accused me of ...  and I meant a historical christ, I guess in my head, before I realized more than a couple womyn I talked to on the net thought I was Christ.  

I put AOC up thinking I would just talk about the two incidents below, but I guess there have been others, where at least she knew I support her and her other sane, fearless colleagues for speaking truth within Power.  I told her to her face, "And you, I want you to be president one day, that is what you were designed for."   I said this thinking of the process by which a sane, rational, liberal politician could be chosen, and she herself has proven, to me, the God sent her in my time for a reason, and that is to protect the process of Democracy, until the world is ready to vote her politicians to work with, etc... this will take a lot of teaching to the cult of Trump, though like all cults, it wills shatter with his death.  I would usually say they could be brought down, but like Jeffs, the pedophile cult leader, his followers are too far down that synaptic to see any other views...  they can change, thank God.  And will...  he is too old to live long enough to be relevant in AOC's time, except a horrible series of traps that may or may not be there.  Enlarge the Supreme Court NOW, while there is still time, before flat out fascists use ... oh, they did, with Abortion, against the will of the us population, and showing womyn all progress will be torn away from them if possible.

 

    First let me say the CIA, the Military, various criminal oriented types, various groups who claimed we were in the same 'family,' and indeed any group or spy agencies, even those who later I was involved in fighting,  THEY ALL AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER SAVED MY LIFE, and I believe this makes you, however perhaps unwitting, part of a Holy Plan, larger than all of us, that has shaken the elite in the states...  I forgive you and gave you a chance to redeem yourself, though I did not expect the vengeance of my God to be so Harsh he hid it from me, knowing I would stop it.

I would like to Particularly thank China, i wanted to seek asylum from them,  when I found out my government was allowing me to be filmed all the time,  sold as pornography, as well as kept broke, and threatened with tortures I could only imagine, yet recognized just enough to know they were created from the images and words said in my life, that meant nothing.....  the misinterpretations, the lack of any honest communications, the keeping me senselessly fighting, lives lost to myths like I wanted people to leap from buildings....

I would never have learned about the race war if I had taken the wonderful job in washington that I lost when,  still thinking a few spies were all that would be watching me, I tried to make a point that if they were going to let me free, than some of my life had to be private.  By then some had filmed me doing this act, talked about it on tv, screamed at me about being a diarrhea dog...  cameras, in bedroom, bathroom, etc...  I did not think these spies were seeing anything new.  Anyone who knows anything about me knows I am not the type to do such a thing.   I still felt alone in my apartment. 

Then all hell broke loose, and the Law I had hoped from the start would come talk to me if there was some problem... puzzled me, that I was supposedly inspiring heinous acts but no one ever talked to me about such things.   Still had no clue how powerful the groups that wanted me to lead them actually were, tricked by what I thought was a jail, when in fact I was a hostage, holding back racists killings or whatever...   I think I know, and I am loyal to all the humyn beings around me, and have reason to believe I may be part of their defense...  Against an attack I would fight with all the Powers of a God on Earth, whether I wanted to or no... is in my fears of God category...  only one there. 

 I also believe the future will need a sanctuary in the midwest for climate refugees, with plenty of fresh water and open to people of all creeds, etcc... and where friendliness is the last commodity left.

The Co-Incindences In My Life... that shaped my Path

    After a shy person, especially about this particular act, humiliated myself by masterbating, a normal human act, done in one of the seemingly worst times in history, and this led to my finding out everyone everyone was watching me.... not just a few.... and that only one in particular seemed to be protecting, though I was worshipped by many who I did not of at the time, and they abandoned me at this time.  I can certainly understand why, and remembering shouting that I would have tried to kill me that very day...  I doubted they could, but....  I would have hated the same media creation that you did.  I do not like cult leaders, and a killer one above the law, protected by guys who the average cop would only mess with to commit suicide...   deserves hate, reaction, fight...  there were other sides of me, I showed at times...  

Still, humiliation would dominate my memories of the past were it not trivial next to the events surrounding the acts I did that were seen by millions...

  There is a tension that has not left me since being watched started, between who I am alone and who I become with others around.  I once rebelled against this, my hatred for a world where I could not delineate friend from foe.

AOC...  I am not trying to make you read other words before I write of our brief, though telling accounts.  She came to me, with Bernie Sanders by her side, the night I realized that I had to strike the spies, who had become accepted in the left.  I did not write about them because I did not wish to offend China, who had been protecting me... this took them totally by surprised, especially because they had just fought and destroyed, and in our world that means destroyed, a group that wanted a theology, which I believe may have been the industrialists who first started this operation, to take over as much of the world as possible with a new Jesus.  

 I said HE IS A GOOD GUY abut Sanders, a communist, who just then were being taken out by a people unmentionable, and told AOC,  I want her to be president one day...  though some things were more important than politics.... this was politics, in a way, but it was mostly about protecting Democracy itself, in a series of civil wars, against threats in the shadow world....  we were fighting to stop a group, that under my guidance had grown powerful... though mostly others..   spies in with the left, in particular the communist party.  The throne I sat on as leader could be used for great good, and we owe our thanks in this country to China supporting me, when we stopped the theology, which is not the first time they have secretly saved this country through trusting me, when my own country did not... even when I returned  presidents to the white house.  We would not have a country today without the blood of a lot of people, and among them have been brave and honorable on all sides.   To harm them took from me my only friend in the world, a man who really got my sense of humor, a brother.   God brought home the actions I take on line, the kills of people I loved, and seem to relate to, leave holes in hearts and lives and minds...  again, when I demanded that I was still the best person to hold my position, I know this surprised many.  I was removing people who had done international crimes against humanity, some...  others who were actively working against the country I always told you I was loyal to, the USA.  A lot of insane shit happened with the military when I was taken as somehow sending them secret messages.  I would not insult them by thinking I have any right to order them around, in any capacity, and only did when asked absurd questions that I gave a resound NO to...  having no clue how my words effected anything besides a war of words...  that once went awry, in the beginning, when I was brainwashed, people died, this I knew.   I was abandoned by the industrialists when I turned out to be the genie they could not get back in the box... 

March on.  In mind, and body, is about all you have in the end...

 If I had not fallen from my pedestal,  I never would have learned of the race war, or been able to stop this, and later a genocide, encouraged the brilliant people in my local area, who think with their hearts and their heads.  I would have never been interrogated, from which I learned the horror of what was truly going on around me, not the Johnny Pain like jokes I thought I was hearing on the news, though they were really deaths, explained in a voice bemused at times, like when I was told of all these types of pasta, with sauce, were found in a woods.   By then I knew taken to the cornfield, at times, and later the woods...   in too many ways to list.   I do not if everyone who reads this knows more than I, or if I need worry about something being top secret that you broadcasted and I refused to shut my mouth about.  Though now that I know the weight of my words, I am much more careful not to accidently crush someone, again...

I  want to apologize to AOC for the pain my actions have caused her, including though I pray not, fear for Mr. Sanders when I proclaimed the last unmentionable combat, by groups I will never name.   When we went after the Communist spies, which everyone thought I was one, so I held off to the end, after a battle... and we went after the spies.  Fourteen were officially arrested by the FBI, though the operation was too huge to more than decimate, as the army deserved, after the tactics which had been used, which I will not tolerate in soldiers who fight under my flag...  a group of people I consider valuable, and heroes died, because their force threatened that of the USA.   I seem to have kept the politicians in when better alternatives are available, some think.  In a dream world I would get rid of them and we would bring in scientists to take over the budget, get rid of our nukes, bring our army home and send that amount in aide to help them the citizens to rebuild.  I would have a group trusted to have no political affiliation that would be allowed into any war zone, trading their right to report or judge to be saviors of those who do not give a damn where their next mean is coming from, just so it comes.   Orange.  Showing up as a color that says environmental soldiers of peace, who work with the Blue no matter what color or country they are in.  Protected by their innocence, and pressure from all around the world.

I think often how much stronger MLK was for taking horrible abuse without acting back in kind, then someone who followed their base instincts to fight back.  He proves his non-violence wins in the end.  The films of MLK on the then Pettus bridge changed generations, for awhile.  Now we have generations who deny racism exists.

The ten days of terror between myself and my own soldiers, when the only mercy I gave was a quick death,  the Catholics mass for invalids, had the sentence 'Jesus brings the east and west together,' which I had certainly been doing and still hope to do. The great cardinal who preached to me for a year, also brought up mercy, yet instead of being myself, a fire from God was inside of me...  and blood flowed across this land....  My solace in their becoming ancestors, souls still living, and now advising... to be honored, even if the methods of war they used, had to be stopped by any means necessary, as did the affiliation of the left with traitors.    

  I believe that the means I wish to use are more effective than the violent tactics used in the past.  Masses of people are needed to confront the greenhouse effect, and anything that divides us conquers us at the moment... this is why when they asked me, and inferred I was nuts to so, if I was trying to go to war with CHINA, I told them, NO, I want to be friends with China,  Every country has spies and I ended up with these, I spoke of the tactics I particularly objected to on their watch, though much was generated when the billionaires meant to use me, as Jesus in a fascist take over, hidden by a theology...

I found out I still had people watching me what seems like not long ago though a lot has happened.  I am trying to use what influence I have on the issues that are ignored by the politico's most of the time.   They have strictures which demand decorum, some, and while many are the opposite, screaming until the spittle is a stream flowing down onto the speech on the podium.

Time for a break..

infinite paths to peace

A Sermon Delivered From A Circle In The Middle Of Piles Of Corpses

So High That The Blue Sky Is A Tiny Dot  Far Above My Podium

 I am the ultimate hypocrite

I know.

a man whose bloody hands cover the computer keys

writes of peace...

always peace...

even while all around him died Because

I was kept ignorant to hide the sins

from the cameras around me

I was stoned by the once loving crowds

 I was writhing in pain on the cross

left to suffer out of miss-placed revenge

 rather than spoken to like an equal....

war makes some lust for more

others abhor 

Like most I was raised to never kill and they forced me to kill

with mental and physical memories of how... to destroy...

against their every instinct, at first

until other instincts are drawn on--the tooth and nail fight to survive

sent into battles over a few inches of land or barrels of oil and other absurdities 

not worthy of a drop of blood.

 xeno phobia has infected the us and is spread every day

Causing an army of Fox watchers to think civil war is here

Got your brainwashing anytime you want it as David Byrne sang...

The mainstream media beat drums of war ...

blasted into minds and driving them irrational with anger

until a landlord who once built this child a tree house

killed him with 24 stab wounds.

To me God Martyring this child to paradise

to give a face to the horror of the Palestinians

that the US tv with CNN standing in front of an Israeli flag

no pretense at all that there will be balanced reporting on the issue.

Grieving for the families of the dead, praying for the hostages...

I could not forget my years of writing of atrocities in Gaza

The head of the IDF saying 'rapes was a good way to come down 

from battle...'  after serving 20 years he advised a war crime

the ultimate objectification is required to genocide the Palestines

they are not people to their enemies.

They call them animals, call for killing the Palestinians babies before

the people in power

saying they would just grow up to be terrorists

so why not kill them then...  a gorgeous Israeli politicians said this.

To take this conflict out of context is the newscycle is all about

who you show, how you shape the myth, what works best for the WAR EFFORT

The people of this world hate war. 

 The many who benefit love them all.  Every arms sold a commission, a plant running....

I hear more bombs have been dropped on Gaza than Dresden

think of Kurt V...  the novelist who blew my mind as a child, a man

one of the deaths, the very day the 'showing of the angel' started

before the CIA realized I was not attacking anyone

just writing to get a radio show some interest

a delusion I lived under for so many years...

digression after digression.... I meet a woman in the park, who I sense once took me as Jesus... she tells me she has gotten over being promiscuous, and this seemed like she wanted me to say it was good, though I did not know her life.  She asked me, IS THERE a Jesus then....

to the guns shooting up  ___________ fill in the blanks,  USA

 build an altar of flowers on the street, burn candles for the dead,

 try to remind the world in their grieving that this is madness...

  that a priceless person has been taken from the people around him.

   I was one who fought gun control when I distrusted the government,

 until I learned there were bigger guns in town than politicians,

 people who could wipe any of them off the map easily.

and the machine guns were legalized and the spree killing began     

Everyday in Chicago, out of the millions, one or more

dies because machine guns were once more legalized

guess how many had to die to see why they were banned

because I have no idea, just see bodies piled higher each day

I refuse to bury them away in  some unconscious cemetery.

  

though  the NRA has more support now and those guns will continue to make 

our cities war zones with not even the pretense of rules

Revenge and genocide spoken as true alternatives

in a modern country, our great ally and friend of many in the USA

--not necessarily this Gov... Obama did not like going along

and did some symbolic fuck you to nutty yahoo the right wing conservative genocidal madman

We  watch people the same size as us on tv talking about how their neighborhood

of three and four and five flats and apartment buildings

has been bombed out of existed...  and know their aggressor will do this to their lives

as they have already done with their history, where their country is claimed to have not even existed.

Trapped civilians blown into pieces of flesh too minute

to identify the dead

The USA starves the people out of Argentina and Cuba

and we have a historic increase in desperate people with no choice

except to gamble their life, their families lives

walk thru a jungle by hard men 

robbed and raped.

Show up at our border with nothing left except their hope.

We spend 330 million on securing the boarder

when investing in the countries where the refugees are generated would bring jobs

hope

even where their own governments we feel have failed them...

the asylum seekers no more want to leave their homes than you do yours

for a trek thru jungles and deserts and hostile soldiers and barbed wire

We are one species we humans

no matter how the elitists or racists think, 

we are all equally important

despite the sneer on your lip or the bemused smile or however you have dismissed

we the working classes and minorities over the years

as I was mistaken for every various images in the shards of a shattered mirror

This I learned throughout my life, over and over

 Now, your hatreds are my true bars.

as you tell me I am a hero

to some and I do not even know if we share the same values,

or they like so many believed that I hated people over exactly what I love most about them, 

diversity...

 I understand I will be hated

 still it surprises me. 

I am a shapeless, nameless spirit in flesh 

serving a powerful God

...  nothing more, NOTHING LESS!

A War Crime by Hamas...  met with A War Crime By Israel, the much mightier force, that shows them clearing the land  with bombs, ignoring the blood, leaving the bodies to fertilize the paradise they wish to build with the bones...., as they have done before for settlements, by shooting at them, taking over.... burning their olive trees.   The aftermath of a mentality of being raised by people who slaughtered entire towns of Palestinians, threw them in trucks, took over as much land as possible.  Every since they have  Trying to wipe their sins off the face of history with propaganda, that does not YET take into account the already historic number of dead.  Israel feels no laws apply to them, and this is not the only country by far that has this attitude.

  Now though is time stop this slaughter.  The Jews here in the states went to jail in the capital, and this is the general wave of compassion that this recent heartless bombing and starving people, allowing babies to die...   reminds me of all the right wing rhetoric I heard coming out of Israel years ago that I stood up to, getting branded whatever -- though I am sympathetic enough to feel grieving for all who are harmed, I do not think Israel should drop one more bomb, and I want all the trucks that are waiting to go in at once.  You are not going to harm Hamas with the lack of food and water and fuel.  You will be using collective punishment, against a people what has had no say really in who governed them for many years.

What does my opinion on such things matter...  not much.

Still, as a voice some in power seem to hear...  I am not going to sit back and pretend with everyone else and ignore the truth. I am also not going to join in anti-semitic rants either.  I am certainly not in cahoots with Trump though I come from the same country and he wants to stick his nose up my ass and get me to save him so bad.... or did, one weird day when I wake up and find him and his fellow Floridians were ready for a race war, and he seemed to think I would help....  when I have only shown in about a million ways that this is not what I want, which is Justice for All. They ignored my words again, because they are liars living lies and I am not...  looked for criminal orders when they will get none from me that are not of national security needs.

  I exposed the racists who would take over the country, the KKK robe that Trump wears, brought into the light, the ugly face of hatred.  The satanic judgement whispered into your ear by a man who is insane, by every measurable standard, and plans on forcing his bloody vision into the heads of as many fanatics as possible.... sadly, I set this roadmap with writing I thought most ignored, and I was surprised when they were eluded to on the tv, until, about a decade ago.  God is slow to anger, as am I.  I told you that you had not seen me angry, and in the last wars you learned this.  I do not wish to ever grow angry again.   You have been hurt by me, and actions done in my name, to a degree that I cannot fathom, simply grieve a number too large to hold in my head...  an endless horizon of tombstones.

I feel for soldiers on both sides, civilians on both sides.  The politicians who cause these wars behind the scenes, their behavior I despise.  I do not hate them as people, though I take them out of the equation of people who I listen to if their agenda is apparent and traitorous.  Fox accuses me of hating the federal government when there would not be one, over and over, had I not acted.  You merely fed the country lies, made friends into enemies... and yes, this business with me having divided and conquered you for the side using me, whoever that is.... 

 I want the opposite, always have...  thought at first, so cynically I remember now, that the existence of Christ was a good thing...  now, I understand better, and accept, and I am obviously more than  just a hostage I do not wish to be, if I am.  Free.  I heard free mentioned once but what would free mean to me now...   a lot of things.  That does not mean I want to move.  There is carnival enough in Chicago I could barely begin to see a bit...

But the public perception of me...  is it still filled with hate...  I did damage to people I loved because I did not trust anyone to take the throne I had somehow ended up sitting in.  I use this metaphor for the various groups.   I wish I could communicate with people who could sanely talk to me about what they went through, and what happened.   I would trade a lot for such knowledge somedays and others I am sure if I knew it would add to the misery, more deaths, to a man who understands enough to understand your hatreds are my true bars.  

The world does not make me in any way feel like going to war again, and I cannot imagine doing so... though I can imagine others doing so...  and I suppose if I am honest, I can see myself getting people out of my way if the worse comes to worse, but I wish to have ten years of trying peace, at least...  the violence will be nothing I can stop at times, though I will try.   Friendliness  will be the only currency in the end.  I ended my association with violence.  No longer believe this can win, though I am not idiot enough to get shot down because I WISH everyone agreed with me already.  That is not a matter for the Orange to even think about.  Copper is meant to be what you never have to be, because no blood will be on anyone's hands, not Blue, not Orange.  Progress can be made by concentrating on issues and votes and petitions, not fighting police officers, who have enough problems without being hated for doing their jobs.

Peace.

The onions magazines official statement on the Middle East shows why they are the best. And I met one once, and he was a very nice, regular guy.

Here is a bit of the opening, a thesis statement from The Union which they outline the situation, and the presses unquestioning backing of one side in a senseless, horrible war.  I have had to go to al jazeera live to see what was happening in Gaza, and how the other countries in the Middle East were reacting to what is increasingly looking like accumulation of what has been a policy I have heard many times, the genocide of the remaining Palestinians...      the slow motion removal, and the jailing, with a wall...  around the area that the Israeli's were planning on stealing.   Yet in the states, the news has demonized the Palestinians so much a crazed old man, attacked his rentor's with a knife, killing a six year old baby, and critically injuring his mother.  Our media's goose stepping words of hatred into our minds  has to be resisted.

No one wishes to be judged by their government of their country, depending where they are from, I suppose.  The USA is the heart of Darkness in many countries for the activities hidden in the dark, outside of the reaches of Democracy, where true votes and the will of the people are demanded.  Not JUST the rich few who finance politicians, while helping the people just enough to keep the pot from overboiling.  The politicians are always bitching about the thorn bushes that stop serious changes, occasionally trimming them down, though never tearing out the roots...  we can never expect the path to be peace possible.

I avoided the mainstream media for years, especially after reading the Nation, attending radical classes, primarily in the humanities, threw out the baby with the bath water...  I did not look at it as sinister, tv, just did not have time before, nor cared much, since I was very focused on writing, and next to being with my lover, I preferred writing to anything in the world.  Until painting. And now, God... with is a different love, of course, unconditional and impossible to understand, though the All has revealed some mechanism to me, or metaphorical tellings that translate to human minds.  I truly believe the afterlife is much simpler than this life, though I know little of either.  Just happened to have heard or seen a few things that people are coming across for the first time through my words, as I did the same thoughts, and words, once.  My own spin of course.  

Now that I have mourned  --   I consider this the years of mourning, my elderly period of life, even though my activities continue more intensely...   I am no longer using dishonesty or a cover personality, anymore of one that one would when being watched by more people than you like to think about...  that I still doubt.

  I have seen too much not to know that I was watched and then maligned or praised on television, and still am.  The Simpsons open their season 023 about Orange, after I praised them and offered them assistance, in the past...  they were right, I was off course, caught up in the battles leading to the war, for the environment, which requires humans co operating.... at peace, and determined, to work together for the good of the all, while still protecting the ability for humans to think for themselves...  we will need free, creative minds more than ever in the future, as we are attacked by our past  and the oceans rise, forests burn, droughts and floods and diseases.... -- that endless ever growing list of catastrophes us just the beginning.  The atmosphere however, unless rescued, by a consensus of all citizens, will continue to die. 

cut and paste to read much better writing....  big love to the world.  

https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-stands-with-israel-because-it-seems-like-yo-1850922505

https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-stands-with-israel-because-it-seems-like-yo-1850922505

This is Your story... or a bit of it

 WARNING.  People have died from the mere association with me, while others have lived when briefly, at least,   I used my words wisely, having been withheld the gravity of the situation... or told, in manners that made no sense with me.  

I was trying to play chess yet I had no idea what the pieces meant, let alone there was even a board.  Merely allowing the game to be set up, then throwing my arm across the rooks, knights, kings and queens... sending them flying around the room, hit what they may, damage what they may.  I felt surrounded by gunfire as I tried to make every effort toward friendship.

Now, I think at times of the absurdity of a man who has the blood on his hands that I do, writing words of peace, and trying to help a group who has a problem stopping the worse images of a foot stomping, talking in tongues, little rural church, apocalypse with fiery demons destroying the earth.   I SPEAK OF THE GROUPS using the color orange to show they support peacefully protesting for the environment, the implementation of any 'hail Mary' solutions being thrown out by the experts, and preparing for stark changes in the future of the USA and the world.    

My story is story of many who read these words, we were used by a cult, with absurd notions like 'Yellowism,' which haunts me with the suspicion this was used to force people to watch me, obliged them, whatever.  

Art usually requires craft, though sometimes is pure inspiration.  My life is certainly a story untold by myself, in the me that I am under the many incarnations I have been over the years.  I wish to set the record as straight as I can, owing as much to those involved.   I cannot hide behind the idea that I was consciously undercover working for God during this time, but from the start I thought exposure to law enforcement would give me a way to prove my innocence in whatever the hell was going on around in chicago, back in 06 when this started.  

I followed my morality and the hard and soft lessons I had learned in my life, as well as the worst of me, the liar who could never understand why I did this...   I hated this enough to examine my days for years looking for lies.  Often stupid.  Telling a teenage girl I met in my hometown, when I was seventeen, that I was a roadie for some band.  Hemingway talked about how he lied about his exploits until he actually had exploits -- oh, how my ex wife, the English major, hated him.  Like Vonnegut...   who I grieve with renting and tearing of my clothing, due to the way he died. . . after I reached out to him, then never took the call from Iowa, or anywhere else. Fear.  Denial.  The suspicion. I was getting all kinds of odd messages from people, and did not even belief Stewart called me.   

I go back to the beginning, often, like when I lived in the Roach Motel, and Stewart became the most trusted journalist in the country.

Bravo to him but there were journalists out there doing serious stories, perhaps on this, that were kept from beyond the dome that the Fox propaganda network showed.  I was not going to be worshipped, and did a lot of stupid shit.   I thought my commands would be taken as the words of Jesus returned, did not realize that was a construct placed into my head when I was determined to be working on the wrong side in their war.  Incorrectly.  Without questioning me.  Informing me of why was out of the question.

Orange cannot be a violent organization, because I have done my best to stop the dominant forces within my reach from being able to use violence to continue their planet wide genocide, etc...   This is the vision I had at first, that I would work with the unions, organize marches, evamp this country.   Foolishly I did not expect enemies to be on the horizon, though I invited them with my behavior, behavior effected by intense brain washing and abuse for what many know just how many times...  those reading my words, seeking some wisdom to live by, do not understand that some truth is contextual.  

Right now my truth is that Orange are the meek who must inherit the Earth, scientifically -- the people who socialize properly are those who survive best, and right now the world needs to stop our conflicts over what will be worthless land unless massive efforts are made.   

WAR CRIMES.   War is a law unto itself.  War crimes almost always happen, and they are the norm in most battles, wars.  Those supported by the west, the east, the middle-east.  We support a leader in Egypt, who even bought his own senator to arms supplies, who cracked down on the press worse than the dictator that the west supposedly saved the citizens from.  

I think of the young prof.... over ten years ago, a writer and intellectual fighting on despite having been jailed and tortured.  This was a norm in his country.   He was later jailed by Syria when he sought asylum there, who kept taunting him that they were going to turn him back of to his Egyptian capturers.  He returned to Egypt.  I read as his security dissolved, cousins shot down in the streets, their family, liberals, or whatever...  were targeted by thugs hired by the regime.  Chased through the streets with a gun... and finally, jailed and tortured again, this time there was no journalism left in him, exposing the sins of those above the law, only harmed him...  I warned him to keep his head down, but he was too brave.   He was brave the last contact we had, in a crazed, religious sense, that I had never seen in him before.  He had told me when we met his religion did not matter because he was an objective journalist.  

 After the last torture, gods and demons were fighting, attacking people I knew nothing about, coming off basically as a person driven so mad they believed their every word, no matter how 'out there' they were.   He did not call himself a prophet, and I doubt others would as well... though I did not have the cultural context to understand his references, the themes of god's vengeance and the crushing of enemies stomped through his work, going in circles, never making a path out to reality

The UAW is expanding, other unions and those seeking them joining up behind the seemingly brilliant leaders of the automotive strike, who amaze me with their techniques.  The resolve of people to just get what they deserve;  they took cuts, not so the executives could become billionaires, but to supposedly keep the auto industry afloat.  The government also gave them money.  Now that the profits are astronomical the workers have enough force, to stop the speculators from being so greedy that they are risking losing way more money than the striker's demand.

God sent me to learn about the best side of Unions, and the force they could produce.  I saw them make demands for I did not know what, or have forgotten.  Most the gatherings with all day affairs in parks, with a lot of speeches I had no interest as a young child, thinking Unions were just a given, that my health care was just a given,  retirement a time of years spent with plenty of money, living the decent, seemingly everyday lives they tried to project to others, a different personality for each place, each group of people, each set of beliefs, norms.  These we do our entire lives.  Some are better at this than others, obviously, the whole introvert and extrovert thing, which is ridiculous but why waste words on that, when I have already wasted too many, and will to my sorrow undoubtedly do so again and again...

I do not know what the christian mentality is like.  I was astounded by people believing so strongly I was Jesus, during those first days, let alone my behavior.   I felt I had something important to achieve and this has proven to be true, on a day when a genocide was stopped...  even though later, I became the center of a storm, and threw lightening and hail and great winds into the enemy armies... with the help of so many, who know more, and I certainly welcome any influence my words have in keeping those running this campaign peaceful.  I have removed my finger from the trigger of the red button that sent nukes and armies and fanatics and others.  And if not, then my hands are clasped in my lap and the button the is hidden under the wooden cover, drawing dust I refuse to blow off... praying one day it is buried deep underground by the shifts of time, the sinking, the 'whatever' accumulates over our lives should our history ever be studied close up.

I remember again from the first days, talking about how earthlings were watched all the time by all sorts of aliens, and that life, exceedingly rare in the universe, was of great interest to creatures who can only observe us, perhaps from dimensions, vibrations, the spiritual side, where understanding of the all of God is too obvious to even be given thought.   A man in the street, the same one who told me the whole world knew I was Jesus, when I complained to him of my pain told me back this same story, saying he was being watched by all these aliens, and should I wish to stop my pain, I had to get off the stage.   I took this to mean suicide, which is nothing I will do while healthy enough to function without a ridiculous amount of machinery and expense and mourning.   I would look for a kevorkian and keep him in my rolodex until the time, when the disease I have, among others, chronic myelomalacia, begins destroying my body -- look up the gruesome details if you will  -- dogs who get it are recommended to be put down in three to five days, though I have the best doctors in the world in my huge city, and the health care provided makes me the envy of a world I keep up with. 

 I thank God I am in a blue state, with David -- an image of our Governor that I had during my visions of being a shapeless spirit, effecting humans, helping them when I can, as I serve a God who created and earth which is of and from the great one, who I trust.  Whatever will happen will happen.

Now, I see the war in Palestine, Israel, as a metaphor for the colonial world we are trying to dismantle, many Jewish fellows join me in this, because this simply is the sane manner to see such a conflict.  I am no expert, and apologize if I offend anyone, my heart and mourning is with all involved, including the soldiers on all sides, the grunts, caught up in a fight they never wanted, taken from a life that they can never retain.

The human deaths involved here are all that matter ultimately, until then the ability to live with the promise there is some hope, that the Gazan's have not been sentenced to a prison, with guards whose goal is to get your entire people to leave the country.   The gulfs I have witnessed between the way people think make them often too far apart to ever come together.  This is not the case here, where the cowardly attack on Civilians in Israel is spoken by enraged, right wing Jews, presently in power even though most the people want him removed, even more so now, the CNN shows.  When I first turned them on and saw they were in front of the Israeli flag doing the news, when I was concerned about their next move.  I grieve the dead, and wish to stop the grieving now.  

No mothers on either side laying her head on a coffin, their child, civilians, ambulance drivers, reporters...    

This is no time to consider what the politics of Israel constitutes, though their intent to remove Palestinians from Israel altogether, and build their country on the bones on the dehumanized, demonied, reminders, always, of the great slaughter that started their country...   and now, with tanks that destroy entire cities with almost no resistance, and a promise to send civilian soldiers into either mazes, or simply flattened terrain, ready to be rebuilt... Palestinians are denied building permits, which is one reason, along with lack of space, they build up, on buildings already existing.  I watched them being blown apart, turned from houses for hundreds of humans in rubble.  

I understand the warriors rage that fills so many with all that has happened on all sides.  This is the time for negotiations, and there is no place in such dialogues for rage, only reconciliation.   Common ground is impossible if Israel uses this attack, against an army that is not in the least bit threatened by Hamas, operating primarily out of a small bit of land, filled to the rafters with over two million people.  A man came to the states and was amazed people could walk their dogs, because the ancient streets, thin to begin with, are filled with foot traffic. 

I have in the past written many things that I would take back, were such things possible. Evolving constantly at this point.   I find myself accepting my jail is permanent.  I also realize that to be apart from Mary Ann would be very, very difficult for me emotionally, regardless of what has happened in the past.  I do not know if this is more conditioning, or love, or being alone with her so long that naturally the protector in me comes out, and I would not wish to leave her alone.

   I certainly went thru some weird paths to get to my present complete celibacy, throwing sexual thoughts out of my mind, like one might a thought that comes up when you are meditating that you ignore, give no ability to spur on other thoughts.  I am trying to de-objectify certain matters, including women, in a world where I see nothing wrong with a proper compliment, the male world of defining a womyn's worth by her looks however is propagated everywhere in the press, movies, magazines, games, our 'heroes', porn, elaborate dolls, etc...  money to be made, then no matter the morality, there are those who will jump in.  Most have no idea of the deep, conscious changing events they cause, or become a part of, with little or no thought to the implications of such matters.

I want peace, though there is the part of me that knows, I am Copper and I cannot change this, to do so would be a slight to those who were killed because of what I have done.  I do not expect them to trust that this movement is peaceful, but I have never before been involved in the genesis of a movement which I actually believe needs help.  I cannot however in anyway mix these two.  If this is what you are asking of me, then no...  that will not work.  The pressure must be peaceful, with the Police as safe as the protester's, and no fighting or looting in the streets.  A Union picket asking people not to use a place until they are given their meager bowl of gruel, this time with a few berries, etc.... or health care, living wages, etc.

In the last few years I have sent souls to the great spirit in numbers they tell me are beyond holding in my mind, a figure so daunting I cannot approach without dissolving....

I cannot write that my heart is heavier than those close to the dead.  I thought recently the less people you know when you are older, the fewer will destroy you inside when they die.  I worry about Barbara, though a part of me knows she will pass away and I will never hear about it, or perhaps will try to get the information from Depaul.  I understand she saw this horror first hand and experienced terror, etc.  I have blamed her for her role in this in the past, when there was a place for blame.  Now I have only love for her, and concern.  Odd, I know, though I also still feel the same way about my ex-wife.  To lose someone you love is always a tragedy.

Our story, your story, begins now...

This is my story... well, a bit of it.

, I  understand self-preservation, though most people I deal with in intelligence decide they do not want me talking to, they just do something like block us so we cannot talk, or tell you some lie about me. Mostly, since the president is a close ally of mine, as well as people in all kinds of agencies, it is not a worry.

 My best bud in LA, the rapper MC Prose, a brilliant man, they watch out for. The midwest, especially Ohio, Indiana, and Alaska have problems with me because I refused to lead their racist, anti-sematic army after they invested a lot of time -- they chose me when I was four for this mission,which started out as Operation Bluebeam, which you can look up in Wikipedia a UFO sighting by thousands at O'Hare airport. In o6 is the day. I do not know if it was an holograph or what? 

 They lied to me so much in the beginning. They thought I would play Jesus for them, a powerful group of industrialists. In the years since, by sticking to my ethics, and frankly winning again and again, even after being counted out over and over, and being a forgiving man, who believes in redemption, and science, a lot of good folk finally had a chance to get involved with a group that did not ask for total obedience or to join some cult, etc...

 I would never join any of their groups. i CONSIDER myself a circle. There are a lot of us, mostly on the left,but I believe 'All political formulas are fiction, and only the force produced is real.' I am very interested in what they are doing with mind control. 

 They classically brain washed me for Project Bluebeam, in a hospital for three days I do not remember, then bam, agnostic, religion despising writer turns into a man believing he is not what he was, and is on a self-discovery to find out who...  Christ seemingly flows through me in a sermon I cannot remember, convincing Bush of who I am... though he later lapsed perhaps, he as all are in my prayters.

2:50 Pwas the classic http://symptom.You do not think you are someone else, you just know that you are not the person you thought you were, so you look for a personality, and they inserted Jesus in me. Two whistle blowers for M-16 IN England, disappeared and returned transvestite Jesus's complete with cults. They built a cult around me as well. I stopped that when I found out,though I had no idea my telling them to stop this, would lead to 7 months being interrogated for mass murder of said cult members. So I have seen a lot. I do not think I am targeted like you are. Officialy for a long time I was a hostage, by the blacks, who in the intelligence world, Chicago is their terf, and I was to be an underground king of a racist, right wing family. My grandfather was right wing,so the communists got my mom, and she then basically tried to use me for that side, when I destroyed their attempt at operation bluebeam. They just did not count on my being ethiical, and willing to die ratherr than give up my ethics. I drove cab in university, and always went where angels did not dare to go, helped people, etc. I started aa at 17, so I always felt a need to redeem myself. I had slips it has been a long time ago. And then because I am in chronic pain from a crumbling spine. Chronic Mylemalacia, which they put dogs down for in 3 to 5 days. But other than the pain, I am fine for now. My work has always been cerebrial, one of those guys 'too valuable' to be on the front lines, though a lot of people have tried to kill me over the years. I have live with security since this all started, or before. For years they had apartments around me,

3:00 PM

But I am very worried about this new tech. I need to be a student on this, because God gave me this power I never wanted, and I have always believed if you learn about evil, it is your responsibility to fight it. God has kept alive, I believe for a reason, and I have had powerful enemies in the past, often mistaking me. My cover was too deep for presidents to know about in the end, because I waited forever for the calvary to show up and save me, and discovered there was not one. Presidents I helped turned on me, or simply were not powerful enough to help me, or had strings attached i would not accept. I am trying to say, I may be able to help stop this, or at least stem off what I fear is going to be one hell of a war. There is already a war being fought in the underground, race based mostly, but I have been able to hold off a genocide, which is why I surfaced in March. I write a lot of classified things, obviously, but I keep a thousand words back for every one I write, because I work with all kinds of folk, from criminals to heads of states, and everyone seems to have closets bulging with skeletons, but I am worried about the future, not the past, which is why redemption, and forgiveness, and love, are my guiding lights. Vengeance is the lords. I NEVER ordered killings and shit like they blamed me for, or thefts, until very recently, because i AM STILL trying to figure a lot of this out. Most the people who recently died, were communist spies, who I got to know because of set ups. I was very nai've, obviously. My gorgeous freshman, first class, professor, a sophisticatted millionaires', became my lover and mentor, truly taught me to be a writer, got me to Chicago going to the best schools in the country, for twelve plus years, studying all kinds of things, unnderr some serious radicals. She was a honey pot spy. The woman i live with, 21 years now, is also involved, started with Russia. I am not even sure who she works for now, but she is only alive because she is with me. What she did behind my back is unspeakable. If you truly know about the families, then you should recognize I am the king of Hart. There are three big ones. Wolf, Ram, and Heart. TV does a lot of stuff about this, because

3:15 PM

I was 17 when reagan and his ancient trickle down lie was acted into the american mind.

president  jimmy carter was in charge when I was in high school, and I grew up liberal, mother a union president of national renown, and I saw Reagan break the unions.  I gave up on national politics, democracy even, thinking if people can be fooled this easily into doing what is obviously going to cause them great harm, like the tax cut that sent the mentally unstable out into the street, creating a homeless problem, law enforcement problems....     we were sold down the river.

One president before the last man of God, took the presidency and tried to govern for the people.  His presidency was destroyed by Reagan promising weapons to Iran, our supposed enemy, if they kept the hostages until after the election.  I was awake the night that carter sent into soldiers to rescue to students and they had an accident in the desert.  I was in terrible pain, between a botched fusion and a neurosurgery a year later that helped tremendously, and was staying awake for days, cable tv was new... and there was footage from Iran of this botched attempt, where two helicopters crashed or something, on the news, almost as it happened.  I will always wonder if the industrialists, and their racist, cia minions -- hope you are changing, pray for you, and will stand up to you any time, though I would rather work with the government.  The recruit who jailed for complaining after being told in a     CIA interview he was 'too big and too black' to join the CIA, I tell myself was during a certain time period, and not the normal way of operating.  If not that it is up to the executive branch to look into this matter.  Once more allowing any actions even eluding to white supremacy have to dealt with severally, though there need to no graves brought up, or a certain president dancing around a bonfire of women, used to forces larger than all of us, and as misunderstood by me, to this day in many respects, and those involved at the time.

There is never going to be a need to run from me.  I suspect you will run toward me, though I could be wrong.   I still feel like I am being tested.  That I might come up for parole...   but I will never be Jimmy Carter.   He is Orange.  He built houses for the homeless after his presidency, and played diplomat around the world, gave a sane perspective on issues often lacking in other ex-presidents, who usually seemed to disappear.  Jimmy Carter can safely be said to be a Christian.  He lived the values, knew that faith without works is dead.  Praying for the poor never stopped a baby from having an extended abdomen from starvation.  Never housed them... praying for strength from the Lord, knowing some of what is taught is great knowledge, timeless words that the older you get, the more you have if you are, a jimmy carter, and can access the very worst of the worlds problems,  the wars, the natural disasters.   He helped whenever he could and used his quiet power to inspire.  he reached more hearts than the screaming haters who have taken over the republican party, the one that claims they stand for the people, when they have always been the appointed tories, the people let into university as a legacy, or for a great big building with their name on it...  or whatever.  the democratic party is full of nearly the same people, or enough that two could stop so much of Biden's work during the magical two years when the sane held all houses.

I thank you mr and mrs carter for the inspiration to simply do good.  thank you for providing a sane christian for people to know and love and see in action all these years.  thank you for forging a path other retired president's should take, Mr. Obama, to further serve their country.  The next election, we take the house and the senate back.  Run against madness, what the future will look like under trump, who gutted the epa, etc...  ask, who do you want to run this country, a person shaped by the working class and a good, wise father, and great tragedy....  or a serial liar, who cares only about making money, and impressing other people, especially his daddy, the slum lord kkk member, who even woody guthrie wrote a song about not renting to backs...   he threatened Jews to 'get their act together' and the neo-nazi's cheered, and others, who had not thought much about Jews before, suddenly began to see the red herring as a them, an other, a people who better support their leader, or else...  trump wants war, here in the states, which is not my choice, as I have proven by my actions.  I tried to shut down your wars here.  I tried also to stop future wars from taking place.

  i will remember jimmy carter, and billy, too....  he was a hoot.  Billy Beer.  I hope never again to be in a position where violence is required.

the below article tells the story of the man...  who I think should be sainted, the patron saint of donkey's.  He might get a kick out of that ...  my question mark does not work on this computer...  so let me go out on a limb and say he will get a kick out of that.

bless you Carter's, God surely has prepared a place in heaven for you and yours...  amen,

 https://www.alternet.org/the-splendid-life-of-jimmy-carter/?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Oct.9.2023_12.47pm

I fasted away fifty pounds to invoke visions...

      My appearance changed to skeletal, and I had no desire to eat.   I was smoking weed and cigars, occasionally having a bit of something, though often going t

wo or three days without.   To describe all the visions, after the way my words have been taken out of context and in context and contexts I still probably could not dream they exist, after what I have learned in the underground.  I had no idea where my journey would lead though Love for all mankind, all our ancestor's at  least.  With the living some will hate the person for their behavior.  I been there.  No one should take the past hatreds in my writings to apply, except for a few.  I do not hate rump.   I hate where he is leading some of my fellow citizens, who are a bit easier to con.  The people a carnie can see a midway off, and gesture them over, get the guy to buy a fifty cent teddy bear for a hundred and fifty bucks worth of whatever game they gave him to play that night.  My prison schooled, pistol carrying, pot selling cab boss, who owned six and they had an old barn for the garage, spent his young, post-prison time as a carnie, tall, dark and handsome, and drunk, he got married upon impregnation.   I digress, and not.  

I wonder do the people who knew me growing up know about my being a star.  Or are their watchers and real players.  I cannot be paranoid enough in life.  Most error the other way... I should have been paranoid from day one, but I did not see nor believe the madness hinted at in the first days of this campaign.  I cannot    at times feel like where this has all lead, to me covered in blood not just spilled others, which I could be self righteous about, or at least know that my I would not have done what you did, and would do whatever I could in the future to stop racism from being another way humans are divided and conquered, while still understanding that a fire in your house needs to be put out.  Like gun deaths in our cities.  There are experts who know many ways to work on the root problems, and solve problems non violently and forever.    To  degree, of course.

The biggest surprise I had during the visions was seeing ancestors of all races and times and recent ones and old ones.   Sparks of light at times, others the forms of humans, depending on what they were conveying, for example, like once a dead man was shamed and sent far away from the elders and those who knew them, a type of shunning.  This was not as bad as the later visions of being in Hell on good friday.    I could explain at length the seeming coincidence involved in getting me a certain bit of information at exactly the right time.  And have been in the best tried, my best, to shine a bright light in darkness from which I rose.  To shine so bright no shadow existed.

Instead I starved myself, to the point where the priest who does mass on television told me I had to eat, and I told him that I was seeking a Holy Vision, and until when it came...   I started believing that I could harness love, from some distant point straight out from my desk, and bring that love, Pure God, into this world, and then use the persons heart, who I would use passerbys, to send love all the way around the world.  I made them a conduit, imagining their hearts passing the love around and I would wait until I could see it go around the world.  I imagined, as many have before me, that sending out good vibes or whatever might help, on some plain misunderstood, unrecognized, and most certainly underestimated might help.  I believe God assembled molecules to be manipulated, on up to hands that produce force are what is important, not the words surrounding it, the politics.  

My journey was effected by being watched and realizing this meant a lot to some people.  I tend to underestimate myself, let alone other people's knowledge, or reactions to me.  But the religion came true, and I would not lie, by then, about spiritual ,matters.  Too many supernatural occurrences were happening around me to be ignored.  Most important, others were reacting to my life in ways I could not anticipate, though I learn.  I did not know before, which is why I am reluctant to return to the written page.  But before, I thought this is what you judged me by, then I discover, No, you are always watched, an international superstar with the stamp of approval of various folk, at various times, to the point where to this day, other than acting by my morals, I have no idea who anyone thinks I work with...  but there are many of you.  Many at times when I was paraded around as some god emperor, or a -porno star...  which is the humiliation it took for me to find out the whole world, everyone in tv, would see into my apartment.  I masterbated to say to the spies, okay, leave me alone because some of my life is x rated.  A last fuck you to the people who made my life hell, I thought...  

I learned quick about the factions then...  I do not wish to tread any further into that swamp, out of fear of stirring up bodies to the surface.   

ke

Now is what matters.  In this limited context, to be all post modern.  I keep thinking after that damn simpsons shit, that I pray my condition is being met, that Orange will remain non violent, and a friend of the police.  See them in the larger context, that they are not the enemy, and fighting them will do the movement harm, not good.  I always said the cops needed to be on the strikers.  I said they are union when people asked why I supported them.  I did not realize, again, there were groups.  

Let alone a book no one seemed to buy, criticizing Navy Seal training and tactic and what it does to soldiers, and civilians;  spies in general hiding Iran Contra, which of course my character died, even before the real Gary Webb, who broke Iran Contra, was declared a suicide, during which he magically was able to pop himself twice.   A message.  Crack destroyed the back movement for rights, and funded death squads, signed off by Reagan as his wife cackled over her cauldron, Just Say No -- a program studies show produced students more likely to use drugs.

The visions took a change when my hatred for bob dylan, who wrote a few songs slamming me for something that I was finding out about in the song.  The intelligence agencies and their games is how it hit me.  Blamed again over a cult I knew next to nothing about, and a church I disbanded the day I found out about it.  I said not to worship me.  BUT A CLICHE Jesus had been shoved into your head.  You expected biblical catastrophes while you ignored the Greenhouse effect, bringing on the end of the world, while blaming the whole thing on God, and how he was coming for a select few, depending on which box you check for your drivers license ID.

I am just beginning to write about these and will get back to them.